Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

I enjoyed this little piece. I need to apologize. I did not read this story before I voted. I thought I read them all yesterday. This would have been my choice, sorry.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016

Your apology is accepted, Russell, I just appreciate your looking in and your kind praise. Rod

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

This was an entertaining story and mist different from those read thus far. It is a very nice use of the allotted word amount and Kool you took a time in the forties.

 Comment Written 04-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016

I am delighted you enjoyed this step back in time. Thanks for sharing.

Comment from Judy Couch

Excellent

This sounds like a good beginning for a book. It has suspense and a good plot. It has a conclusion of sorts. It left me wanting to read more.

 Comment Written 04-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016

Thanks for the encouragement, Judy. Actually, this is a scene from a story (possible novel) I posted earlier.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This does sound like a Mike Hammer narrative where the PI is getting too close and the bad guys try a warning. Don't they ever learn? The words required were all used and disappeared into the cool scene. Nice job.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you, Bill. I am delighted your enjoyed stepping back into the 40s with a Mike Hammer clone.

Comment from enitsalemap

Excellent

This is a very interesting response to the writing prompt. I love the noir aspect and the dialogue was very true to that genre. You could really feel the time and place in the piece. Nicely done.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you for taking a short trip into the past with me. I am delighted the story put you there.

reply by enitsalemap on 03-Jun-2016

fun read, thank you

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

Love these 'noir' styles. Not my era, not my country, but Raymond
Chandler etc created a story style that still resonates. You've got
the down and out detective, the independent guy who muses:The
flunky on the phone follows orders from someone. Johnny Athens
doesn't. Too stubborn I guess. Love the third person reference to
'Johnny Athens' talking as if he's the audience but he knows the
cameras are on him. And the names:Daschard's daughter, Johnny
Athens; straight out of Daschell Hammet or Raymond Chandler.
And the characters; the thug with the warning, the missing heiress
(just wished you'd called her 'a dame'. LOL.) They're all there.
The scenario of a kidnapping and the gumshoe on the case is Noir
fiction all the way. I thought that using this style along with the
compulsory prompt words was really clever. Best of luck. I've made
a couple of suggestions which may help:
Dull light from the street lmp: lamp
don't lay off lookin' for Daschard's daughter . . . You listening?"...
just a suggestion: Change 'listening' to 'listnin' to stay in character
with the dropped 'G' in 'lookin'...nothin' like a bitta street talk, huh?
"She alive?":she's

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

What a delight to be reviewed by another aficionado of noir fiction. Yes, I, too, love Raymond Chandler (Dashiell Hammett not so much) and have learned much from rereading his books. Thanks for taking the time to point out specifically what you like and to make suggestions.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

First line - street lamp. Also not sure streams in works with dull light. Crept in may be more apt.

Pretty well written piece which captures the vibe of these stories well. I would have had to have sorted that window first though!

Nice vignette.
GMG

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thanks for sharing and for the good suggestion.