Poems By AnnieDawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 68 "Lovers Tryst"My book of poems and stories
55 total reviews
Comment from Kingsland
Definition of the word paranoid. Two people making love in the park, when a cop walk up upon them... Paranoid...
Thought I'd share that with you, as it fits the theme of your poem so well. I enjoyed reading and writing this response for your humorous poetic antics... John
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Definition of the word paranoid. Two people making love in the park, when a cop walk up upon them... Paranoid...
Thought I'd share that with you, as it fits the theme of your poem so well. I enjoyed reading and writing this response for your humorous poetic antics... John
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for your comments and review. Could have been a cop eh?
Comment from Starlit Ink
The downside of a tryst is that you can get discovered. I like how this story enfolds, with the passion of young lovers, and how you included an unexpected ending. Well, they are young, so they will have many more chances, lol. Good luck with a fine entry.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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The downside of a tryst is that you can get discovered. I like how this story enfolds, with the passion of young lovers, and how you included an unexpected ending. Well, they are young, so they will have many more chances, lol. Good luck with a fine entry.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Thank you for reviewing my poem. I appreciate all the comments.
Comment from Lulube
Young lovers, anywhere will do. Get older and comfort is a necessity. lol Quite explicite descriptions for their passion and lust only to get a bust, of the wrong kind. lol
lulube
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Young lovers, anywhere will do. Get older and comfort is a necessity. lol Quite explicite descriptions for their passion and lust only to get a bust, of the wrong kind. lol
lulube
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your comments and for reviewing my poem.
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welcome
lulube
Comment from ravenblack
Reminds me of high school. Always sneaking off to find a place and jumping at every sound- sometimes not caring, which is usually when you do hear the flashlight tap on the window of your car ( we used to park by O'Neal " to watch the planes"). Like the sense of urgency in your piece.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Reminds me of high school. Always sneaking off to find a place and jumping at every sound- sometimes not caring, which is usually when you do hear the flashlight tap on the window of your car ( we used to park by O'Neal " to watch the planes"). Like the sense of urgency in your piece.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your comments and for reviewing my poem.
Comment from Black_Oxygen
Well Done ~ Annie
The passion from this poetry began heatedly and with
intense emotions. I was drinking-in each line until
the cold shower began. The rhymes are selected and
used nicely and it is easy to read. The attached
illustration is the perfect accent. Thank You
for your creation.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Well Done ~ Annie
The passion from this poetry began heatedly and with
intense emotions. I was drinking-in each line until
the cold shower began. The rhymes are selected and
used nicely and it is easy to read. The attached
illustration is the perfect accent. Thank You
for your creation.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for your comments and for reviewing my poem.
Comment from Cry the Vile Rebel
A beginning, middle and (interupted) end. A bit of building tension...yuo manage a lot in few words and in rhyming form yo boot.
The final line gave me pause. Substituting "planned" for "find" sounds more correct to my ear, although your meaning is clear as is.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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A beginning, middle and (interupted) end. A bit of building tension...yuo manage a lot in few words and in rhyming form yo boot.
The final line gave me pause. Substituting "planned" for "find" sounds more correct to my ear, although your meaning is clear as is.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for your comments and for reviewing my poem.
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. back when in the days when young lovers had college roommates who never went home for the weekend or out for the night. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Very nice. back when in the days when young lovers had college roommates who never went home for the weekend or out for the night. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much for your review.
Comment from brentman99
A nice poem. I may be going too deep, but the woman in the picture looks a bit more worldly than what I would expect of a maiden. Form wise, there is great flow. The only point I have is regarding punctuation. Had you used none at all, you would have been fine. But since you have some, I expect more. I.e lovers tongue vs lover's tongue. I wonder if "and a lustful stare" would have worked better than the comma. Poetic license says you have it right, but I thought I would throw my points out there and see what sticks.
Overall, a nice poem that captures the moment well. Brent
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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A nice poem. I may be going too deep, but the woman in the picture looks a bit more worldly than what I would expect of a maiden. Form wise, there is great flow. The only point I have is regarding punctuation. Had you used none at all, you would have been fine. But since you have some, I expect more. I.e lovers tongue vs lover's tongue. I wonder if "and a lustful stare" would have worked better than the comma. Poetic license says you have it right, but I thought I would throw my points out there and see what sticks.
Overall, a nice poem that captures the moment well. Brent
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review. I so appreciate all comments for that is how I learn so thanks again and I will make the corrections.
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is a very sweet and sexy poem about young lovers, and I think might be a strong entry for this contest - I have just one small quibble, and that is the second couplet. All the rest have end rhyme, and that one doesn't. I'd like to see it conform to the rest of the poem.
Still, an excellent and wonderful entry - I'm smiling. :)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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This is a very sweet and sexy poem about young lovers, and I think might be a strong entry for this contest - I have just one small quibble, and that is the second couplet. All the rest have end rhyme, and that one doesn't. I'd like to see it conform to the rest of the poem.
Still, an excellent and wonderful entry - I'm smiling. :)
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thank you for you review. I appreciate all comments for that is how I learn, thank you again.
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You are most welcome. :)
Comment from Cookie333
Ha! Was it a good thing or a bad thing they were caught? haha
Good rhyme, tempo and overall theme.
thank you for the humor and passion my friend,
karen
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Ha! Was it a good thing or a bad thing they were caught? haha
Good rhyme, tempo and overall theme.
thank you for the humor and passion my friend,
karen
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thank you for you review. I appreciate all comments for that is how I learn, thank you again.