In Country
A glimpse of the closing years in the Nam27 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bill. Other than the thing I mentioned to you in PM..This is a quality story and could do well. I do have a few suggestions if you don't mind, though:
" To them, somewhat comical, the American's called them Buff's, Big Ugly Fat Fucker's." (This sentence is "rough" Perhaps say "To them, it was somewhat comical that the Americans called them Buffs."
"The ground shook for what seemed hours" (Here again..Reword this I think to read "what seemed like hours."
And I would group these two sentences together like so: Forty seconds later, Colonel Kim reached over and both of the men's arms. "Are you alright?" he said.
"The raid lasted forty seconds.
Colonel Kim reached over and touched both Tran and Kim's arms. "Are you alright?"
Just a bit of polishes, Bill...Nicely done otherwise. Bob
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Hi, Bill. Other than the thing I mentioned to you in PM..This is a quality story and could do well. I do have a few suggestions if you don't mind, though:
" To them, somewhat comical, the American's called them Buff's, Big Ugly Fat Fucker's." (This sentence is "rough" Perhaps say "To them, it was somewhat comical that the Americans called them Buffs."
"The ground shook for what seemed hours" (Here again..Reword this I think to read "what seemed like hours."
And I would group these two sentences together like so: Forty seconds later, Colonel Kim reached over and both of the men's arms. "Are you alright?" he said.
"The raid lasted forty seconds.
Colonel Kim reached over and touched both Tran and Kim's arms. "Are you alright?"
Just a bit of polishes, Bill...Nicely done otherwise. Bob
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Hi Bob - excellent input as always! I will steal your input shamelessly and make those improvements. Regards, Bill
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LOL..Good...Now help me out by suggesting cuts that won't hurt...LOL...Bob
Comment from taravan
This is very well written and the dialog shows clearly the internal conflict of the speakers. I am glad that you included the author notes because it helped clarify especially the last two paragraphs for me. Well done
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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This is very well written and the dialog shows clearly the internal conflict of the speakers. I am glad that you included the author notes because it helped clarify especially the last two paragraphs for me. Well done
Comment Written 10-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Thank you for reading and for the kind comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
bhogg:
Captain Lerner was a very bright man. One should never
expend more energy trying to save anyone than they are
willing to use saving themselves. I'm thinking Captain
Lerner needs to be serving on Armed Forces Advisory Staff
for President Obama (or any other sitting president) to
make that point again and again
thanks for sharing
good luck in the contest
love,
jan
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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bhogg:
Captain Lerner was a very bright man. One should never
expend more energy trying to save anyone than they are
willing to use saving themselves. I'm thinking Captain
Lerner needs to be serving on Armed Forces Advisory Staff
for President Obama (or any other sitting president) to
make that point again and again
thanks for sharing
good luck in the contest
love,
jan
Comment Written 09-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Hi Jan - thanks for reading and for your insightful comments. Somebody with a brain needs to be advising our President. Regards, Bill
Comment from JW
Your story is well written. It does a great job in describing a scene from a war this country never should have been in, and ended up being one we eventually lost.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Your story is well written. It does a great job in describing a scene from a war this country never should have been in, and ended up being one we eventually lost.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thanks Jonathon - both for reading and your kind comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Well, didn't that story sound like dozens I've heard from the time period. Had two Son Tay raiders on my husband's A-team in '74. :D The late '60s/early '70s were a frustrating time for our side, no question. Every once in a while you had to wonder what you were there for if the indigenous population didn't care. The Captain made sense, thus the comment about him making a good sergeant.
In SF Captain Lerner would have been called (and I never did learn how to spell it although it was my husband's "rank" as well) Di-we. That changed to "Watash" when their area of responsibility changed to N. Aftica and the Middle East. Different language; same word.
Enjoyed both the story and the vocabulary--completely "normal" to me. :D Nancy
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Well, didn't that story sound like dozens I've heard from the time period. Had two Son Tay raiders on my husband's A-team in '74. :D The late '60s/early '70s were a frustrating time for our side, no question. Every once in a while you had to wonder what you were there for if the indigenous population didn't care. The Captain made sense, thus the comment about him making a good sergeant.
In SF Captain Lerner would have been called (and I never did learn how to spell it although it was my husband's "rank" as well) Di-we. That changed to "Watash" when their area of responsibility changed to N. Aftica and the Middle East. Different language; same word.
Enjoyed both the story and the vocabulary--completely "normal" to me. :D Nancy
Comment Written 08-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Hi Nancy - both for reading and your comments. Both are appreciated. Bill
Comment from Dale95
Good story. The detail and dialogue is vibrant and well done and does point out the major complications of fighting somebody's else's war for them. But, here we are doing it again. If there were only a way to eliminate the profit end of war we could then focus on peace.
Good luck with this in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Good story. The detail and dialogue is vibrant and well done and does point out the major complications of fighting somebody's else's war for them. But, here we are doing it again. If there were only a way to eliminate the profit end of war we could then focus on peace.
Good luck with this in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Hi Dale - as I wrote this, I have to admit I was thinking about what we are doing again! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Bill
Comment from The Stranger
this is a gutsy look at the events and the many problems that the US military faced on a daily basis during their ill fated invasion of Vietnam
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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this is a gutsy look at the events and the many problems that the US military faced on a daily basis during their ill fated invasion of Vietnam
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you for reading and your feedback. Both appreciated! Bill
Comment from Shirley B
Dear Bill, Best of luck to you in the contest. I felt I was pretty close to Nam. I can't say right there, because I think that would be a put down to the brave men and women who were there. Your imagery was wonderful. The terms you made it even more real. I think you are going to win this one. Great job, Shirley
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Dear Bill, Best of luck to you in the contest. I felt I was pretty close to Nam. I can't say right there, because I think that would be a put down to the brave men and women who were there. Your imagery was wonderful. The terms you made it even more real. I think you are going to win this one. Great job, Shirley
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thanks for your kind words and wishes! Always warm regards, Bill
Comment from patmedium
I like the typical army humoyr of that last comment, Bill. Reminds me of many tales Jim used to tell of his times in Burma. Pat.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I like the typical army humoyr of that last comment, Bill. Reminds me of many tales Jim used to tell of his times in Burma. Pat.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Hi Pat - I'm glad that you read. You ought to write some of those Burma stories. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Bill,
You've written an interesting story about men fighting another pointless war. You mentioned that someone suggested you branch out. It's always difficult to venture outside our comfort zones, so I admire you for doing so. best of luck in the contest. g
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Bill,
You've written an interesting story about men fighting another pointless war. You mentioned that someone suggested you branch out. It's always difficult to venture outside our comfort zones, so I admire you for doing so. best of luck in the contest. g
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thanks Gary - I appreciate your kind feedback. I'm a Vietnam era vet, but thankfully never made it. I made it as far as the Oakland Army Terminal heading that way. The day I got there was the day Nixon said no more draftee's to Vietnam. God smiled upon me!
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Yes. You're very lucky. g
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Gary - what are you doing already up? Pretty early in CA.
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Although I'm retired, I get up on five a.m. every morning. It gives me a couple of hours to write before I begin babysitting the three grandkids at 7 a.m. By the time they leave at 5 p.m., my energy level is pretty much shot. Gave up a well-paying career to become a free daycare provider, and I still don't get a birthday card. lol g