Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Abandoned"A collection of poems on these themes
109 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
Dark as lonely seagulls' crying
weeps the wind across the bay;
seething ocean's ceaseless sighing
rasps a rhythm deep and gray.
I love your New Zealand eyes and ears...I see those gulls and hear their lockalocka lock cry...thanks for this I see the beach and feel the rhythm of the most beautiful place on earth....
And good writing
God bless
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Dark as lonely seagulls' crying
weeps the wind across the bay;
seething ocean's ceaseless sighing
rasps a rhythm deep and gray.
I love your New Zealand eyes and ears...I see those gulls and hear their lockalocka lock cry...thanks for this I see the beach and feel the rhythm of the most beautiful place on earth....
And good writing
God bless
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Yeah, no place like home, although this one is a little on the sad side.
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
A beautiful poem, Steve, which paints a vision of the shack on the seashore that once was a happy cottage with a thriving garden of roses. Lovely rhyme and rhythm, good luck in the contest, Giddy
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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A beautiful poem, Steve, which paints a vision of the shack on the seashore that once was a happy cottage with a thriving garden of roses. Lovely rhyme and rhythm, good luck in the contest, Giddy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Giddy!
Steve
Comment from Karen B.
Bittersweet memories of what once was and will never be again. Beautifully written with excellent use of rhyme and alliteration. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Bittersweet memories of what once was and will never be again. Beautifully written with excellent use of rhyme and alliteration. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Karen!
Steve
Comment from chasennov
"Abandoned" This is a very good poem you have created here. I liked the formulation, and the body had substance enough to get it over the line. The structure was even as well. Good job.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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"Abandoned" This is a very good poem you have created here. I liked the formulation, and the body had substance enough to get it over the line. The structure was even as well. Good job.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Stevea
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You are most welcome, Steve.
Comment from Zue65
this is such a sad and haunting poem. The visual imagery used, from the seagulls crying, the weeping wind, the oceans sighing, the lonely wolfish roar of breakers on the beach, the dark, black hills, the unkempt house of drunk staring blankly out, the deserted garden of the sweetheart, her lies, and your agony, all these elements, enhanced the message of gloom, your message to the readers. An excellent write.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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this is such a sad and haunting poem. The visual imagery used, from the seagulls crying, the weeping wind, the oceans sighing, the lonely wolfish roar of breakers on the beach, the dark, black hills, the unkempt house of drunk staring blankly out, the deserted garden of the sweetheart, her lies, and your agony, all these elements, enhanced the message of gloom, your message to the readers. An excellent write.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you.
Yes, I went all out for despair and melancholy here - glad you felt I achieved it.
Steve
Comment from RGstar
Nicely written, Steve, still, I was trying to visualize the connection between the crumbling , cottage, the sea and the lost love. Perhaps a deeper meaning. Yet still there is a beautiful poetic ambiance surrounding this, with words nicely chosen and placed.
A fitting entry for the competition, good luck.
Best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Nicely written, Steve, still, I was trying to visualize the connection between the crumbling , cottage, the sea and the lost love. Perhaps a deeper meaning. Yet still there is a beautiful poetic ambiance surrounding this, with words nicely chosen and placed.
A fitting entry for the competition, good luck.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks, RG
Perhaps the title gives the connection away...
Steve
Comment from krys123
Steve, a masterful and marvelous piece of poetry. This is where you have manifested the knowledge, skill and experience needed for success in a particular field such as poetry. Brilliantly creative and masterfully invented is your piece which is so resourceful and illuminative. Your rhyming was done so very well that neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained Aneurysm flowed smoothly throughout your poem which made it easy for me to read your poem so clearly.
Thank you for sharing and posting your work for others and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Steve, a masterful and marvelous piece of poetry. This is where you have manifested the knowledge, skill and experience needed for success in a particular field such as poetry. Brilliantly creative and masterfully invented is your piece which is so resourceful and illuminative. Your rhyming was done so very well that neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained Aneurysm flowed smoothly throughout your poem which made it easy for me to read your poem so clearly.
Thank you for sharing and posting your work for others and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Alex, once again thanks for your warm review and the six stars - I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.
Steve
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You are so sincerely welcome Steve and I enjoyed your poem tremendously.
Alex
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You are so sincerely welcomes the and I enjoyed it tremendously.
Alex
Comment from Janet Foor
A wonderfully haunting poem that was a joy to read aloud. Perfect rhyme and good use of alliteration for a smooth read. Very well written. Good luck in the ABAB contest.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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A wonderfully haunting poem that was a joy to read aloud. Perfect rhyme and good use of alliteration for a smooth read. Very well written. Good luck in the ABAB contest.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Stevea
Comment from Charlene0513
To kiwisteveh,
An eerie but somber look into the melancholy ways that hover over the little shack that once held so much promise.
Good areas of alliteration and metaphors noted.
Charlene
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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To kiwisteveh,
An eerie but somber look into the melancholy ways that hover over the little shack that once held so much promise.
Good areas of alliteration and metaphors noted.
Charlene
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Charlene.
Steve
Comment from CollinSmith
This was really good! Better than anything I'd be able to create! Thought it was a little boring, but it was still really good! Great job!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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This was really good! Better than anything I'd be able to create! Thought it was a little boring, but it was still really good! Great job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the review and welcome to FanStory.
I am a little puzzled by your 4-star rating given that you felt it was really good....
Steve
