Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

great aabb rhyming scheme compliments the story. Only thing
I can fault which is really chicken shit was the rhyming of China/ Jemima proximate but not phonetically perfect

only a very small glitch not really worth worrying about I suppose...can you think of a girl's name spelt with suffix "ina" and rhyming with china?

sounds like a great book Steve.

dip

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014

Thanks, Dip - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from strandregs

Excellent

Would a teddy fit into the tub, do you s'pose?Now into our 'jamas and ready for bed;
For better flow -
Would my teddy enjoy a warm dip, do you s'pose?
Lovely bed time rhyme to take my mind off other matters :-)
I'm your book will be a classic
A hit
Don't ever quit.
Z.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014

Thanks for the warm words.

Hang in there.

Steve

Comment from Tigerman55

Good

A well written poem especially for young children. It takes one back to when you you were much younger and loved playing imaginary games. Poems like this are fun to read. Well done.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014

Thank you!

Steve

reply by Tigerman55 on 04-Jan-2016

Keep up with your writing, it sounds good

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Perfect fun poem for kids, Steve.

Great harmless swashbuckling adventures in vivid imagery, including the fun 'There's jam on my jacket and mud on my nose'.

A bit long for me, but the innocent fun held my attention. Oh, if only to be a child again.

Congrats on the win.

Cheers, Ray

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014

Thanks! Yes, this does take us back to our imaginative childhood days.

Steve

Comment from CHIGYSISKI

Exceptional

This is a beautiful poem. The day is aptly described in the text.I can readily identify with the day starting instantly with play for a young child and her teddy.The rhyming is ingenious! Best of luck with your book!

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2014

Thanks so much for the great review and the six shiny stars.

Steve

Comment from J. P. Egry

Excellent

I absolutely adore this perfectly written poem from the point of view of a little girl's Teddy bear! The storyline is lively and well-detailed with musical meter and rhyme.

I love some of the original words such as "piratical" and the nautical term "scuppered". The language of the poem adds so much color and brightness to the whole.

This would make a wonderful children's picture book that a parent would read to a child!

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2011

Thank you - I appreciate your perceptive comments about the language - I am going to see if I can produce a poster-sized version for my own grand-daughter and have her name replace 'Molly' in the poem...
Steve

Comment from Keronica

Excellent

Wow! This is such a touching and whimsical poem about the life of a teddy bear! There was a show on when I was younger, (it might still be on to this day), I can't remember the name though. Anyway, It was about this little blond girl who had a teddy bear with green overalls on. He would always get lost and need to be found by the little girl. It was a cute show! I loved this poem! Reminds me of being little! Thanks for sharing and congratulations to you!

~Keronica

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011

Thank you. Not sure what the show is you refer to but it seems everyone either had a teddy (some still do) or could relate to Paddington or Winnie the Pooh...
Steve

reply by Keronica on 27-Sep-2011

Shit! I just remembered it! It's called: corduroy if you want to check it out! :)

Comment from Juliette Chamberlain

Excellent

A beautiful whimsical poem, which truly deserved the winner's rosette.
I fell inlove with that little teddy as he shared his young friend's adventures, and eventually fell asleep beside her.

Perfect rhythm and rhyme.
Juliette

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011

Thank you, Juliette.
My swashbuckling bear seems to have captured a few hearts!
Steve

Comment from ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent

I'm glad you won because after reading this I wish I would have been on more the past couple days. I think I would have voted for you too. I used to have a teddy. He didn't have such a luxurious life because he got me through the tough times but he was always there. Thick or thin. Wonderful job

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011

Thank you for the kind comments - my swashbuckling little bear has struck a chord with many people it seems...
Steve

Comment from Van

Excellent

Quite the adventure for a teddy bear. Great pic to go along with the text.
Content: excellent
Flow: perfect
Mechanics: flawless
Great submission.
Congratulations.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011

Thanks, Van.
I actually threw this together in a couple of hours with the deadline looming, so it was a pleasant surprise that it did so well in the booth.
Steve