Fortune Cookies
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Faith Pt. 2"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
2 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Thank you, Cybertron (I wish people around here had names, LOL) for sharing this chapter.
You know of course that your suggestion in the author's remarks that the new reader read the previous chapters will fall on deaf ears. They ain't gonna do it! Not for 2 cents a pop. The best you can do is to write a brief summary of the preceding chapters, and that way, keep the readers reading your succeeding chapters.
I liked the flow of this chapter and it promises a juicy romance in the coming ones.
I do have one major concern:
"Hello," Jennifer smiles. She turns to find El thumbing through his textbook, never considering to commit to a formal introduction between his guest to his roommate. [You need to decide from the start whether you are going to write in the past tense or the present. In the preceding paragraphs, except for a few small glitches you wrote in the past tense. Now it is clearly present.]
Again, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Cybertron (I wish people around here had names, LOL) for sharing this chapter.
You know of course that your suggestion in the author's remarks that the new reader read the previous chapters will fall on deaf ears. They ain't gonna do it! Not for 2 cents a pop. The best you can do is to write a brief summary of the preceding chapters, and that way, keep the readers reading your succeeding chapters.
I liked the flow of this chapter and it promises a juicy romance in the coming ones.
I do have one major concern:
"Hello," Jennifer smiles. She turns to find El thumbing through his textbook, never considering to commit to a formal introduction between his guest to his roommate. [You need to decide from the start whether you are going to write in the past tense or the present. In the preceding paragraphs, except for a few small glitches you wrote in the past tense. Now it is clearly present.]
Again, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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Thank you. Well noted advice. I?m not actually a great writer. But, I?m learning the rules of grammar slowly. I will make the necessary adjustments.
Comment from lyenochka
What a timely song title since today is Christmas! I like the comedic effect of the curious dormmates outside of the door and also how unaware El is that Jennifer is attracted to him. Enjoyed how you created this scenario.
Some typos and formatting issues:
salavation of curiosity
crowd outisde his
of El's attention (extra space follows, maybe a new-line character)
a spark of (seems like a hidden next-line character is here)
El silently pauses. (pauses are usually silent. maybe he dramatically paused? or something else?)
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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What a timely song title since today is Christmas! I like the comedic effect of the curious dormmates outside of the door and also how unaware El is that Jennifer is attracted to him. Enjoyed how you created this scenario.
Some typos and formatting issues:
salavation of curiosity
crowd outisde his
of El's attention (extra space follows, maybe a new-line character)
a spark of (seems like a hidden next-line character is here)
El silently pauses. (pauses are usually silent. maybe he dramatically paused? or something else?)
Comment Written 26-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Helen. I appreciate the kind and helpful advice as always. I kinda rushed this one as I discovered I was one chapter short of being considered a ?ranked author? before the deadline. I will make the notes adjustments. Thank you and hope all is well.
I hope your Holidays was memorable and warm.
Happy New Year!
-Euell
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I totally relate. It always happens to me when I rush to post and I end up with all kinds of issues that others find. So glad that you'll be ranked this year and hope you will have more time to enjoy writing next year. Happy New Year!