Blended Reality
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Cups Diner"A collection of stories: Some True, some not
7 total reviews
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
You did a great job with the prompt, as this is a good
contest entry that should do well. This is very creative
and on some level believable., Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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You did a great job with the prompt, as this is a good
contest entry that should do well. This is very creative
and on some level believable., Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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K.L. Thanks!
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
That's what restaurants looked like when real cooks were on duty. These places usually served the best coffee and soda in the city. Today, fast food defines fast food. It's nothing to write home about. Often when you get home, most of your items are missing. After all the loss in his restaurant, Cups was more worried about the gang members being injured.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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That's what restaurants looked like when real cooks were on duty. These places usually served the best coffee and soda in the city. Today, fast food defines fast food. It's nothing to write home about. Often when you get home, most of your items are missing. After all the loss in his restaurant, Cups was more worried about the gang members being injured.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Yes, I miss the corner diners - so much as been replaced with programmed food stops - kinda like feeding the herd --ugh!
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Yes.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
So the gang was shot up by another gang?
What about the intervening month? Were the gang members customers? Did they drive off regular customers?
I know you were limited to 100 words, but maybe not every story can be told in just 100.
A little note - Calling 911 should be followed by a comma, not a semicolon.
Best wishes and good luck.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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So the gang was shot up by another gang?
What about the intervening month? Were the gang members customers? Did they drive off regular customers?
I know you were limited to 100 words, but maybe not every story can be told in just 100.
A little note - Calling 911 should be followed by a comma, not a semicolon.
Best wishes and good luck.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thanks, Wayne, and yes, a whole chapter could have really been quite interesting.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your contest entry. I enjoyed reading
it, though it was poignant and a bit scary. You portrayed Cups
well. He seemed like a great guy with much compassion.
Everyone has a breaking point, and that day he reached his.
However when he saw the results of the gang war, he realized
human life was more important than the damage the bullets
had done.
Best wishes, Jan
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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You did a good job with your contest entry. I enjoyed reading
it, though it was poignant and a bit scary. You portrayed Cups
well. He seemed like a great guy with much compassion.
Everyone has a breaking point, and that day he reached his.
However when he saw the results of the gang war, he realized
human life was more important than the damage the bullets
had done.
Best wishes, Jan
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Jan - I would like to see our society, as a whole, be more like Cups. Perhaps there would less gun violence?
Comment from lancellot
While I think this is well written and edited. And I think the background and premise were also well established, I am not sure if this story actually has a resolution, if the conflict was between Cups and the gangs.
I would recommend looking closer at that.
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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While I think this is well written and edited. And I think the background and premise were also well established, I am not sure if this story actually has a resolution, if the conflict was between Cups and the gangs.
I would recommend looking closer at that.
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Thanks Lance, for me the character came to a resolution with himself - Absolute anger to Absolute loving neutrality
Comment from karenina
This is the essence of a good flash... to take a hard right and give us an unexpected ending. Like life. Nothing goes by the numbers, no one color inside the lines. I liked "Cups" immediately -- a credit to your writing. I loved him by the end. A credit to your skill as a writer!
Karenina
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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This is the essence of a good flash... to take a hard right and give us an unexpected ending. Like life. Nothing goes by the numbers, no one color inside the lines. I liked "Cups" immediately -- a credit to your writing. I loved him by the end. A credit to your skill as a writer!
Karenina
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Karenina, thank you for your comments - I feel our society could use a few more "Cups" -for me the character came to resolution with himself - Absolute anger to Absolute loving neutrality
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Yes! I can totally see that! You are right of course--we all need to look beyond the "labels" and appearances" and see the humanity!
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Good job. I liked the twist about gang members shooting each other rather than "Cups" customers and the ending that leaves "Cups" sad rather than angry. Those plot points provided the conflict of dramatic tension. I wish we could get a little more description of "Cups," but understand there may be word count restrictions.
"Cups had always been agreeable and displayed a friendly attitude toward everyone." How would you show the reader that "Cups" was agreeable and friendly, rather than tell it?
It is so hard to tell a whole story well in so few words. Congrats, I think you gave it a good go.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Good job. I liked the twist about gang members shooting each other rather than "Cups" customers and the ending that leaves "Cups" sad rather than angry. Those plot points provided the conflict of dramatic tension. I wish we could get a little more description of "Cups," but understand there may be word count restrictions.
"Cups had always been agreeable and displayed a friendly attitude toward everyone." How would you show the reader that "Cups" was agreeable and friendly, rather than tell it?
It is so hard to tell a whole story well in so few words. Congrats, I think you gave it a good go.
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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I would add with the storyline, that he extended credit, served a few homeless meals, provide a parolee a kitchen job to get back his feet, and on and on! If only ... 🤗🤗🤗