The Good Dog
...things aren't what they seem58 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh wow I did not like the killing of the dog but I also know that it could not have ended any other way for the creature to continue his reign of terror. Well written and no problems noted. On the edge of my seat reading
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Oh wow I did not like the killing of the dog but I also know that it could not have ended any other way for the creature to continue his reign of terror. Well written and no problems noted. On the edge of my seat reading
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Barb; thank you so much for stopping by to read and review this one. I think many of the dog lovers on the site will hate the dog killing part, but I thought I needed to totally move out of my comfort zone.
I appreciate your kind and thoughtful words,
~patty~
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Patty,
Stepping outside the comfort zone again, good job. I recently had a piece accepted for a horror anthology which had to include a dog, but the dog couldn't be harmed in any way. People are so precious! You want to see what I did to a bunch of cats though...
Different POV employed in this one and I think people will find this appealing.
He only chewed on / He was completely housebroken / He lived an idyllic - first paragraph after introduction you have three sentences all starting with He.
he heard an eerie howl / The eerie sound continued / A loud eerie howl could be heard - it may be an idea to vary the descriptors.
along Jimi's rough stood straight up - I think in this instance it may be 'ruff'.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Patty,
Stepping outside the comfort zone again, good job. I recently had a piece accepted for a horror anthology which had to include a dog, but the dog couldn't be harmed in any way. People are so precious! You want to see what I did to a bunch of cats though...
Different POV employed in this one and I think people will find this appealing.
He only chewed on / He was completely housebroken / He lived an idyllic - first paragraph after introduction you have three sentences all starting with He.
he heard an eerie howl / The eerie sound continued / A loud eerie howl could be heard - it may be an idea to vary the descriptors.
along Jimi's rough stood straight up - I think in this instance it may be 'ruff'.
All the best
G
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi G; thank you so much for your kind and thorough review of this piece. I took your suggestions for changes and went back to 'massage' the piece. I greatly appreciate your input.
I'm glad you liked the story and forgave me for killing the dog; I'm sure the fans of my Howie and Bernie stories will flip!
~patty~
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written sad and heartbreaking story. Although it can happen that a beloved pet kill their owners, this was not the case here and the policeman act on a wrong instinct.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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A very well-written sad and heartbreaking story. Although it can happen that a beloved pet kill their owners, this was not the case here and the policeman act on a wrong instinct.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Sandra; thank you for your thoughtful review of this story. It was a bit out of my comfort zone to shoot a pet, but it was needed for this kind of story,
~patty~
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a terrific tale of the faithful dog, the werewolf victim, and the trigger-happy cops who end up shooting our pooch Jimi. If they had only waited for him to bark that there was a crazed lycanthrope out in the woods. Man's best target, Jimi the Mad Dog.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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This is a terrific tale of the faithful dog, the werewolf victim, and the trigger-happy cops who end up shooting our pooch Jimi. If they had only waited for him to bark that there was a crazed lycanthrope out in the woods. Man's best target, Jimi the Mad Dog.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi BIll; thank you so much for your thoughtful review. Jimi got a bad rap - maybe on the next cycle of the moon, the creature would strike again, and without Jimi to blame the police might actually go looking for the real killer,
~patty~
Comment from royowen
I can see why this challenge could have been a problem for you writing it Patty. The poor dog, being blamed for doing what the strange wolf creature could have done. I believe I couldn't write these things, my admiration for overcoming what comes naturally. Stepping back, you've done a great job of this my friend, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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I can see why this challenge could have been a problem for you writing it Patty. The poor dog, being blamed for doing what the strange wolf creature could have done. I believe I couldn't write these things, my admiration for overcoming what comes naturally. Stepping back, you've done a great job of this my friend, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Roy; thank you so much for your thoughtful review of this piece. Yes, it was a struggle and I think I got it down on paper, but I'm not entirely sure if some would consider it either a horror or thriller piece.
I appreciate your kind words of encouragement,
~patty~
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Most welcome Patty
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work on this story, Patty. I enjoyed the perspective of the dog, but I wanted a tighter POV and not as much omniscient (that's just me). I found a couple of things for your consideration.
He was completely housebroken and he adored the lady he lived with. --Suggest comma before and.
He finally picked up the scent, and moved at full speed along its trail. --Suggest no comma before and.
The fur along Jimi's rough stood straight up --I paused here what is rough? His rump? his hackles?
In front of him, laying on her bed in a pool of blood--I think lying here is correct.
Blood dripped from the mattress onto the floor and the sound was more than Jimi could bear.--I paused because I didn't remember a a sound.
the creature paced in place.--This sounded odd paced yet he was in place?
Overall, very creative. Best of luck in the contest.
Take care,
Russell
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Nice work on this story, Patty. I enjoyed the perspective of the dog, but I wanted a tighter POV and not as much omniscient (that's just me). I found a couple of things for your consideration.
He was completely housebroken and he adored the lady he lived with. --Suggest comma before and.
He finally picked up the scent, and moved at full speed along its trail. --Suggest no comma before and.
The fur along Jimi's rough stood straight up --I paused here what is rough? His rump? his hackles?
In front of him, laying on her bed in a pool of blood--I think lying here is correct.
Blood dripped from the mattress onto the floor and the sound was more than Jimi could bear.--I paused because I didn't remember a a sound.
the creature paced in place.--This sounded odd paced yet he was in place?
Overall, very creative. Best of luck in the contest.
Take care,
Russell
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Russell; thank you so much for your thoughtful and thorough review of this piece. I appreciate your input, and I will go back and make some edits.
Your continuing support of my writing is greatly appreciated,
~patty~
Comment from pbomar1115
You really know how to tell a story, Patty. Your work can and will reach a wide range of people. I enjoyed it, yet I was surprised and saddened to learn that the sweet dog was killed. This is an event that is analogous to life. The guilty gets away while the innocent is accused of the wrong. You write up a storm, Patty, creating great stories.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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You really know how to tell a story, Patty. Your work can and will reach a wide range of people. I enjoyed it, yet I was surprised and saddened to learn that the sweet dog was killed. This is an event that is analogous to life. The guilty gets away while the innocent is accused of the wrong. You write up a storm, Patty, creating great stories.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi there; thank you so much for the lovely review of this story. It was very difficult to kill the dog in the story - he seemed like a big lovable guy! However, I knew that it would be perceived as 'horror' for the doggie lady (me) to actually harm a pet.
Thank you for continuing to read and support my work,
~patty~
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You're welcome.
Comment from DR DIP
You don't have the horror strain running through your veins" patty? well you could have fooled me. You had me in from the start and i tell you in all honesty I usually don't read short stories my concentration span is sadly lacking. This one was different I could not stop reading to I found out what had happened its a surprise ending and this werewolf creature of the night still roams free while the innocent faithful pet takes the blame for her death. This my friend is wonderfully written.
dip
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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You don't have the horror strain running through your veins" patty? well you could have fooled me. You had me in from the start and i tell you in all honesty I usually don't read short stories my concentration span is sadly lacking. This one was different I could not stop reading to I found out what had happened its a surprise ending and this werewolf creature of the night still roams free while the innocent faithful pet takes the blame for her death. This my friend is wonderfully written.
dip
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi Dip!!! Thank you so much for the wonderful review of this piece. I wrote it for Dean's contest, but I didn't feel great about it. Your lovely review put a smile on my face.
~patty~
