Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Dear old Gram,"A book of Poetry & Writing
124 total reviews
Comment from Pete Ak...
A nicely put together tribute. The idea is sound as are the images you've conjured. You tend to focus most attention on realities and use direct factual language, with a few exceptions at the very end ("The morning did come with a risen sun / And a new wind blew over her land")where you employ a weather based metaphor. I wonder if, had you used this approach a little more it might create a more poignant piece? (just a suggestion)Apologies in advance for my pedantry, but use of the word "so" to open the last line feels wrong to me as it's clear you don't intend it to be linked to the previous line. Hope you find this constructive.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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A nicely put together tribute. The idea is sound as are the images you've conjured. You tend to focus most attention on realities and use direct factual language, with a few exceptions at the very end ("The morning did come with a risen sun / And a new wind blew over her land")where you employ a weather based metaphor. I wonder if, had you used this approach a little more it might create a more poignant piece? (just a suggestion)Apologies in advance for my pedantry, but use of the word "so" to open the last line feels wrong to me as it's clear you don't intend it to be linked to the previous line. Hope you find this constructive.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thanks for the comments
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture that you put with it. this is a wonderful tribute to your grandmother. great job
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture that you put with it. this is a wonderful tribute to your grandmother. great job
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thank you sweetwood
Comment from jadapenn
This was a very sweet tribute to Gram who went through all the trials and tribulations for the generations to follow. I wonder if she ever thought this way.
I enjoyed the poem and the presentation.
Well penned. luv jada
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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This was a very sweet tribute to Gram who went through all the trials and tribulations for the generations to follow. I wonder if she ever thought this way.
I enjoyed the poem and the presentation.
Well penned. luv jada
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thank you for reading Jada
Comment from El.Marjie
You've done your family a great service by writing down some of your memories of your grandmother. Everyone should do as much as they can to preserve their family history.
I did want to make a suggestion. It follows:
The line "And new winds cleaned her land." seems out of meter. Here's a suggestion to keep it in meter.
(And a new wind blew over her land.)
Good work. Best Blessings! Marjie
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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You've done your family a great service by writing down some of your memories of your grandmother. Everyone should do as much as they can to preserve their family history.
I did want to make a suggestion. It follows:
The line "And new winds cleaned her land." seems out of meter. Here's a suggestion to keep it in meter.
(And a new wind blew over her land.)
Good work. Best Blessings! Marjie
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you Marjie, i went and made that change thanks for the comments, GW
Comment from Amfunny
What a delightful poem and a nice tribute to your grandmother. I enjoyed reading and reviewing your poem. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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What a delightful poem and a nice tribute to your grandmother. I enjoyed reading and reviewing your poem. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thank you Amfunny
Comment from Awatef
This is an amazing poem. I enjoyed reading it. I wished that the main character didn't have to die. Heroes are recognized after they die more than when they were alive. Great job.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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This is an amazing poem. I enjoyed reading it. I wished that the main character didn't have to die. Heroes are recognized after they die more than when they were alive. Great job.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thank you Awatef, yes she was a heroe to us, GW
Comment from Wild Flower
She sounds like a brave and courageous woman who lived through a lot of trials in her life. This was a wonderful tribute to her and her strength. Thanks for sharing this with us and allowing us to see a glimpse of what she must have been like.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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She sounds like a brave and courageous woman who lived through a lot of trials in her life. This was a wonderful tribute to her and her strength. Thanks for sharing this with us and allowing us to see a glimpse of what she must have been like.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thank you wild Flower
Comment from enjoi
This is a very good dedication poem you have here. There are no errors, and a pleasing rhythm. Good stuff, with out any errors. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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This is a very good dedication poem you have here. There are no errors, and a pleasing rhythm. Good stuff, with out any errors. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thank you enjoi
Comment from FredCollingwood
Imagine if someone did something about Hitler in the 1930's before he was able to buold a war machine. Instead everyone tried to appease him. Great poem, Deep.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Imagine if someone did something about Hitler in the 1930's before he was able to buold a war machine. Instead everyone tried to appease him. Great poem, Deep.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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thank you for your comments Fred,, Gary
Comment from Nicki_Mist
I was wondering where you had gone for the past few days and then your poem came up. lol. Your poem is so sad yet it talks of a very strong woman who was loved by many. Keep on writing like this. Good and touching poem.
Nicole
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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I was wondering where you had gone for the past few days and then your poem came up. lol. Your poem is so sad yet it talks of a very strong woman who was loved by many. Keep on writing like this. Good and touching poem.
Nicole
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you Nicole i do have to do real work sometimes...smiling
