Comment from Judgement Dave

Excellent

Excellent twist I didn't spot coming. Liked the decreasing font size at the end and the way the shorter sentences brought urgency/increased pace to the latter section.

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015

Thank you Dave, for your well considered review. Yes there was some work done to increase the tension at the end.

Your review is much appreciated.

:) Mel.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

A Micro Horror Fiction that has us drowning in evil. The hearing aid being out of his reach gave me a little chuckle, and great artwork, I'm presuming from Dean. A great chapter for the book.

 Comment Written 23-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015

Thank you Pearl, as it happens the picture is one of mine. His influence has clearly affected my style of writing at the moment.
I'm so pleased you like my work.

I very much appreciate your review.

:) Mel.

Comment from sandragee

Excellent

I have enjoyed and at the same time been repulsed by your micro horror fiction. The ending is a true flash ending. The line 'His hearing aid is out of reach' has me shaking my head at one of life's little quirks. Well done.

 Comment Written 23-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015

Hi sandragee, I'm pleased to see that you have been pleased and repulsed, then you shook your head. All done with 100 words. That's the job done, you can't ask for much more from a reader. Thank you.

Your review is much appreciated.

:) Mel.

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

I am a poet and reviewer of poetry a bit out of my depth here visiting the pros section. I have come across nano fiction only once before and that was not on FS. I don't claim to understand it really, not this story but the whole idea of nano fiction. I don't think it had been even dreamt of when I last peered inside the halls of academe, so Im a bit bemused actually.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015

Hi Pantygynt, micro flash fiction is simply this, you write a story in the genre and word count of the rules. These can require 500 or less words. I find that it helps to improve my writing by tightening up the word structure.

I hope this has deepened your understanding of 'Flash Fiction.'

:) Mel.

reply by Pantygynt on 22-Jun-2015

Thats intreresting what you say about tightening u7p the word structure. Thanks

Comment from sibhus

Excellent

Wow, holy rancid weasel turd sandwiches, Scary Man. Brief, to the point, and gory, yep I would def say this is a bit of micro horror. You don't even get a chance to wet yourself before it's over, but that's not a bad thing. Good stuff.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015

Hi sibhus. It sounds as if I made a slight impression with my story. I'm so pleased.

I'm also pleased you didn't wet yourself. Hah! Hah!

:) Mel.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, WHB...

_ Short and to the gory point.
_ You did Dean proud.

>>> Is 'no pals' part of Billy's name?
>>> If it is, it should be upper case-- Billy No Pals.
- Homeless Billy no pals,

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015

Hi Jax, many thanks for pointing out the error, now corrected.

Your review is most appreciated.

:)Mel

Comment from Kingsland

Excellent

You wrote this well in the ways that Dean would like a story to be written. A bit of macabre with a dash of ugliness in its thought transformation. I found you did well in writing this short piece of horror. It was thought out in the pains of the best horror writer on this site... John

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015

Hi John, Yes I follow far behind in Dean's bloody footsteps. A touch of the macabre the spice of my story.

Thank you for your positive and kind review, much appreciated.

:) Mel.

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is an interesting book chapter that the author has created with this piece of work. This tells of the terrible plight of the homeless. Well done.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015

Hi Tomes. Thank you for your positive and kind review, much appreciated.

:) Mel.

reply by Tomes Johnston on 22-Jun-2015

My pleasure

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

I'm not a fan of reading horror (that's not a knock to any writer on the site) but since this was a micro-fiction I said what the heck. I'm still not a fan, but this was well written and it kept true to the contest rules of horror-fiction.

Nicely done and written, John

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015

Thank you John, for braving my macabre story, I hope you emerged unscathed. lol.

And I thank you for your positive and kind review, much appreciated.

:) Mel.

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

I am not really into gory, horror genre and I can't really look in art works which are morbid and sick. But you certainly have a gift of putting your ideas into words and organize them into coherent and well planned story. God bless.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015

Hi nassus1957, You are most kind. I'm helping to make up the numbers for Dean Kuch's book Tiny Tales of Terror.

Thank you for taking the time to review my work it is greatly appreciated.

:) Mel.