Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

What an excellent use of rhythm. My feet wanted to shuffle along as I read. It is a bit jazzy, drumming with a brush like feet sliding through the dust. Joy can be found anywhere.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks, Ravenblack. Glad it got your feet tapping! Tony

Comment from pattipac

Exceptional

Your daughter's lovely picture of three young girls bound together in friendship is beautiful. Excellent word choice give rhythm to your poem: " toes started tapping and itching to the rhythm;" "they wove a birdlike flutter in the utter joyful stutter of their dance."

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for this lovely review, Pattipac, and for the six stars which got my feet tapping too! Tony

Comment from skye

Excellent

I can hear them dancing, by your clever use of words like stutter, flutter, glided, tapping. Every line made the feet tap, the heart sing, and the dust rise.
Excellent.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks, Skye. Glad it got your feet tapping! Tony

Comment from mfowler

Exceptional

The strange thing about this review is that you kind of wrote it yourself such is the detail about your intention in the notes. i was bouncing rhythmically through the verse building up a sense of the dance, and finding the verses just flowing into each other. I tried to get a sense of the structure, but as you say in the notes it moves around, and works to create that rising crescendo of the impromptu dance. But I think its as much about the word choices and rhymes which help create that as it the verse structure.eg as they wove their bird like flutter....just beautifully evocative. Those short end lines help the rhythm with a sense of both repetition but also change. What's also worth noting about this poem, Tony, is the sense of joy and human drama, that it evokes. It's the first in the series (that I can remember) that left me with a sense of the positive humanity being played out in this place, rather than the bleaker picture of life always being dramatically difficult.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks very much for your detailed response, Mark, and for the six stars. Delighted that it worked for you. I'm looking for a balance between positive and negative in the series. Despite the hardships of living there, Anna has found them to be a happy and proud people.

Comment from Spitfire

Exceptional

I think this does have a form with three lines followed by a short one in each stanza. I do feel the rising crescendo as toes start tapping and whirling to a beat that hides their feet.
birdlike flutter
In the utter joyful stutter

Love the universal message in the last stanza.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for this affirming review, Spitfire, and for the six stars! Tony

Comment from Starlit Ink

Excellent

This poem is a lovely interpretation of the picture. I like the thought of dancing in the dust with a joyful rhythm. Those who stir up dust are blessed by God, and kids know how to do that best!

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for this lovely review, Starlit. Much appreciated!

Comment from Pili Pubul

Excellent

This poem is fabulous, it has lots of ryhtmn that goes so well with the subject, I like the lack of punctuation, ( I started to do that myself) it gives
the reader a freedom to interpret the beauty of the flow better, love the full of life and joy images , great spirit comes across . Beautiful picture Anna...

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for this lovely review, Pili, and for your positive feedback. Much appreciated!

reply by Pili Pubul on 05-Feb-2014

You are very welcome my friend... Pili

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is a beautiful poem from the author in this piece of writing. This picture and the poem itself create a wonderful experience for the reader to enjoy.

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for this lovely review, Tomes, and for your positive feedback. Much appreciated!

Comment from Selina Stambi

Exceptional

In the utter joyful stutter
Of their dance .. love the abandoned whimsy in these little lines!

Hello Tony,

Here's my last six, sir! No rhyme, but a fabulous line scheme .. and oh, how I danced with the beautiful little girls.

What an exquisite piece this is - my made heart rejoice and sing!

Sonali :)

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for this lovely review, Sonali, and for the six stars, which made heart rejoice and sing too! Tony

Comment from ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent

When you can act like you around someone and start dancing in the middle of a walk then you know you have true friends. My friends and I used to play DDR (Dance, Dance Revelution). Youtube it if you don't know what it is. My friends and I went to the mall and played on their huge machines in our dresses. We were dorks but we always had fun and that's what friendship is all about. Great job

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014

Thanks, ExperiencingLiphe. Glad you could relate to this and it got your toes tapping too! Tony