The English Assignment
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A nightmare come true."The author tells a tale how he tried to better him
13 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
I'd say Adam buried himself and faced the consequences. If he was able to get out of the holes before, I'm wondering why he didn't this time. You only have bits and pieces and as you said it may have been a mixture of reality and imagination.
It certainly makes for a chilling story and you told it well.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2013
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I'd say Adam buried himself and faced the consequences. If he was able to get out of the holes before, I'm wondering why he didn't this time. You only have bits and pieces and as you said it may have been a mixture of reality and imagination.
It certainly makes for a chilling story and you told it well.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2013
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Thank you
Comment from LilHippie
I don't know what to say. It is heartbreaking. You were a little boy yourself. You did not kill anyone. You were a little boy. My heart goes out to you for the fact you carry this. I am so very sorry for that! Very sorry! I am also sorry, of course, for your friend and his family. Just little kids playing, too little to realize how dangerous it was. So tragic, and no one's fault. This is so well written, and again, I so admire your complete honesty. That takes an awful lot of courage, and I am sure, years of soul searching and reliving it, and questioning it. I pray to God you have dealt with it and that now that you are an adult with children of your own, you know in your heart, that you were just a little boy. The poem you wrote which is at the end here, is unbelievable, so much pain, I am so sorry. Going on to The second assignment Part A now. Your writing is very good, I mean your actual writing ability, which I feel badly about commenting on, as if I am rating your life, since you have written so honestly about it, but of course you want to know how others feel about your actual writing ability, and it is very very good.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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I don't know what to say. It is heartbreaking. You were a little boy yourself. You did not kill anyone. You were a little boy. My heart goes out to you for the fact you carry this. I am so very sorry for that! Very sorry! I am also sorry, of course, for your friend and his family. Just little kids playing, too little to realize how dangerous it was. So tragic, and no one's fault. This is so well written, and again, I so admire your complete honesty. That takes an awful lot of courage, and I am sure, years of soul searching and reliving it, and questioning it. I pray to God you have dealt with it and that now that you are an adult with children of your own, you know in your heart, that you were just a little boy. The poem you wrote which is at the end here, is unbelievable, so much pain, I am so sorry. Going on to The second assignment Part A now. Your writing is very good, I mean your actual writing ability, which I feel badly about commenting on, as if I am rating your life, since you have written so honestly about it, but of course you want to know how others feel about your actual writing ability, and it is very very good.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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thank you im glad you like it and are taking an intrest its what i was hoping would happen.
Comment from lindyt
really scary. It's hard to judge this as a story because it's told as a memoir which you seem to claim is true. If it is true, it's amazing that you can write about it. I guess my only advise would be to clarify if it is real or a delusion. Have you read H.P. Lovecraft?
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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really scary. It's hard to judge this as a story because it's told as a memoir which you seem to claim is true. If it is true, it's amazing that you can write about it. I guess my only advise would be to clarify if it is real or a delusion. Have you read H.P. Lovecraft?
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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why the four stars?
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well four does mean good. I was just too overwhelmed with a sad sick feeling to rate more. I guess if the first chapter had given more clues as to what was coming I wouldn't have felt so stunned and confused.
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you are only supposed to give fours if there is something wrong with spelling Grammer or punctuation. Not because you didn't like the feeling it gave you.
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sorry. I'm not the kind of person to pick out grammer mistakes even though there were some. that seems petty. I guess you really care about the stars. I'll change it to five if I can. It's a good story but it's just hard to tell how to rate it, because it claims to be non-fiction and I have trouble believing that.
Comment from writerwish
This is one of the most heart wrenching stories I have ever read. You capture your emotions well although you were so young. It is hard to know sometimes just how accurate our memories are. We can only know how we feel and what we perceived. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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This is one of the most heart wrenching stories I have ever read. You capture your emotions well although you were so young. It is hard to know sometimes just how accurate our memories are. We can only know how we feel and what we perceived. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Thank you for reading.
Comment from Permelia
My chest hurts so bad from reading this nightmare, I don't think I will be able to read any more of this story. I hope this is all just a vivid imagination on your part.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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My chest hurts so bad from reading this nightmare, I don't think I will be able to read any more of this story. I hope this is all just a vivid imagination on your part.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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sorry to hurt you. imagine living it.
Comment from peggles
I particularly liked the rapport between the two boys You have conveyed their friendship and loyalty well
That is so sad. It brought a lump to my throat It's what every parent dreads and can't allow themselves to think about I thought it was a well crafted story with just the right pace The characters were believable
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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I particularly liked the rapport between the two boys You have conveyed their friendship and loyalty well
That is so sad. It brought a lump to my throat It's what every parent dreads and can't allow themselves to think about I thought it was a well crafted story with just the right pace The characters were believable
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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thank you for the stars and the kind review
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from bowls
Wow! I was holding my breath through most of that story. It's original and it's gripping and it's really well told.In your first chapter I couldn't imagine what would make the teacher act like that, but now I know. You can be sure I'll be following the rest of this. Just a couple of typos:
Than (THEN) my Dad gave me a puzzled look.
Buried in stack's (STACKS)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Wow! I was holding my breath through most of that story. It's original and it's gripping and it's really well told.In your first chapter I couldn't imagine what would make the teacher act like that, but now I know. You can be sure I'll be following the rest of this. Just a couple of typos:
Than (THEN) my Dad gave me a puzzled look.
Buried in stack's (STACKS)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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thanks for the sixer. glad you liked the story. corrections made.
Comment from Bellringer
Keimosobie, now I know why the teacher was shocked and visibly shaken. The horror in this tale was a tragic accident; I'm sure it's had a devastating effect on you. The poem is easy to understand given the preceding story. Fascinating read. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Keimosobie, now I know why the teacher was shocked and visibly shaken. The horror in this tale was a tragic accident; I'm sure it's had a devastating effect on you. The poem is easy to understand given the preceding story. Fascinating read. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you for reading anf review hector much appriciated. TIM
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My pleasure, Keimosobie. Blessings, Hector
Comment from samandlancelot
This is so powerful. You have written your story with a truth that seems raw with your attempts to understand. Your villanelle more powerful when followed by your horrendous story. I hope you know that God forgives you if you will receive it from Him.
and I went to asked (ask) Michael,
As she opened the door and look (looked) around
As (delete 'as') I glanced up the stairs
this beautiful baby now", (now,") he said.
I talked to you that day (add comma - 2 sentences joined by conjunction) and I knew you were lying."
accepting the fact that there (their) son had not run away, but
Patricia
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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This is so powerful. You have written your story with a truth that seems raw with your attempts to understand. Your villanelle more powerful when followed by your horrendous story. I hope you know that God forgives you if you will receive it from Him.
and I went to asked (ask) Michael,
As she opened the door and look (looked) around
As (delete 'as') I glanced up the stairs
this beautiful baby now", (now,") he said.
I talked to you that day (add comma - 2 sentences joined by conjunction) and I knew you were lying."
accepting the fact that there (their) son had not run away, but
Patricia
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Thank you I appriciate the sixer. I need it cause the gur before you gave me four LOL thanks again corrections made.
Comment from Ja9Johnson
Again, this is a very compelling story, and really quite tragic. I had to read to the end to see what happened to the boy who buried himself. What a terrible thing to happen when to both the young boy who was buried, and the boy who forgot his promise to dig him up. A haunting childhood event.
There are a few minor edits I would suggest, which are detailed below:
"No not welfare, but life" needs a comma after "No".
"I was sent to a foster home stored away like the book "Flowers in the Attic."
Now fatherless and motherless, I was sent to a foster home where I was abused physically and mentally daily" Suggest not repeating I was sent to a foster home in the second sentence as we just learned this in the previous sentence.
"Well I got out of jail there" Drop "Well" and just say "I got out of there"
"eight year old girl" (hyphenate as eight-year-old girl)
Also, the word Assignment in the title is misspelled. (no "e" between the "n" and "m".
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Again, this is a very compelling story, and really quite tragic. I had to read to the end to see what happened to the boy who buried himself. What a terrible thing to happen when to both the young boy who was buried, and the boy who forgot his promise to dig him up. A haunting childhood event.
There are a few minor edits I would suggest, which are detailed below:
"No not welfare, but life" needs a comma after "No".
"I was sent to a foster home stored away like the book "Flowers in the Attic."
Now fatherless and motherless, I was sent to a foster home where I was abused physically and mentally daily" Suggest not repeating I was sent to a foster home in the second sentence as we just learned this in the previous sentence.
"Well I got out of jail there" Drop "Well" and just say "I got out of there"
"eight year old girl" (hyphenate as eight-year-old girl)
Also, the word Assignment in the title is misspelled. (no "e" between the "n" and "m".
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Thank you corrections made much appriciated.
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You are welcome!