Clocks stand motionless
The Lost87 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
I like your conception of the clock standing motionless, a slice of poignant time preserved for all time and I do hope that this is not biographical. The first line- abbreviation in time . I think it would read better as "an abbreviation of time" as the clocks are not an abbreviation standing in a wedge of time, rather the clocks stopped abbreviate time. Still a five, but I can't get past the line " what is the prepares" . Do you mean " what is it that prepares?"
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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I like your conception of the clock standing motionless, a slice of poignant time preserved for all time and I do hope that this is not biographical. The first line- abbreviation in time . I think it would read better as "an abbreviation of time" as the clocks are not an abbreviation standing in a wedge of time, rather the clocks stopped abbreviate time. Still a five, but I can't get past the line " what is the prepares" . Do you mean " what is it that prepares?"
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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thank you
Comment from angelface2
clocks standing motionless... I guess that pretty well describes it. I felt that way when I lost my husband. If you have lost your wife of 60 years, I am so sorry. there is that feeling of why go on?! Nicely written GW. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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clocks standing motionless... I guess that pretty well describes it. I felt that way when I lost my husband. If you have lost your wife of 60 years, I am so sorry. there is that feeling of why go on?! Nicely written GW. Miss Sally
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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thank you Miss Sally
Comment from RGstar
A very lyrical write with a meaningful finish. One thing I wondered about was the word 'prepares'
It sort of threw me.
''What is the prepares, why continue on life,''
Is it derived from the verb 'prepare' or are you using another form?
You also use it in plural form which would mean using 'are instead of ''is'' and you should perhaps have a question mark after ''life''
''What is the prepares, why continue on life?''
Having said that, I am still wondering how the verb 'prepare' is working as used in that sentence.
Best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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A very lyrical write with a meaningful finish. One thing I wondered about was the word 'prepares'
It sort of threw me.
''What is the prepares, why continue on life,''
Is it derived from the verb 'prepare' or are you using another form?
You also use it in plural form which would mean using 'are instead of ''is'' and you should perhaps have a question mark after ''life''
''What is the prepares, why continue on life?''
Having said that, I am still wondering how the verb 'prepare' is working as used in that sentence.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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thanks RG
Comment from ArtGal
First, I'd like to say that this picture is perfect for this poem. The beginning threw me because I couldn't comprehend, until further along. Those last three lines said it all. I pray that this is fiction. What a wonderful write, and you sure know how to put words together. . .Sharon
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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First, I'd like to say that this picture is perfect for this poem. The beginning threw me because I couldn't comprehend, until further along. Those last three lines said it all. I pray that this is fiction. What a wonderful write, and you sure know how to put words together. . .Sharon
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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thanks Sharon
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You're so very welcome!
Comment from Charlene0513
To deepwater,
A sullen and sad poem addressing the unimportance of life and going on living.In depth emotion felt and the stillness of a new day without his beloved soul-mate
Enjambment statements made.
Charlene
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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To deepwater,
A sullen and sad poem addressing the unimportance of life and going on living.In depth emotion felt and the stillness of a new day without his beloved soul-mate
Enjambment statements made.
Charlene
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Thanks Charlene
Comment from Oatmeal
dw,
Please tell me tat you did not lose your wife. I feel so much pain for you...
The theme is good but the ending is very sad. Your feelings are expressed well. Your arrangement looks very nice. The flow is smooth. The descriptive words you chose are very good.
There was no SPAG, no typos, no room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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dw,
Please tell me tat you did not lose your wife. I feel so much pain for you...
The theme is good but the ending is very sad. Your feelings are expressed well. Your arrangement looks very nice. The flow is smooth. The descriptive words you chose are very good.
There was no SPAG, no typos, no room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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thank you Oatmeal not married
Gary
Comment from visionary1234
Of course I got to the point of the piece right at the last line, but before that I must admit to being lost!
"What is the prepares, why continue on life," - doesn't make grammatical sense, which I'm afraid confused me ... though I definitely enjoyed the first couple of lines where you really portrayed well that frozen moment in time where you realize nothing will ever be the same.
:)S
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Of course I got to the point of the piece right at the last line, but before that I must admit to being lost!
"What is the prepares, why continue on life," - doesn't make grammatical sense, which I'm afraid confused me ... though I definitely enjoyed the first couple of lines where you really portrayed well that frozen moment in time where you realize nothing will ever be the same.
:)S
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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thanks S
Comment from DALLAS01
Time does stand still when we lose someone we love. One wonders how the rest of the world continues to keep on ticking when we are stuck in that time of sorrow. Hope this is not auto biographical.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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Time does stand still when we lose someone we love. One wonders how the rest of the world continues to keep on ticking when we are stuck in that time of sorrow. Hope this is not auto biographical.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2014
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thank you Dallas
Comment from CHIGYSISKI
NICE REFLECTIVE POEM.I LIKE THE IDEA OF A MOTIONLESS CLOCK BEING AN ABBREVIATION IN TIME. DID YOU MEAN TO SAY: WHAT IS THE 'PURPOSE' IN LINE 5? GREAT JOB AND BEST OF LUCK IN THE CONTEST.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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NICE REFLECTIVE POEM.I LIKE THE IDEA OF A MOTIONLESS CLOCK BEING AN ABBREVIATION IN TIME. DID YOU MEAN TO SAY: WHAT IS THE 'PURPOSE' IN LINE 5? GREAT JOB AND BEST OF LUCK IN THE CONTEST.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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thank you
Comment from Dean Kuch
Nicely written, Gary, very poignantly penned, and so touching.
My father-in-law felt exactly this way after losing his wife of 36 years. That was in 2012, and he still misses her every single day...
Good work.
~Dean
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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Nicely written, Gary, very poignantly penned, and so touching.
My father-in-law felt exactly this way after losing his wife of 36 years. That was in 2012, and he still misses her every single day...
Good work.
~Dean
Comment Written 22-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
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thanks Dean
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Always a pleasure, Gary. I hope this was a fictional account, a perception, if you will, and not based upon personal experience. No one should have to lose a loving spouse, under any circumstances.
