If Love was Money, I'd be Broke
Life Without Love10 total reviews
Comment from Neonewman
I 100% understand the entire meaning of this well-crafted piece you have offered. Wow, if love was money, I'd be broke as well, my friend. Thank you for sharing.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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I 100% understand the entire meaning of this well-crafted piece you have offered. Wow, if love was money, I'd be broke as well, my friend. Thank you for sharing.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 05-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Steve.
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My pleasure, Harry.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Nicely done! Your poem captures a raw exploration of love. I thought the repetition of "if love was money, I'd be broke" is so perfect! I thought your poem shared an "emotional deficit" so well. Very creative and so well written!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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Nicely done! Your poem captures a raw exploration of love. I thought the repetition of "if love was money, I'd be broke" is so perfect! I thought your poem shared an "emotional deficit" so well. Very creative and so well written!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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Thank you Michael for the review!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Welcome to FS. I hope you grow to enjoy life here as much as I do.
This is an interesting poem for your first post. I liked the randomly-placed repetition line. It acted as though it was giving punctuation to the poem, and its words were well-chosen. kay
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Welcome to FS. I hope you grow to enjoy life here as much as I do.
This is an interesting poem for your first post. I liked the randomly-placed repetition line. It acted as though it was giving punctuation to the poem, and its words were well-chosen. kay
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you for your insight.
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Thank you! Harry.
Comment from JT traveller
You are a man who wears his heart on his sleeve and shares it openly. There is nothing wrong with that. Find the right one and you'll be rich with love, joy, enchantment and fun.
Congratulations on your milestone post. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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You are a man who wears his heart on his sleeve and shares it openly. There is nothing wrong with that. Find the right one and you'll be rich with love, joy, enchantment and fun.
Congratulations on your milestone post. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Lol! Yes, I guess you are right. Thank you for the kind words.
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Thank you Very much! Harry.
Comment from jessizero
Congratulations on your first milestone post!
I enjoyed your poem! I just have a few notes:
Your title should have "were" in place of "was" (It's because of the subjunctive mood, if you don't want to take my word for it)
The same thing goes for that "if love was" sentence that's repeated through the poem
"remaining remnants" is redundant
Thanks for sharing your poem, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Congratulations on your first milestone post!
I enjoyed your poem! I just have a few notes:
Your title should have "were" in place of "was" (It's because of the subjunctive mood, if you don't want to take my word for it)
The same thing goes for that "if love was" sentence that's repeated through the poem
"remaining remnants" is redundant
Thanks for sharing your poem, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you for the advice!
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Thanks for your kind words. Harry.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Wow, this is a great first entry. Very well done.
I especially liked this part as it was neatly worded:
Lighitng my cigarette for another toke, I think again
if love was money, I'd be broke
drivin' in my truck on my way to work
tryin' to make a buck
and taking it all without a quirk
(You did misspell 'lighting' though)
Very good start on FS. So, welcome aboard! The standard rating is a five star. If you really like something give it a six star but be thrifty as you only get six a week. If it needs a lot of work give it a four. Only a few wankers give lower than four stars. I never have.
Also don't take criticism badly. It's only meant to help you improve and fix your work up before competitions. We are all a team on here with only a couple of wankers in the mix. Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Wow, this is a great first entry. Very well done.
I especially liked this part as it was neatly worded:
Lighitng my cigarette for another toke, I think again
if love was money, I'd be broke
drivin' in my truck on my way to work
tryin' to make a buck
and taking it all without a quirk
(You did misspell 'lighting' though)
Very good start on FS. So, welcome aboard! The standard rating is a five star. If you really like something give it a six star but be thrifty as you only get six a week. If it needs a lot of work give it a four. Only a few wankers give lower than four stars. I never have.
Also don't take criticism badly. It's only meant to help you improve and fix your work up before competitions. We are all a team on here with only a couple of wankers in the mix. Good luck!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you for the kind response.
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Thank you!
Comment from TDLRasmar
That was a cute poem. I'm not sure if it was a rhyming poem or not. There were parts that seemed to rhyme, but then I don't think I saw a rhyming pattern.
As or your message, it is the message of a broken heart. It goes along with, if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all.
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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That was a cute poem. I'm not sure if it was a rhyming poem or not. There were parts that seemed to rhyme, but then I don't think I saw a rhyming pattern.
As or your message, it is the message of a broken heart. It goes along with, if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you for the response.
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No it wasn't. Thank you!
Comment from royowen
I love that phrase "if love was Money I'd be broke," I think we all feel that way sometimes, and it doesn't detract from the fact this was a great post and a darn good entry in this contest, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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I love that phrase "if love was Money I'd be broke," I think we all feel that way sometimes, and it doesn't detract from the fact this was a great post and a darn good entry in this contest, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you!
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My pleasure
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Well thank you for your kind words!
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Most welcome
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Thank you!
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Welcome
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A bad experience can put us off looking for love again, but you never know when the right person will come along and enhance your life, always leave your heart ajar, I enjoyed your rich descriptions here, but I would give up the smoking if I were you, ha ha ha, welcome to Fanstory, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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A bad experience can put us off looking for love again, but you never know when the right person will come along and enhance your life, always leave your heart ajar, I enjoyed your rich descriptions here, but I would give up the smoking if I were you, ha ha ha, welcome to Fanstory, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Lol! That is the beauty of writing - I don't smoke. Thank you!
Comment from patcelaw
To the writer of this work, I would like to say I was rather amused at your post, but it totally understood what you were saying. I wish you the best with your riding here on fanstory. Keep writing and we will keep reading. Patricia
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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To the writer of this work, I would like to say I was rather amused at your post, but it totally understood what you were saying. I wish you the best with your riding here on fanstory. Keep writing and we will keep reading. Patricia
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-May-2023
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Thank you!
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Thank you! Harry.