After The Picnic
A boy remembers summer116 total reviews
Comment from Toller
Nice Job!
This was beautifully written. I loved all the description. I couldn't find anything wrong with it.
Great Job!
Sleddog
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Nice Job!
This was beautifully written. I loved all the description. I couldn't find anything wrong with it.
Great Job!
Sleddog
Comment Written 25-Jul-2005
Comment from Poet_Only
I am mesmerized by the way you captured a family picnic through a young boy's eyes so well. My only criticism, I think it needs a better title to be quite honest.
Thanks for sharing. I am new as of today to this site and have been reviewing quite a few poems. I have been writing poetry for 23 years and have a degree in Literature.
This is the first excellent I have awarded so far. This was a treasure for me to find.
Jason :)
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I am mesmerized by the way you captured a family picnic through a young boy's eyes so well. My only criticism, I think it needs a better title to be quite honest.
Thanks for sharing. I am new as of today to this site and have been reviewing quite a few poems. I have been writing poetry for 23 years and have a degree in Literature.
This is the first excellent I have awarded so far. This was a treasure for me to find.
Jason :)
Comment Written 25-Jul-2005
Comment from JosephCa64
A beautiful piece. You do a wonderful job of telling a story through your verse. It is funny and charming and quite cinematic--I could see the images as I read. Great work.
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A beautiful piece. You do a wonderful job of telling a story through your verse. It is funny and charming and quite cinematic--I could see the images as I read. Great work.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2005
Comment from Lainee
Bob this is a beautiful memory that you have chosen to share with us by way of free-style writing. The imagery of your words is wonderful and I could imagine this happening. The flow of thoughts took me on a journey in a day of the life of Bob. Thank you for sharing.
Goodluck always,
Lainee :O)
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Bob this is a beautiful memory that you have chosen to share with us by way of free-style writing. The imagery of your words is wonderful and I could imagine this happening. The flow of thoughts took me on a journey in a day of the life of Bob. Thank you for sharing.
Goodluck always,
Lainee :O)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from Jon Kuntz
You tackled quite a subject here. Very colorful, full of imagery, and snap shots of the family. Then you lost everything in the last four lines. You lost the flow you had going through the whole work. The imagery stopped. Sorry.
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You tackled quite a subject here. Very colorful, full of imagery, and snap shots of the family. Then you lost everything in the last four lines. You lost the flow you had going through the whole work. The imagery stopped. Sorry.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from Ritsal
I love this! I can hear the croaking frogs and chirping crickets. I also remember running around with a jar to catch fireflies. This is such a carry-me-back-to-my-youth piece, I feel younger already! I also love the image you used. Believe it or not, a month or so ago, when I stepped out on my front porch there was this humongous frog on the top step glaring at me. Looked just like the chap in your image.
Best wishes,
Rita
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I love this! I can hear the croaking frogs and chirping crickets. I also remember running around with a jar to catch fireflies. This is such a carry-me-back-to-my-youth piece, I feel younger already! I also love the image you used. Believe it or not, a month or so ago, when I stepped out on my front porch there was this humongous frog on the top step glaring at me. Looked just like the chap in your image.
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from Mzhurst
I loved the picture---- The frog lol-----
You described a Sunday at my grandmothers only the beer was hidden from her. She would have switched even her grown children.
I am having difficulty defining this as a poem though.
A fun read
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I loved the picture---- The frog lol-----
You described a Sunday at my grandmothers only the beer was hidden from her. She would have switched even her grown children.
I am having difficulty defining this as a poem though.
A fun read
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from Lisloh
This is so well written, I have nothing to critique. The visuals are splendid. The emotions are strong. Simply sublime. Awesome write!
Thank you for the memories. Change a couple of names, and this is summer in Iowa after the picnic....:) Those were the days my Friend.
Thank you for creating this and sharing.
Take care & be safe
Lisloh
Oh, and, after that evening rain, we mustn't forget pulling those night-crawlers out of the ground.....:) Going fishing tomorrow...:)
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This is so well written, I have nothing to critique. The visuals are splendid. The emotions are strong. Simply sublime. Awesome write!
Thank you for the memories. Change a couple of names, and this is summer in Iowa after the picnic....:) Those were the days my Friend.
Thank you for creating this and sharing.
Take care & be safe
Lisloh
Oh, and, after that evening rain, we mustn't forget pulling those night-crawlers out of the ground.....:) Going fishing tomorrow...:)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from Lilyk
Bob, this is simply beautiful. The conversational tone matched with the richness of the detail all add to the wonderfullyatmospheric quality of this piece. I didn't want it to end:)
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Bob, this is simply beautiful. The conversational tone matched with the richness of the detail all add to the wonderfullyatmospheric quality of this piece. I didn't want it to end:)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from BritSAL
Oh this piece was so descriptive, I could sense myself in the shoes of the writer. I wouldnt change a thing about this piece, except maybe for awarding it six stars, were it possible. Best wishes, Sal.
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Oh this piece was so descriptive, I could sense myself in the shoes of the writer. I wouldnt change a thing about this piece, except maybe for awarding it six stars, were it possible. Best wishes, Sal.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
