To a son of God
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "I am Providence ...!"Metre ... Freeverse & Quatrain
92 total reviews
Comment from Mike Battaglia
Good day sir.
I am no poet, so I don't feel qualified to comment on structure, form, etc. But I do enjoy reading them for the fact of the sheer power that words can contain, and I felt a bit of that power here. Maybe more than a bit.
I read through some of the reviews and I had to laugh. Some people just don't get it. Maybe it's just me, but I believe a poem is about evoking a feeling; a response within the reader. How they interpret it is up to their perspectives and what emotions the words stir up in thier soul. It's not necessarily about what you were trying to SAY so much as what you wanted the reader to FEEL. And in that regard I award you five stars.
"Whom you all thought religion bought..." That was brilliant, mate. I enjoyed this. Cheers.
(;
--11g
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Good day sir.
I am no poet, so I don't feel qualified to comment on structure, form, etc. But I do enjoy reading them for the fact of the sheer power that words can contain, and I felt a bit of that power here. Maybe more than a bit.
I read through some of the reviews and I had to laugh. Some people just don't get it. Maybe it's just me, but I believe a poem is about evoking a feeling; a response within the reader. How they interpret it is up to their perspectives and what emotions the words stir up in thier soul. It's not necessarily about what you were trying to SAY so much as what you wanted the reader to FEEL. And in that regard I award you five stars.
"Whom you all thought religion bought..." That was brilliant, mate. I enjoyed this. Cheers.
(;
--11g
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Well thats the way I saw it while I was meditating on this individual...I'm glad you appreciated it and even though you may not be a poet you could still feel the power and intent that I desired to deliver...its a perfect free vers as far as I can see...much obliged,
Bic.
p.s. if you want to see how difficult it is for some people to get it read donaldww's review, ...very interesting...!
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I did. Which is one of the reasons I laughed (;
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I know...
Comment from rjuselius
this is a beautiful piece of poetic art! i love the topic, the content and the execution as well as
how you've made the character stutter.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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this is a beautiful piece of poetic art! i love the topic, the content and the execution as well as
how you've made the character stutter.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Well I agree, except for the stutter...he is simply pausing and reflecting and then speaking again, thats what I use the "..." for. I not a writer but I think thats what its supposed to mean...
...any help much appreciated.
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I've changed to the usal form of pause, the comma,and wondering if it reads better.I left the others in for line emphasis...
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Hey...! do you think the remember me's in the first stanza work better with a question mark or a full stop. The intention is a rhetorical question by first person dialouge...I like it without, but if it would read better with, why not...!
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i would probably use a question mark and an exclamation point. but of course i'm only one voice.
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mmmmm...anyone else help?
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write with imagery and needs no change. I love the words and the display of your poem. The picture and the colour blend well together. Mary
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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A good write with imagery and needs no change. I love the words and the display of your poem. The picture and the colour blend well together. Mary
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thanks mary,
...glad you could
appreciate.
Comment from anabellapongasi
This was a very intriguing read. At first I thought it was about Jesus but I wasn't sure about the tone. Then I noticed the word "megalomania" not a nice meaning in that. I got really curious as to what this was about so I read the reviews. Hmmm... now I see...
It would have been easier to understand this piece if there were some hints given in the author notes :) But this was really a clever write. Good use of repetition, spacing and line breaks and punctuation for flow and effect :)
Anabella
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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This was a very intriguing read. At first I thought it was about Jesus but I wasn't sure about the tone. Then I noticed the word "megalomania" not a nice meaning in that. I got really curious as to what this was about so I read the reviews. Hmmm... now I see...
It would have been easier to understand this piece if there were some hints given in the author notes :) But this was really a clever write. Good use of repetition, spacing and line breaks and punctuation for flow and effect :)
Anabella
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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I did not want to give the game away...
...glad you could appreciate,
Every Blessing,
Bic.
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I understand :) ...enjoy the interesting responses :) Blessings, Anabella
Comment from Khione Lock
This is really good. I love the part about the silky locks and the picture is beautiful. I am a huge fan of horses. A lovely poem and you did a wonderful job.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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This is really good. I love the part about the silky locks and the picture is beautiful. I am a huge fan of horses. A lovely poem and you did a wonderful job.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Excellent, much obliged,
Bic.
Comment from christianpowers
This was a really strange, somewhat disturbing, poem, with it's disparate thoughts and intentionally chaotic meter.
I still don't understand it. If it weren't for the pic you uploaded I'd have guessed it was political, like an indictment on our system of justice.
But, with the picture, I'm confused even more. White horses symbolize purity (or a pale horse could be the end of times... although you do say, 'upon my white horse' not pale horse... so what is he, a good guy, a knight?) and Providence is usually considered the care given to us by God, a divine gift of sustanance.
Yet, despite those meanings, the line, 'I will kill your sons and daughters' followed by, 'first with my words' 'Then with my love' completely derails the train of meaning for me.
Then the other refrain of, 'Whom you all thought religion bought'... well, now it's just a nonsence poem to me.
What 'good guy', 'pure' person or thing would kill my sons and daughters, first with words and then with love? Someone or something I thought religion bought?
Sorry, I don't get it... and I suspect you don't either. However, if you can prove me wrong by giving me the answer to this riddle, I'd be most impressed.
Christian
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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This was a really strange, somewhat disturbing, poem, with it's disparate thoughts and intentionally chaotic meter.
I still don't understand it. If it weren't for the pic you uploaded I'd have guessed it was political, like an indictment on our system of justice.
But, with the picture, I'm confused even more. White horses symbolize purity (or a pale horse could be the end of times... although you do say, 'upon my white horse' not pale horse... so what is he, a good guy, a knight?) and Providence is usually considered the care given to us by God, a divine gift of sustanance.
Yet, despite those meanings, the line, 'I will kill your sons and daughters' followed by, 'first with my words' 'Then with my love' completely derails the train of meaning for me.
Then the other refrain of, 'Whom you all thought religion bought'... well, now it's just a nonsence poem to me.
What 'good guy', 'pure' person or thing would kill my sons and daughters, first with words and then with love? Someone or something I thought religion bought?
Sorry, I don't get it... and I suspect you don't either. However, if you can prove me wrong by giving me the answer to this riddle, I'd be most impressed.
Christian
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Please read donaldww's review and I will be happy to further reply if you still have some diffuculty with it...
...my pleasure,
Bic.
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Ah, I get it now. You have confused 'Providence' with 'fate', in my opinion. Providence is a word used to describe only the blessings God gives us. The word's meaning should not be corrupted to indicate anything other than what it's used to describe.
If 'fate' is your meaning, then 'fate' should be the word used in your poem. Providence cannot kill, because it's meaning would change if it did, and another word would be required.
I am not religious at all. Hell, I'm agnostic, and don't know if there's any such thing as Providence. I do, however, believe in using words properly... as a tool... to have discussions like this one without confusion and misunderstandings.
If you use the word black to describe white I can't stop you, and you can come up with all kinds of reasons for it. But, in the end, most reasonable people will agree your word usage is wrong.
Your grandfather did not die due to any 'Providence' by God. Chance, fate, maybe even retribution from God could be the reason, but Providence can only save and fulfill our lives, as indicated simply by the meaning it conveys, simply by its very nature.
Christian
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Well, my definition of providence is the certain outcome God intended within man choosing his own actions, in a strange sense your talking a load of bollocks...!
Comment from travisjy
ts good i like it how so little words can have such a great meaning you did a great job on this. the words aARE SO TRUE YOU CAPTURED EVERY PICTURE PERFECT
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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ts good i like it how so little words can have such a great meaning you did a great job on this. the words aARE SO TRUE YOU CAPTURED EVERY PICTURE PERFECT
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Excellent, why the four...?
Comment from c_lucas
Divinity does not dwell in a ritualistic blizzard. The Bible Teaches on to be still and "know that I am the Lord thou God..." Providence begins with knowing Self.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Divinity does not dwell in a ritualistic blizzard. The Bible Teaches on to be still and "know that I am the Lord thou God..." Providence begins with knowing Self.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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mmmm....!
I appreciate the thought charlie, I see providence as an outer force from which we cannot conrtol in a strange sense it controls us....
much appreciated Charlie
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Man is always in control of his universe which is created by his thoughts.
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mmmm....!
I'm afraid I'll have to agree to disagree on this one Charlie,
much obliged,
Bic.
Comment from chasdflynn
It is a very good piece of poetic work. I enjoyed reading it although I am not a believer in Providence. I do think karma keeps us in check though.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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It is a very good piece of poetic work. I enjoyed reading it although I am not a believer in Providence. I do think karma keeps us in check though.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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no worries...
Comment from Meta~Mark
Wow, I am thinking and thinking which is good pal, the white horse,is all that is good and I did see the notes,of Hitler and his,parallel to Christ and the terror he bestowed upon the,world, I may use that in a poem, handed all sixes or,this,would get one, bravo
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Wow, I am thinking and thinking which is good pal, the white horse,is all that is good and I did see the notes,of Hitler and his,parallel to Christ and the terror he bestowed upon the,world, I may use that in a poem, handed all sixes or,this,would get one, bravo
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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No worries M...
...glad you could appreciate.
