Kristen and Patrick Discuss
Meeting Again2 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
I love your choice for the Heavenly Chat between two people who met after Patrick passed. Honestly, I thought there might be more emotion. The conversation was short and simply an "I love you" until we meet again. (not even a mention of where they are). But that's just my opinion and its not worth a grain of salt...It's how you envisioned the chat and that's all that matters. Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
  |
I love your choice for the Heavenly Chat between two people who met after Patrick passed. Honestly, I thought there might be more emotion. The conversation was short and simply an "I love you" until we meet again. (not even a mention of where they are). But that's just my opinion and its not worth a grain of salt...It's how you envisioned the chat and that's all that matters. Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
-
Thank you!
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello! (Since I cannot see who wrote this, I am going to pretend you are Kristen, since my name is Patrick!)
I LOVE the concept of this! It reminds me of an old episode of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, but in that, the medium fell in love with the father of the soldier that they were summoning. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I have some recommendation, if you will allow me. First, I'm not crazy about the font. It makes it hard to read. Also, it could stand a little more fleshing out. I'm not sure if there is a maximum for the contest, but you could work in a little more story, especially about the "encounter in high school." I am a bit confused about that. How old is Kristen, and is Patrick a high school student? Anyway, if you don't have any maximum restrictions, you really could give us a bit more of this conversation, because it's a fascinating premise.
I really love the title. It grabbed my interest right away. Kristen's first statement is also very compelling--it gives the reader a lot of information about the context.
Overall, this is a great concept that could use with a little more fleshing out. If you will excuse my pun, the story needs a little more substantiation; you haven't quite finishing summoning it yet. Please, keep writing and improving your work!
Patrick
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
 |
Hello! (Since I cannot see who wrote this, I am going to pretend you are Kristen, since my name is Patrick!)
I LOVE the concept of this! It reminds me of an old episode of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, but in that, the medium fell in love with the father of the soldier that they were summoning. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I have some recommendation, if you will allow me. First, I'm not crazy about the font. It makes it hard to read. Also, it could stand a little more fleshing out. I'm not sure if there is a maximum for the contest, but you could work in a little more story, especially about the "encounter in high school." I am a bit confused about that. How old is Kristen, and is Patrick a high school student? Anyway, if you don't have any maximum restrictions, you really could give us a bit more of this conversation, because it's a fascinating premise.
I really love the title. It grabbed my interest right away. Kristen's first statement is also very compelling--it gives the reader a lot of information about the context.
Overall, this is a great concept that could use with a little more fleshing out. If you will excuse my pun, the story needs a little more substantiation; you haven't quite finishing summoning it yet. Please, keep writing and improving your work!
Patrick
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
-
Thank you for your kind feedback! I appreciate it!
