In Memory of Nomi's Wife, Yvonne
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "A Thousand Years"Posts to let Nomi know we are here for him
23 total reviews
Comment from Brenda Strauser
What a beautiful tribute to Nomi. The rhymes are done well. The poem is descriptive and well written. Great job. I like how you used forever at the end.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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What a beautiful tribute to Nomi. The rhymes are done well. The poem is descriptive and well written. Great job. I like how you used forever at the end.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Brenda, for taking the time to read and review, then leave me with a thought on your favorite part.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hi Rhonda!
I am happy to have gotten the opportunity to introduce myself to you and your poetry today! Your poem is dominated by your choice of repetitions within the verses as well as your rhyme scheme. These are very well done! I do hesitate to inquire about your rhythm, though. Your stanzas have an inconsistent number of syllables. Now, this doesn't have to make any difference until you combine it with a rhyme scheme. Then it skews the rhythm of the poem throughout just a bit, and it becomes noticeable because the reader is not getting to the end-rhyme word in the same number of beats.
1st Stanza: 8-8-8-8
2nd Stanza: 8-8-8-9
3rd Stanza: 9-9-9-9
4th Stanza: 8-8
5th Stanza: 7
Please don't take this as a criticism of you poem! I am only pointing this out if it can help you on your poet's journey.
I think the first stanza is perfect. The repetition of "a thousand" throughout is great as is the transition from happy things to that loss that forces "a thousand tears!" It is also in perfect iambic tetrameter. Well done!
Patrick
reply by Debi Pick Marquette on 13-Sep-2024
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Hi Rhonda!
I am happy to have gotten the opportunity to introduce myself to you and your poetry today! Your poem is dominated by your choice of repetitions within the verses as well as your rhyme scheme. These are very well done! I do hesitate to inquire about your rhythm, though. Your stanzas have an inconsistent number of syllables. Now, this doesn't have to make any difference until you combine it with a rhyme scheme. Then it skews the rhythm of the poem throughout just a bit, and it becomes noticeable because the reader is not getting to the end-rhyme word in the same number of beats.
1st Stanza: 8-8-8-8
2nd Stanza: 8-8-8-9
3rd Stanza: 9-9-9-9
4th Stanza: 8-8
5th Stanza: 7
Please don't take this as a criticism of you poem! I am only pointing this out if it can help you on your poet's journey.
I think the first stanza is perfect. The repetition of "a thousand" throughout is great as is the transition from happy things to that loss that forces "a thousand tears!" It is also in perfect iambic tetrameter. Well done!
Patrick
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
reply by Debi Pick Marquette on 13-Sep-2024
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Hi Debi! I am confused by this reply? There is no comment only my review. Am I missing something?🤔
Comment from Sugarray77
Hello Rhonda. I hope you are enjoying a lovely day! Your wonderful tribute to Norman on the loss of his wife is endearing and comforting. Well done on the formation and the unique use of similar line beginnings. Very effective.
Melissa
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Hello Rhonda. I hope you are enjoying a lovely day! Your wonderful tribute to Norman on the loss of his wife is endearing and comforting. Well done on the formation and the unique use of similar line beginnings. Very effective.
Melissa
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Melissa,
Thank you so much for the feedback on my poem to nomi. I was trying to express the idea of time being a bit relative, and, apparently, the idea came across well.
Thank you!!
Rhonda
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fine poem for the book of condolences for Naomi and I enjoyed your gentle words. It is difficult to write such words for someone we have not met and you managed to make this personal, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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A fine poem for the book of condolences for Naomi and I enjoyed your gentle words. It is difficult to write such words for someone we have not met and you managed to make this personal, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Hi Dolly,
Thank you so much for your review and comments, my friend. Yes, it is difficult to write for someone you only know from this site, but I think grief is universal, thus giving us some insight we might otherwise not have.
Take care, and thanksm
Rhonda
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You are so right Rhonda, we all feel grief at sometime in our lives, you did a great job, love Dolly x
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Thank you!!
Comment from nancyjam
Oh, this is beautiful and I'm sure will bring comfort to Nomi. Loss is so tragic but with faith, knowing he will see her again, is surely to bring comfort in time.
Nancy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Oh, this is beautiful and I'm sure will bring comfort to Nomi. Loss is so tragic but with faith, knowing he will see her again, is surely to bring comfort in time.
Nancy
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Hi Nancy, and thank you for the lovely review, my friend!! I do so hope it brings him comfort during these difficult days for him.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Nicki.B
What a beautiful poem. This is definitely one of my favourites of thr many lovely poems that have been written
In support of your friend Nomi and his devasting loss. I loved your repetitive use of a I'm a thousand years and in a second and forever within the stanzas. Well done I'm sure Nomi will find some comfort on your words.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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What a beautiful poem. This is definitely one of my favourites of thr many lovely poems that have been written
In support of your friend Nomi and his devasting loss. I loved your repetitive use of a I'm a thousand years and in a second and forever within the stanzas. Well done I'm sure Nomi will find some comfort on your words.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Hi Nicki, and thank you for your kind words about the poem. I don't write poetry often, sticking primarily to novels, but I do read a lot of it from all of you poets. Your comments about the this one really are encouraging.
I know all our work on nomi's behalf are helping as much as they can in these difficult times for him.
Thank you again, for the beautiful 6 stars and encouraging words,
Hugs,
Rhonda
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You're very welcome Rhona. Take care x
Comment from Harry Craft
Wow! Very powerful Rhonda! I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme and the message that we must all deal with in one way or another during our life. The photo was beautiful too. Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Wow! Very powerful Rhonda! I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme and the message that we must all deal with in one way or another during our life. The photo was beautiful too. Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Hi Harry,
Thank you for the review and comments on the poem, my friend. I appreciate your time and effort,
Rhonda
Comment from Katiemae1977
I really like this especially the first stanza. How tough it must be to lose someone after 51 years.
Thanks for writing this and adding to the book for Nomi. It's hard not to feel a sense of family here at FS.
Well done!
Luv&stuff
Katiemae1977
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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I really like this especially the first stanza. How tough it must be to lose someone after 51 years.
Thanks for writing this and adding to the book for Nomi. It's hard not to feel a sense of family here at FS.
Well done!
Luv&stuff
Katiemae1977
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Katiemae. I agree on the sense of loss he must feel right now, and I do believe our gathering around him at this time has been very helpful.
It's nice to meet you,
Rhonda
Comment from jake cosmos aller
a good elegy poem about the loss of a friend's wife of over 51 years. Good use of anaphora repetition of keywords throughout the poem quite effective here.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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a good elegy poem about the loss of a friend's wife of over 51 years. Good use of anaphora repetition of keywords throughout the poem quite effective here.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful review. You provided me the name of the poetic style and the repetition technique. That was very helpful.
Rhonda
Comment from Jacob1395
It has been really inspiring reading all of these poems for Nomi. I can really see how loved she is on this site and how much people care for her by reading these poems.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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It has been really inspiring reading all of these poems for Nomi. I can really see how loved she is on this site and how much people care for her by reading these poems.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Nomi's name is Nolan, and is a man. I'm glad you're seeing how people on this site support each other as we find something is wrong with them.
Thanks for the review,
Rhonda
