Where Jenny Lies
Ghost of a little girl57 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
This is a fine dream sequence. How many children there must be whose ghosts still seek the comfort and security of a home that was denied them here on earth.
Two small typos to fix:
She had a pink ribbon in her hair,
and wearing a blue cotton dress. ['wore' or 'was wearing'. If you wanted to keep the same syllable count you could have 'and was wearing a cotton dress']
I guess I'ill never know.
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This is a fine dream sequence. How many children there must be whose ghosts still seek the comfort and security of a home that was denied them here on earth.
Two small typos to fix:
She had a pink ribbon in her hair,
and wearing a blue cotton dress. ['wore' or 'was wearing'. If you wanted to keep the same syllable count you could have 'and was wearing a cotton dress']
I guess I'ill never know.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2019
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Willie,
Oooh, this is a good write, my friend. Such an adorable sweet child's image complements your verse perfectly. Nothing for me to suggest you revise. Thanks for sharing. Jan :-)
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Hi Willie,
Oooh, this is a good write, my friend. Such an adorable sweet child's image complements your verse perfectly. Nothing for me to suggest you revise. Thanks for sharing. Jan :-)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
Comment from jlsavell
Willie P.Smith.
This is a chilling and well written storyline in a poem. You should have entered it in a story in a poem contest. Whispers beyond death are a phenomenon which truly must exist.
well done..
jlsavell
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Willie P.Smith.
This is a chilling and well written storyline in a poem. You should have entered it in a story in a poem contest. Whispers beyond death are a phenomenon which truly must exist.
well done..
jlsavell
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
Thanks for the stars. I write mostly for the reviews and comments of other writers, that's more rewarding to me than the contests. Thanks much!
Comment from nancyjam
Beautifully told story of little Jenny who appeared in a dream.
Her story is a sad one but she found peace at last.
Great rhyme and meter for smooth flow.
The picture is beautiful and haunting. Perfect for your story.
Nancy
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Beautifully told story of little Jenny who appeared in a dream.
Her story is a sad one but she found peace at last.
Great rhyme and meter for smooth flow.
The picture is beautiful and haunting. Perfect for your story.
Nancy
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
Comment from Tina Crute
Aww...this is sweet and sad! I enjoyed Jenny's
story within your story! That's s cool technique.
It surprised me when Jenny disappeared! Nice surprise as I imagine she's home like you said! Touching read:)
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Aww...this is sweet and sad! I enjoyed Jenny's
story within your story! That's s cool technique.
It surprised me when Jenny disappeared! Nice surprise as I imagine she's home like you said! Touching read:)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your story in a poem, Willie. Good job with the rhyme and smooth flow of lines. I like the storyline, too. It is believable as to the settling of the West and the hardships encountered by the pioneers. The picture is a great pairing with your well-chosen words. Thanks for sharing. Jan
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I enjoyed your story in a poem, Willie. Good job with the rhyme and smooth flow of lines. I like the storyline, too. It is believable as to the settling of the West and the hardships encountered by the pioneers. The picture is a great pairing with your well-chosen words. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
Comment from Janilou
I wish I still had a six star review to give you for this incredible poem. You don't say whether it's fiction or non-fiction, but it felt real, that's for sure.
My favorite part:
Jenny didn't know where she was,
Or why she was alone.
I explained that she had died,
And In a flash she was gone.
Over a hundred years ago, Jenny had lived,
But didn't know time had passed.
I hope our little talk gave her peace
And she's home at last.
I have had similar experiences throughout my life.
Loved this. No errors found.
All the best,
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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I wish I still had a six star review to give you for this incredible poem. You don't say whether it's fiction or non-fiction, but it felt real, that's for sure.
My favorite part:
Jenny didn't know where she was,
Or why she was alone.
I explained that she had died,
And In a flash she was gone.
Over a hundred years ago, Jenny had lived,
But didn't know time had passed.
I hope our little talk gave her peace
And she's home at last.
I have had similar experiences throughout my life.
Loved this. No errors found.
All the best,
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2019
