The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "The Piper, part 51"Young Adult Fantasy
12 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Debi!
I've reached the end of your book, and am honored to be a part of the journey. I loved coming across old reviews I had left as they seemed voices from the past.
Reading it straight through gave me a great sense of continuity and found it seamless and polished. I can't think of a thing I would have changed. It was exciting and engaging!
Now back to your book on horses, and I have Barbara's newly published book to read.
Thanks for the adventure,
Hugs,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2023
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Hi Debi!
I've reached the end of your book, and am honored to be a part of the journey. I loved coming across old reviews I had left as they seemed voices from the past.
Reading it straight through gave me a great sense of continuity and found it seamless and polished. I can't think of a thing I would have changed. It was exciting and engaging!
Now back to your book on horses, and I have Barbara's newly published book to read.
Thanks for the adventure,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2023
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Hi Rhonda,
I am so flattered that you went back and read the entire thing. It is so good to hear that you felt it had a great sense of continuity. That is one thing I have wondered about and I mean to go back and read it straight through myself.
Thank you so much!!!
Debi
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You really did a great job of connecting your chapters and keeping your plot moving. Your characters were so well developed that I felt I knew them. It was fun!
Comment from Faith Williams
An interesting punishment, being turned into stone, and by trolls no less. (It's a reverse on the trolls in The Hobbit.)
Suggestions to consider:
'Trolls are especially good at stone bridges (so that is highly likely.)' The second part of this sentence confused me a little. Maybe add a word after 'that' such as outcome or possibility?
'Crescendo looked (over) at Piper as he addressed Braun.' I don't think you need 'over' here as it's implied.
Piper's future was turned upside down in the span of a few minutes. I wonder what he will decide. Another well-written and engaging chapter, Debi. I look forward to the next one.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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An interesting punishment, being turned into stone, and by trolls no less. (It's a reverse on the trolls in The Hobbit.)
Suggestions to consider:
'Trolls are especially good at stone bridges (so that is highly likely.)' The second part of this sentence confused me a little. Maybe add a word after 'that' such as outcome or possibility?
'Crescendo looked (over) at Piper as he addressed Braun.' I don't think you need 'over' here as it's implied.
Piper's future was turned upside down in the span of a few minutes. I wonder what he will decide. Another well-written and engaging chapter, Debi. I look forward to the next one.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Hi Faith Williams,
Yes, I decided to do my own take on the trolls. Some of the ancient legends have them turn to stone at the touch of sunlight, some do not. I remember in "Three Billy Goats Gruff" the troll coming out from under the bridge during the day. I think they were perhaps mistaken for stone since they lived to be two or even three thousand years and didn't have to move around much at certain times.
Thanks for the suggestions. It's those little things that make a big difference in reading.
Look for the final chapter around July 9. I don't think I'll have time to load it before leaving on vacation this weekend.
Thank you for the excellent review. I appreciate you stopping by.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
Another magical chapter in the story of Piper. It was nice to see all the character appear again.
I like the Troll justice system. Make use of everything, even the likes of Burkehart. I think he'll be a stone in a bridge, preferably facing down so he won't be visible.
It seems Piper is always faced with difficult choices, but family, well that's where the heart is (and the future book too). :)
Marvelous reunion in this fun chapter.
Best wishes.
Robert
If you do write another book, I'd suggest a strong female character, like Hermione in Harry Potter. Serein would be a great choice.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Hello Debi,
Another magical chapter in the story of Piper. It was nice to see all the character appear again.
I like the Troll justice system. Make use of everything, even the likes of Burkehart. I think he'll be a stone in a bridge, preferably facing down so he won't be visible.
It seems Piper is always faced with difficult choices, but family, well that's where the heart is (and the future book too). :)
Marvelous reunion in this fun chapter.
Best wishes.
Robert
If you do write another book, I'd suggest a strong female character, like Hermione in Harry Potter. Serein would be a great choice.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Hi Robert,
Thank you for the six stars and the encouraging analysis. I love that you want Burkehart to be part of a bridge facing down. I appreciate your continued support. Another book? Maybe. Piper hasn't made it to Hamelin yet. There will be a break for awhile. Great idea about a strong female character. Before starting this book, I wrote a shrot story about a female elf teaching Piper how to make enchanted fetch. I may have to relook at that. Who knows?
One more chapter. I divided it because it was nearly 3000 words so this first half became chapter 51. Look for the last chapter around July 9 as I will likely be out of town for the holiday this weekend.
Have a great week.
Debi
Comment from Pam (respa)
Another excellent chapter, Debi. I was surprised to see it. Interesting conversations in this one, as well as updates about Burkehart. It seems that Burkehart has some kind of unpleasant punishment planned because of the troll traditions. I wonder if it will hold true that you don't return from troll justice. I wonder what Piper's feelings about it will be, but Burkehart did want to kill him, and ended up injuring his father and Sheba.
MC's comments about Rupert and Piper were very interesting since he figured Piper would stay with his family in the faerie realm. It gets a little more difficult later on because Rupert has been his best friend, but Piper has never really had a sense of family like he does now. It has to be hard being pulled in two directions. Even the flute throws in a "long imploring coo." The choice he makes will be very interesting. I wouldn't want to have to decide if I were writing it.
Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Another excellent chapter, Debi. I was surprised to see it. Interesting conversations in this one, as well as updates about Burkehart. It seems that Burkehart has some kind of unpleasant punishment planned because of the troll traditions. I wonder if it will hold true that you don't return from troll justice. I wonder what Piper's feelings about it will be, but Burkehart did want to kill him, and ended up injuring his father and Sheba.
MC's comments about Rupert and Piper were very interesting since he figured Piper would stay with his family in the faerie realm. It gets a little more difficult later on because Rupert has been his best friend, but Piper has never really had a sense of family like he does now. It has to be hard being pulled in two directions. Even the flute throws in a "long imploring coo." The choice he makes will be very interesting. I wouldn't want to have to decide if I were writing it.
Well done.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Hi Pam,
Now that I consider it, I can see why you were surprised to see it. I've been posting every other week and I'd posted that fairy poem over the weekend. I just saw fairy day and felt compelled to do something for it.
I have no plans for Burkehart, but I didn't even know he was the villain in the first chapter. I don't think we will see him again, but the characters determine the story.
One more chapter. Silly me posting that fairy poem because now I have to take a week to do reviews to build up my bank. Look for the final chapter around July 9th. It's written, just needs to get loaded and I may be going out of town with family for the 4th.
Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate it more than you can know.
Debi
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You are very welcome, Debi. Thanks for sharing everything. You have posted a lot. I am excited about the last chapter, although I will miss reading it. Is it a stand alone story? It has been our pleasure to support your stories.
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you have both enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it.
Yes, it is a stand alone story.
It may turn into a series, but if it does I would hope to do as I have seen some writers do and make each book stand alone while also being part of the whole. As I hinted to Robert, Piper hasn't made it to Hamelin yet so he could return.
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You are very welcome, Debi, and thanks for sharing about the story.
Comment from Spitfire
Sounds as if Piper may find love and his flute echoes the sentiment. Also sounds as if Captain Burkhardt will be out of the action for a while and that's good news.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Sounds as if Piper may find love and his flute echoes the sentiment. Also sounds as if Captain Burkhardt will be out of the action for a while and that's good news.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Hi Shari,
Thank you for the analysis, the kind comments and the six stars.
One chapter left. Thank you for the continued support.
Debi
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for the sharing this story with us. I find Piper a very interesting and likeable character. I do enjoy reading this story and can't wait to read more.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the sharing this story with us. I find Piper a very interesting and likeable character. I do enjoy reading this story and can't wait to read more.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Hi Barbara,
Thank you for the great review. Just one more chapter to go.
Debi
Comment from lyenochka
Ah! I like how you juxtaposed Burkehart's denial of his Troll heritage as the back history with Piper's future choice whether to return to the castle or fully embrace his fae heritage and family. Great sense of denouement here
When you edit your next draft, consider removing as many filter words like "looked" as in
"Piper looked a bit sheepish" and make it more direct. Did he blush? Grin? That's a hint that Robyn shared a few years ago.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Ah! I like how you juxtaposed Burkehart's denial of his Troll heritage as the back history with Piper's future choice whether to return to the castle or fully embrace his fae heritage and family. Great sense of denouement here
When you edit your next draft, consider removing as many filter words like "looked" as in
"Piper looked a bit sheepish" and make it more direct. Did he blush? Grin? That's a hint that Robyn shared a few years ago.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for the great analysis. Yes, time to tie up those loose ends.
Thank you for the hint. I am sure I knew that as well as don't use "a bit" or "somewhat". The characters are or they aren't. But I need reminding often. I'll certainly review the whole novel for those things. I appreciate you looking out for me.
Thank you for the six stars to brighten my day!
Debi
Comment from royowen
Your story is expanding to envelope more than the enchanted Piper finds himself, I've always liked stories with the mysterious unseen realms, I love the inexplicable, the spiritual realm is a fascinating place to exist in, but to be there is sometimes difficult, beautifully written Debi, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Your story is expanding to envelope more than the enchanted Piper finds himself, I've always liked stories with the mysterious unseen realms, I love the inexplicable, the spiritual realm is a fascinating place to exist in, but to be there is sometimes difficult, beautifully written Debi, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Hi Roy,
Thank you so much for this encouraging review. I am happy you enjoy this fantasy world. I appreciate your support.
Debi
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Most welcome
Comment from lancellot
This is well written chapter. You did a great job with the editing. I didn't see anything needing to be looked at again. Also, nice way to inform the readers about Burkehart. Being turned to stone and placed in a wall, is a bad way to go.
Great writing.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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This is well written chapter. You did a great job with the editing. I didn't see anything needing to be looked at again. Also, nice way to inform the readers about Burkehart. Being turned to stone and placed in a wall, is a bad way to go.
Great writing.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Hi lancellott,
Thank you for the analysis of this chapter. I appreciate the comment about Burkehart.
Thank you also for the six stars to brighten my day.
Debi
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Your story continues with this little group of characters making their way to Castle Welf. But Piper is unsure of what will happen next to him. He is seen to have made errors along the way despite his best intentions and Sheba is still recovering, of some concern to the group. I noted a couple of small edits: Piper suppressed a (laugh not laughed) and in para starting "Probably because - They're also ('are' is redundant) upset. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Your story continues with this little group of characters making their way to Castle Welf. But Piper is unsure of what will happen next to him. He is seen to have made errors along the way despite his best intentions and Sheba is still recovering, of some concern to the group. I noted a couple of small edits: Piper suppressed a (laugh not laughed) and in para starting "Probably because - They're also ('are' is redundant) upset. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023
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Hi Debbie,
I appreciate your analysis. Thank you so much for pointing out the SPAG. I have corrected those nits.
Have a great day.
Debi