Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "The Venus fly trap "A book of Poetry & Writing
91 total reviews
Comment from Aplgwest
Well, it would seem that it was fun while it lasted. The woman in the picture looks sweet and has a sense of humor. The poem is heartfelt and if it is true, I hope it helps you to move on.
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Well, it would seem that it was fun while it lasted. The woman in the picture looks sweet and has a sense of humor. The poem is heartfelt and if it is true, I hope it helps you to move on.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Love found, love lost. That is an age old story. I enjoyed reading your poem. I hated the ending. I always like happy endings.
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Love found, love lost. That is an age old story. I enjoyed reading your poem. I hated the ending. I always like happy endings.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
Comment from Norbanus
Water runs deep and significance seeps
from each line like a high noon tide
Some think it is cool to watch as a fool
buys a horse that is too much to ride
I thought from the start This must all be art
too sad for it all to be real
But that's how life works for some of us jerks
who dive in with excessive zeal
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Water runs deep and significance seeps
from each line like a high noon tide
Some think it is cool to watch as a fool
buys a horse that is too much to ride
I thought from the start This must all be art
too sad for it all to be real
But that's how life works for some of us jerks
who dive in with excessive zeal
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
Comment from livelylinda
deepwater: you should be familiar with the saying about how men don't think with their brains. . .it will get you into trouble every time. Nice writing. livelylinda
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deepwater: you should be familiar with the saying about how men don't think with their brains. . .it will get you into trouble every time. Nice writing. livelylinda
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
Comment from Kingsland
I liked the poem up and until the last line, as I didn't make the connection to Adam and Eve. The poem itself is well written with good thoughts of a love lost. It flowed well and had good descriptive language in it. I Still see this as a five star presentation. Even if I didn't find the connection to the last line... John
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I liked the poem up and until the last line, as I didn't make the connection to Adam and Eve. The poem itself is well written with good thoughts of a love lost. It flowed well and had good descriptive language in it. I Still see this as a five star presentation. Even if I didn't find the connection to the last line... John
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
Comment from adewpearl
good alliteration in so soft and smooth and springs of summer
trimmers of love - I think you mean tremors
good use of occasional rhyme
the party's and money - parties
Her weekend's away - drop the apostrophe
Adam and Eva - Eve
vivid descriptive detail
an interesting cautionary tale
Brooke
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good alliteration in so soft and smooth and springs of summer
trimmers of love - I think you mean tremors
good use of occasional rhyme
the party's and money - parties
Her weekend's away - drop the apostrophe
Adam and Eva - Eve
vivid descriptive detail
an interesting cautionary tale
Brooke
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
Comment from LIJ Red
This is a low five...I see changes I suspect you should make...TREMORS of love...IT IS more than any old man...
PARTIES and money ...WEEKENDS away while HE STAYED...
I am often wrong-but see what you think...
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This is a low five...I see changes I suspect you should make...TREMORS of love...IT IS more than any old man...
PARTIES and money ...WEEKENDS away while HE STAYED...
I am often wrong-but see what you think...
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Love found, love lost and as in the beginning it takes two to tango and two to bring about the fall. Generally a decent poem, but if you are going to spend your hard-earned bucks to promote so high, you owe it to yourself to edit. As in most of your previous posts, this one is replete with errors. Brown eyed- Brown-eyed; trimmers of love- tremors of love?; with reflection of dare- awkward phrasing. Why not reflecting a dare?; owe- should be our; dark eyed - dark-eyed; to have her as his bride- to have as his bride; the spring of summers? Huh?; near a year- nearly a year; party's - parties; weekend's- weekends; dark eyed - dark-eyed; wished he done- wished he had done; dark eyed- dark-eyed; man did always fail- man always failed. Those who five and move on without pointing out errors are not doing you any favors. You show a lot of promise with poems like the one about the ship wreck which you clearly spent more time on. Please, edit before you post and listen to constructive criticism.
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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Love found, love lost and as in the beginning it takes two to tango and two to bring about the fall. Generally a decent poem, but if you are going to spend your hard-earned bucks to promote so high, you owe it to yourself to edit. As in most of your previous posts, this one is replete with errors. Brown eyed- Brown-eyed; trimmers of love- tremors of love?; with reflection of dare- awkward phrasing. Why not reflecting a dare?; owe- should be our; dark eyed - dark-eyed; to have her as his bride- to have as his bride; the spring of summers? Huh?; near a year- nearly a year; party's - parties; weekend's- weekends; dark eyed - dark-eyed; wished he done- wished he had done; dark eyed- dark-eyed; man did always fail- man always failed. Those who five and move on without pointing out errors are not doing you any favors. You show a lot of promise with poems like the one about the ship wreck which you clearly spent more time on. Please, edit before you post and listen to constructive criticism.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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thank you for your comments but as you say I write the way I like as you do and am happen to like it this way so thanks again
Gary
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It has nothing to do with writing as you like or poetic licence. Poetic license does not cover spelling and grammar errors. I know I am not the only one to deduct stars for errors or spags. Please understand, this is a writing site and pointing out such errors is only done to help you improve.
Comment from thedreampeddler
Pretty much as good as ever.
It's so hard to top some of your other poems, but this one
doesn't disappoint. The quality is top notch, across the board.
thedreampeddler
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Pretty much as good as ever.
It's so hard to top some of your other poems, but this one
doesn't disappoint. The quality is top notch, across the board.
thedreampeddler
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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thank you I sometimes look outside the box of poems
Gary
Comment from Raphael Montonaro
Can I assume this poem is about an older man losing a younger girl? Good form and very good content. You worked your idea well....good writing!
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Can I assume this poem is about an older man losing a younger girl? Good form and very good content. You worked your idea well....good writing!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
