Toxic Transference
A bit of free verse on negativity and wasted time106 total reviews
Comment from fictionwriter
Wonderful poem. It's so true if you feel down you can always find someone worse off than you and give them a hand. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Wonderful poem. It's so true if you feel down you can always find someone worse off than you and give them a hand. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thanks a lot
Comment from Judian James
This is really good and it's wonderful to read something from your pen today, Monte. I do have one suggestion. I think the piece would have even more power if you kept the "third world" observations together ... "third world observations, disease, homelessness, famine, poverty and pain" followed by "life appreciation reassessment, find
new perspectives" just a thought. excellent
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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This is really good and it's wonderful to read something from your pen today, Monte. I do have one suggestion. I think the piece would have even more power if you kept the "third world" observations together ... "third world observations, disease, homelessness, famine, poverty and pain" followed by "life appreciation reassessment, find
new perspectives" just a thought. excellent
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thanks for the suggestion
Comment from Jean Lutz
Words, art and author notes all work together well to give a great piece of wisdom. Dark clouds chased away by bright ones. Words designed to provoke one to good works. Then you author notes put just the final touch! Great work. Great advice.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Words, art and author notes all work together well to give a great piece of wisdom. Dark clouds chased away by bright ones. Words designed to provoke one to good works. Then you author notes put just the final touch! Great work. Great advice.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thanks so much
Comment from another jim
Very solid poem with a great message! Your words were perfect, and very cleverly arranged to create some excellent free verse poetry. Imagery was strong despite your minimal word use. No easy task!
Well done, Monte...Jim.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Very solid poem with a great message! Your words were perfect, and very cleverly arranged to create some excellent free verse poetry. Imagery was strong despite your minimal word use. No easy task!
Well done, Monte...Jim.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thanks so much my friend
Comment from Freeflyer
You are so right. When we are down sometimes we make it worse by dwelling on it with perpetual complaining and moaning. That is the time to keep busy and as you suggest thinking about and helping others not so fortunate. This was an enjoyable read with a huge message.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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You are so right. When we are down sometimes we make it worse by dwelling on it with perpetual complaining and moaning. That is the time to keep busy and as you suggest thinking about and helping others not so fortunate. This was an enjoyable read with a huge message.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thank you
Comment from perunest
Excellent advice contained in this
fast-paced read. Negativity is a blight
on the human spirit and a sapper of
energy. You've used well-chosen words
to get your point across. Nicely done!
Carolyn
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Excellent advice contained in this
fast-paced read. Negativity is a blight
on the human spirit and a sapper of
energy. You've used well-chosen words
to get your point across. Nicely done!
Carolyn
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thank you
Comment from wierdgrace
so do i I loved the way you formatted your structure, just to make the point. I loved it, no errors and no revisions, just a great emotional reading, you are a true poet.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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so do i I loved the way you formatted your structure, just to make the point. I loved it, no errors and no revisions, just a great emotional reading, you are a true poet.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thank you so much my friend
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you are always welcome
Comment from rama devi
Bravo!
my guru recently said exactly the same thing. she had about a thousand people gathered and asked people to volunteer ideas on how to solve some of the ecological crisis and economic crisis.
the microphone was [passed around and so many ideas voiced. The focus was on SEEDS- but a lot of the feedback was negative.
She made a similar statement, after all the volunteered responses- Amma said that what is needed is a positive outlook and taking affirmative steps.
Loved the powerfully effective closing in your poem
disease, homelessness
famine
poverty and pain
blessings
in need of
counting
Help somebody
I like that the entire poem does not use caps and that you DO use caps suddenly to emphasize the closing line....but I think it would be more effective if you cap both words- Help Somebody- to make it more consistent.
This is a superb poem. So glad you promoted it highly so it gets alot of readership and yur important message, so poeticlaly conveyed, gets maximum exposure.
Warmly rd
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Bravo!
my guru recently said exactly the same thing. she had about a thousand people gathered and asked people to volunteer ideas on how to solve some of the ecological crisis and economic crisis.
the microphone was [passed around and so many ideas voiced. The focus was on SEEDS- but a lot of the feedback was negative.
She made a similar statement, after all the volunteered responses- Amma said that what is needed is a positive outlook and taking affirmative steps.
Loved the powerfully effective closing in your poem
disease, homelessness
famine
poverty and pain
blessings
in need of
counting
Help somebody
I like that the entire poem does not use caps and that you DO use caps suddenly to emphasize the closing line....but I think it would be more effective if you cap both words- Help Somebody- to make it more consistent.
This is a superb poem. So glad you promoted it highly so it gets alot of readership and yur important message, so poeticlaly conveyed, gets maximum exposure.
Warmly rd
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Thanks so much i very much appreciate your input
Comment from delphinus
I like the way this flows - has a very fast pace to it. It also has good strong stresses on words adding to the effect. I notice how it is written there is really no need for punctuation, as the lines run naturally and have their own pauses if you like! I also like how it ends abrumptly "Help somebody" - suggests that what is said is said, no more no less!!!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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I like the way this flows - has a very fast pace to it. It also has good strong stresses on words adding to the effect. I notice how it is written there is really no need for punctuation, as the lines run naturally and have their own pauses if you like! I also like how it ends abrumptly "Help somebody" - suggests that what is said is said, no more no less!!!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thank you
Comment from adewpearl
You are so right - I think we've all known people who dwell on misery, especially their own misery, and often it is barely misery at all compared to what their lives might be - as you say in your poem, this is toxic and blocks solutions. One has far less time and energy to devote to such unproductive negativity if he gets out into the community to help somebody else! Excellent poem. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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You are so right - I think we've all known people who dwell on misery, especially their own misery, and often it is barely misery at all compared to what their lives might be - as you say in your poem, this is toxic and blocks solutions. One has far less time and energy to devote to such unproductive negativity if he gets out into the community to help somebody else! Excellent poem. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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thank you
