Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Dean,
This is an awesome octogram. As I was reading it, I did not realize, at first, that it was an octogram. The lines read so well with super flow that the format of the poem takes a back seat. However, you did a great job following the rules of octogram writing.

Your artwork is perfect. I like the 'beating heart of it, or the breathing'. It makes your words even scarier. The color scheme is perfect--when I think of swamp gas, I think of a greenish haze. You did a great job making readers feel as if this is real and coming for them. All I can say is, "Run". But then why would someone be in that eerie swamp at night? So, the swamp gas 'thing' claims another victim. I wouldn't even go into that swamp in the daytime with armed guards--to scary, too many unknowns, too many spirits waiting for unsuspecting ones.

You did an awesome job telling your story in your favorite genre with the octogram format.

[I read this last night, but did not review it then. I missed the narration--you took it off, right?]

Awesome job. [ok, I used that word at least 3 times, but it fits.] Jan

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016

Well, some of us have an adventurous spirit, Jan. You'd be surprised at some of the places I go in the dead of night as an amateur ghost hunter. Old crypts, cemeteries, haunted bridges, trees that scream because the KKK lynched so many from their branches... So yeah, if someone told me about a local legend involving a ghostly green girl with red glowing eyes in a swamp, you'd better believe, I'm there, heh-heh!
Thanks for the review.
~Dean

reply by Jannypan (Jan) on 05-Jun-2016

Ok, but while you may be looking for the swamp girl, something else may get you.

reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016

Maybe, but that's a chance I'm willing to take. :)

Comment from Susanne M. Psyris

Excellent

Very awesome reading here, Dean! On the spooky, dark side, which is what I love most. Great flow and rhyme is spot on! Is this for Potlatch octogram contest or just a posting as you saw fit?
Whatever, loved it. God bless and hugs, Susanne

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016

Thanks, Susanne.
No, it wasn't written for the potlatch. It's a stand-alone Octogram.
Much obliged for the comments.
~Dean

Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

Okaaay, I'll just plan to avoid going near any swamp - really not a problem here in Southern California, thankfully! Nice job with this exceptionally creepy Octogram, Dean! I do indeed wonder what drew this unfortunate person near...

Carol

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016

Thanks, carol.
Take care...
~Dean

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Burned up my rhyming dictionary trying to do octograms. Little bs swarming. Thought I had caught that swamp gas, but it was a wormy little alien looking for a phone booth...excellent ghostly octogram, Dean.

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016

Thanks, Red.
~Dean

Comment from Galactia

Excellent

Hi, what an excellent written poem, you certainly know how to write creapy horror at its best, great imagry projected through your pien.

Loved it

Great job

Regards
Tia

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016

Thanks for the R&R, Galactia.
Much obliged.
~Dean

Comment from His Grayness

Exceptional

OH!, for this dark-minded author, who writes from a brain illuminated in brilliant imagination, another GEM comes to us from out of the deep and scary depths of infinite creativity and delight. All in this work is perfectly done and I dare not even try to imagine lightening it in any way! That's why I quietly remain in: HIS GRAYNESS: Vance

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016

Thanks for reading AGHAST, Vance, and for the awesome comments and exceptional stellar rating.
I appreciate your time, as well as your thoughtful support.
More than any of that, I'm just damn glad you enjoyed it.
~Dean :}

reply by His Grayness on 08-Jun-2016

Deano: you are totally welcomed! I think you are a true genius in this biz and am always blown away with what you deliver...every time! Vance

Comment from Slythytove2

Good

An excellent presentation, with sound and moving pictures. Without counting I'm assuming you kept to your format. What isn't clear is what are we staring" aghast" at? This is a good beginning, but I'm left a little in the air as to where it's going.
I guess I'm used to looking for a message or moral in there somewhere. What did I miss?

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016

I wasn't aware that a moral message need be included as part of the Octogram poetry format, Slythytove2.
Here, let me break it down so you can better comprehend what this poem is about.
1) There's a bog, and it's haunted...
2) There's a siren in that bog who seduces men, hypnotizes them and hold their souls captive for all eternity...
3) This was written as an octogram, adhering to the format the form requires, and...
4) Last, but not least, no moral message was intended. Just for the hell of it you might say. Poets do that sometimes, you know? Write just for the pure pleasure of writing?
Try it sometime, you'll like it.

reply by Slythytove2 on 06-Jun-2016

Thanks

Comment from MacMhuirich

Exceptional

I ain't going to Bile Bog any time soon if ever. Love the form and rhyme and the presentation with the slime green wording adds to the imagery. Excellent work.
Bless you
John

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016

Hello, John...
Thanks for reading AGHAST, and for the awesome comments and exceptional stellar rating.
I appreciate your time, as well as your thoughtful support.
More than any of that, I'm just damn glad you enjoyed it.
~Dean :}

Comment from Gert sherwood

Exceptional

Dean You are a poet who can write about most everything and know how to draw my interest especially using this difficult form( Octogram) for you poem of a green glow that will never let you go

Gert

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016

Thanks for reading AGHAST, Gert, and for the awesome comments and exceptional stellar rating.
I appreciate your time, as well as your thoughtful support.
More than any of that, I'm just really happy that you enjoyed it.
~Dean :}

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

It's working, it's working. This is yet another thriller from the king of ghouls. I mean writing about ghouls, haha.

I love reading Octograms because of the fast pace and so that style added another dimension to my reading enjoyment. And, of course, the fantastic image and sound affects were also a plus. Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016

Thanks for the R&R, Michelle.
It's appreciated.
~Dean