Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

LOL. Poor Daniel. He means well but he's not really helping Eu El. And no, origami was done by boys and girls in Asian schools. He wouldn't be considered gay. Good progress with this story!
Comments:
" exhales from Daniel, his expression appears " (Instead of a comma, I'd recommend a period or a semicolon. )
I know it's your stylistic choice but it might read more directly and succinctly to say either : "Daniel released a bewildered breath." Or "A silent, bewildered breath escaped from Daniel's lips" or something like that. Just a suggestionn.

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018

Hi, lyenochka. Thank you for your review and suggestion. Your choice of words sound much more appealing. I opted to take your advice and use it :)

Very helpful. Thank you again. Have a blessed weekend.

-Euell

reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018

Hi, lyenochka. Thank you for your review and suggestion. Your choice of words sound much more appealing. I opted to take your advice and use it :)

Very helpful. Thank you again. Have a blessed weekend.

-Euell

reply by lyenochka on 28-Sep-2018

I'm glad that the comments were helpful. It's always your story and writing style so always feel free to use or ignore. Have a wonderful weekend!

Comment from kahpot

Excellent

I was looking forward to this continuation and was not disappointed "Let my mom know when I'll be home" what a great piece of writing letting us know how disinterested he really is, in the begging of one line where it reads, "Daniel is a lost for words" this line may need some attention, another very great read, excellent, very well done****kahpot

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018

Thank you l, kahpot. Have a blessed weekend. Your review and comment are always welcomed and encouraging. Thank you!

reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018

Thank you l, kahpot. Have a blessed weekend. Your review and comment are always welcomed and encouraging. Thank you!