Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "The Dark Of the Moon"A book of Poetry & Writing
134 total reviews
Comment from ElegantButler
I weep now for all those soldiers who died on foreign soil and streets protecting their homes and the homes of the innocent abroad.
And I weep for all those soldiers who died in their homeland, ignored and forgotten on the streets by the same government who asked for their help.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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I weep now for all those soldiers who died on foreign soil and streets protecting their homes and the homes of the innocent abroad.
And I weep for all those soldiers who died in their homeland, ignored and forgotten on the streets by the same government who asked for their help.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
This is wonderful in thought and I would have loved to give it a 6 star rating but I kept getting bungled in tenses of when I saw and thought the thoughts and had the feelings. The easiest way for me is to do it this way:
Dark is the moon as we lay so embraced,
Glimmering stars reflect tears on your face,
Silk is the touch; your hand brushes mine,
Whispers from heaven, so near is the time.
Reflect on this life, the tears and the joy,
The heart of this soldier, it's time to deploy.
Slow is the breath as I wait on God's grace, and
Six of my brothers carry me forward to my resting place.
Eerie the whine of this bugle as taps pierces the sky,
While the flag she is lowered to complete my deploy.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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This is wonderful in thought and I would have loved to give it a 6 star rating but I kept getting bungled in tenses of when I saw and thought the thoughts and had the feelings. The easiest way for me is to do it this way:
Dark is the moon as we lay so embraced,
Glimmering stars reflect tears on your face,
Silk is the touch; your hand brushes mine,
Whispers from heaven, so near is the time.
Reflect on this life, the tears and the joy,
The heart of this soldier, it's time to deploy.
Slow is the breath as I wait on God's grace, and
Six of my brothers carry me forward to my resting place.
Eerie the whine of this bugle as taps pierces the sky,
While the flag she is lowered to complete my deploy.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Deepwater - Lovely dedication to those who were sacrificed in war. You timed this well - it is exactly 100 years since the break out of WW1 - the war to end all wars. Then just 20 years later WW2 broke out and there has been wars somewhere on earth ever since. What is wrong with the human race? Loved your poem. Kind regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Hi Deepwater - Lovely dedication to those who were sacrificed in war. You timed this well - it is exactly 100 years since the break out of WW1 - the war to end all wars. Then just 20 years later WW2 broke out and there has been wars somewhere on earth ever since. What is wrong with the human race? Loved your poem. Kind regards Dorothy
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you
Comment from acerisestory
This is a beautifully-written piece of poetry about a fallen soldier. I particularly like the line:
The heart of this soldier, it's time to deploy
Very moving! Your rhyming is well done. I wonder if the last line might flow a little better if you said:
"the flag is now lowered to complete my deploy"? The "she"
seems a bit forced.
Thank you for sharing, gw. Alana
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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This is a beautifully-written piece of poetry about a fallen soldier. I particularly like the line:
The heart of this soldier, it's time to deploy
Very moving! Your rhyming is well done. I wonder if the last line might flow a little better if you said:
"the flag is now lowered to complete my deploy"? The "she"
seems a bit forced.
Thank you for sharing, gw. Alana
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi GW,
I truly appreciated this tender thought of remembrance. You developed a sensitive approach to the terrible price that is paid by loved ones everywhere. Loved the line, "Silk was the touch; Your hand brushed mine, Whispers from heaven, so near is the time". Beautiful sentiment! This would have made an excellent entry in the "Love Poem" contest, for it speaks of the ultimate sacrifice, which to me, speaks of love.
Wonderful work displayed in this write, best wishes, Bill
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Hi GW,
I truly appreciated this tender thought of remembrance. You developed a sensitive approach to the terrible price that is paid by loved ones everywhere. Loved the line, "Silk was the touch; Your hand brushed mine, Whispers from heaven, so near is the time". Beautiful sentiment! This would have made an excellent entry in the "Love Poem" contest, for it speaks of the ultimate sacrifice, which to me, speaks of love.
Wonderful work displayed in this write, best wishes, Bill
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thanks Bill
Comment from Glasstruth
A truly wonderful tribute to those who have served, or have died for our country. Very elegantly written. Like the line about "The eerie whine of this bugle, taps pierces this sky," I can truly hear it. Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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A truly wonderful tribute to those who have served, or have died for our country. Very elegantly written. Like the line about "The eerie whine of this bugle, taps pierces this sky," I can truly hear it. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thanks Les
Comment from Chocolate Chip
Very meaningful as it is powerful. The images that are created by the wording used is very effective to make sense out of no sense. The bravery of soldiers defending our right to be free w/ the cost of their precious lives. It means more than any one individual can express. This is a wonderful start! Thank you for your talents which you're sharing w/ the world & your fellow writers. ;) CC
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Very meaningful as it is powerful. The images that are created by the wording used is very effective to make sense out of no sense. The bravery of soldiers defending our right to be free w/ the cost of their precious lives. It means more than any one individual can express. This is a wonderful start! Thank you for your talents which you're sharing w/ the world & your fellow writers. ;) CC
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you CC
Comment from nomi338
The loss of any young man's life feels out of place, like perhaps some part of the future has been stolen. When this life belongs to a soldier who has died while trying to protect and defend the interests of his land and his people, it is doubly and deeply troubling. I can remember my days in the military, how the weight of my responsibility felt as I tried to conduct my honorably and respectfully as is fitting for a U.S. serviceman.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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The loss of any young man's life feels out of place, like perhaps some part of the future has been stolen. When this life belongs to a soldier who has died while trying to protect and defend the interests of his land and his people, it is doubly and deeply troubling. I can remember my days in the military, how the weight of my responsibility felt as I tried to conduct my honorably and respectfully as is fitting for a U.S. serviceman.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you
Comment from lizabethrita
I love you ,, made me cry. Your image is touching, but what could touch the painting that you have done with your words?" Silk was the touch; your hand brushed mine" , with a lovely thought, blissful, sweet. Then you bring the image of the carrying brothers. Words are not enough for this lasting, touching, and yes wrenching image.
+ God bless you.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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I love you ,, made me cry. Your image is touching, but what could touch the painting that you have done with your words?" Silk was the touch; your hand brushed mine" , with a lovely thought, blissful, sweet. Then you bring the image of the carrying brothers. Words are not enough for this lasting, touching, and yes wrenching image.
+ God bless you.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you for this
Gary
Comment from Tina McKala
very impressive poem, great job with putting down the words.
only one issue - i'm not sure if this is a poetic form or not (if it is, then ignore me), but I didn't like the double usage of "deploy" at the end of the lines - it spoiled the ending for me, otherwise I would give you 6 stars.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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very impressive poem, great job with putting down the words.
only one issue - i'm not sure if this is a poetic form or not (if it is, then ignore me), but I didn't like the double usage of "deploy" at the end of the lines - it spoiled the ending for me, otherwise I would give you 6 stars.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thanks Tina
