Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I made my change.



I didn't get all the review written, sorry. The poem itself is very emotional and causes up to take a second look at our military.

The things you seen the life you've survived (verb tense issue, 'you seen', it has to be you've seen or you saw)

The lesions you learned (I think you meant lessons)

From Ship to ship (lower case 's' on the first ship)

Your looking at this ocean and wandering why your here (Both 'your' should be 'you're'

What of live on the main land (what of live, maybe life)


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 Comment Written 01-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2010

thanks for the comments have made the change Gary

reply by barbara.wilkey on 01-Jul-2010

If you make the correction, I will be happy to change the rating.

reply by the author on 01-Jul-2010

have made Barbara thank you

Comment from JMRoland

Good

Hi deepwater,

This is an interesting and well-written poem about a sailor, and the old photo is most intriguing and a perfect accompanyment to your story in verse. Perhaps he is a family member? There are some spelling and grammar issues:
1. Line 1, "you " should be "you've".
2. Line 3, "lesions" should be "lessons".
3. Line 13, "your" should be "you're" (twice on same line)
4. Line 17, "live" should be "life".

This is a good poem. It has great depth of feeling and an authentic ring to it. Well done.

JMR

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2010

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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2010

thanks JM did make the change