Red Skeletons
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Kiss Goodnight"Haunting Poetry for the Darkness in us all
5 total reviews
Comment from LizzieS1
Raw and real. A sharp exit from Life. You have two syllables on the last line instead of one. Your poem has pace and carries you along. It conveys a hunger and desire, for something other than flesh. Unfulfilled dreams perhaps. I like it.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Raw and real. A sharp exit from Life. You have two syllables on the last line instead of one. Your poem has pace and carries you along. It conveys a hunger and desire, for something other than flesh. Unfulfilled dreams perhaps. I like it.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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I noticed my error in the last line and have made a change. The last word is now "Damned." I think it gives an even darker feel to the piece.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness this is a chilling nonet of screams and the horror of murder. I would suggest you make your font slightly smaller so that your words fit the screen without overlapping, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Oh my goodness this is a chilling nonet of screams and the horror of murder. I would suggest you make your font slightly smaller so that your words fit the screen without overlapping, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Thank you
Comment from Paul Manton
Hello Mia, First time I reviewed you - and you got five stars BUT you have a major problem here that needs an instant fix (and I instantly see where the confusion is): your final line in a nonet is not a single word, but a single syllable - so 'behind' is unacceptable. The obvious "Dead" is probably too bleak, but I'm sure that, looking at your bio., you will find something that works.
I haven't reviewed much horror on this site, but this is assured writing in your favorite genre - the vampiric allusions are stark but well aimed at the terrified audience
I will be interested to see what you do with line nine.
And I look forward to reading you again.
Paul
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Hello Mia, First time I reviewed you - and you got five stars BUT you have a major problem here that needs an instant fix (and I instantly see where the confusion is): your final line in a nonet is not a single word, but a single syllable - so 'behind' is unacceptable. The obvious "Dead" is probably too bleak, but I'm sure that, looking at your bio., you will find something that works.
I haven't reviewed much horror on this site, but this is assured writing in your favorite genre - the vampiric allusions are stark but well aimed at the terrified audience
I will be interested to see what you do with line nine.
And I look forward to reading you again.
Paul
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Oh, I was so in love with the way it sounded that I didn't even think. Thank you so much for pointing that out. I spent some time going through words and I decided on "Damned." I think it fits. Let me know what you think and I hope you like my work you read more.
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Brilliant, Mia. I can think of nothing worse!
Great to be gruesome!
Paul
Comment from JSD
Oh dear. This does not sound like a productive relationship and I am concerned for the welfare of both of you! Great writing though. (Should it be 'goodbye'?) Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Oh dear. This does not sound like a productive relationship and I am concerned for the welfare of both of you! Great writing though. (Should it be 'goodbye'?) Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Thank you for pointing out the error. Sometimes the mind fills it in when you know what it is supposed to be. That is why it is so important for others to read.
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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My Complete Synopsis "
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this Mia and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
My Complete Synopsis "
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this Mia and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Thank you