Abducted
A woman is kidnapped and abused10 total reviews
Comment from joann r romei
This gave me the chills, only because situations like this happen all the time, there is a show called I survived. people tell their near death experiences, many kidnappings, so scary.
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This gave me the chills, only because situations like this happen all the time, there is a show called I survived. people tell their near death experiences, many kidnappings, so scary.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2024
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Nice twist in your story half-way through after the build-up of the anticipated attack. A dark and tense story vividly expressed and well structured with its upbeat ending contrasting with the sense of foreboding in the beginning. Well done and good luck! Debbie
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Nice twist in your story half-way through after the build-up of the anticipated attack. A dark and tense story vividly expressed and well structured with its upbeat ending contrasting with the sense of foreboding in the beginning. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
Comment from jessizero
This was a good story, but it was a little confusing that you went from first person point of view to third person point of view. Anyway, thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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This was a good story, but it was a little confusing that you went from first person point of view to third person point of view. Anyway, thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
Comment from Wendy G
A very realistic portrayal of her fear when she was bound and gagged, and of her relief at being freed. There seems to be an untold backstory, and perhaps a future chapter as well to fill in the gaps before and after your well=written snapshot in time of a horrible captivity. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
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A very realistic portrayal of her fear when she was bound and gagged, and of her relief at being freed. There seems to be an untold backstory, and perhaps a future chapter as well to fill in the gaps before and after your well=written snapshot in time of a horrible captivity. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a gripping and imaginative flash fiction story using the prompt provided for the contest. The story includes both mystery as it develops, and suspense as it progresses. You effectively give a first person account by the abducted woman, and conclude with a third person account of the rescue. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
yet I was aware that I completely vulnerable (insert the word I "was")
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This is a gripping and imaginative flash fiction story using the prompt provided for the contest. The story includes both mystery as it develops, and suspense as it progresses. You effectively give a first person account by the abducted woman, and conclude with a third person account of the rescue. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
yet I was aware that I completely vulnerable (insert the word I "was")
Comment Written 12-Jul-2024
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This piece is a strongly written picture of a critical moment in which a number of questions in the reader's mind are answered rapidly. The only problem I had with it was the sudden jolt when it changed from first person to third person when Agent Stern takes off his jacket and wraps it around "the victim" instead of "around me." It stays in third person after that and I wondered why.
Well done!
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This piece is a strongly written picture of a critical moment in which a number of questions in the reader's mind are answered rapidly. The only problem I had with it was the sudden jolt when it changed from first person to third person when Agent Stern takes off his jacket and wraps it around "the victim" instead of "around me." It stays in third person after that and I wondered why.
Well done!
Comment Written 12-Jul-2024
Comment from Earl Corp
It's cool you were able to have a happy ending to your story. One thing I would recommend is putting a word count in your author's notes. Though I don't think you have to be concerned concerned about it. Good luck in the contest.
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It's cool you were able to have a happy ending to your story. One thing I would recommend is putting a word count in your author's notes. Though I don't think you have to be concerned concerned about it. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Good luck with the challenge. How did you choose the subject? A dream, a reverie? A motion picture? It is somewhat dark and a horror movie scene in the making.
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Good luck with the challenge. How did you choose the subject? A dream, a reverie? A motion picture? It is somewhat dark and a horror movie scene in the making.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
Comment from F. William Lester
A good piece of flash fiction. For only a thousand words, the plot came together nicely. A couple of comments: this sentence, "...yet I was aware that I completely vulnerable...", you're missing "was" after "I". You wrote, "The dog's handler, FBI Agent Sharon McClosky, at once called off her dog, and shouted to her team...", then in the next paragraph you wrote, "Agent Stern took off his jacket and wrapped it around the victim..." Who is agent Stern? McClosky was the only character you named in the room with the victim. One last thing, word choice is critical in flash fiction. You could add more tension and tighten up your wording if you used a more active voice. Just something to think about. Thanks for sharing your work. Good luck and stay well.
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A good piece of flash fiction. For only a thousand words, the plot came together nicely. A couple of comments: this sentence, "...yet I was aware that I completely vulnerable...", you're missing "was" after "I". You wrote, "The dog's handler, FBI Agent Sharon McClosky, at once called off her dog, and shouted to her team...", then in the next paragraph you wrote, "Agent Stern took off his jacket and wrapped it around the victim..." Who is agent Stern? McClosky was the only character you named in the room with the victim. One last thing, word choice is critical in flash fiction. You could add more tension and tighten up your wording if you used a more active voice. Just something to think about. Thanks for sharing your work. Good luck and stay well.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
Comment from Pamusart
Hi
I just wrote about this topic last week. About kids getting kidnapped and thrown into human trafficking rings and into slavery.
You do a very good job, conveying the emotional torture that she went through. I am impressed with this because not every writer can write with such emotion and convey that emotion to the reader
Michael, the husband sounds like a wonderful angel. My husband is dead, but I sure would like to have a man like that around.
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Here I 'was' completely vulnerable
" throwing up, yet I was aware that I completely vulnerable, unable"
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
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Hi
I just wrote about this topic last week. About kids getting kidnapped and thrown into human trafficking rings and into slavery.
You do a very good job, conveying the emotional torture that she went through. I am impressed with this because not every writer can write with such emotion and convey that emotion to the reader
Michael, the husband sounds like a wonderful angel. My husband is dead, but I sure would like to have a man like that around.
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Here I 'was' completely vulnerable
" throwing up, yet I was aware that I completely vulnerable, unable"
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024