Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Teddy Bear"A collection of my children's poems
194 total reviews
Comment from lizzard king
really tight really great poem
rhymes amazingly great imagery and use of words x
makes me remember playing in the garden and me and my sister used to make mud pies!
this poem is a triumph :)
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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really tight really great poem
rhymes amazingly great imagery and use of words x
makes me remember playing in the garden and me and my sister used to make mud pies!
this poem is a triumph :)
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thanks for the review and the kind words - glad you enjoyed.
Comment from jgirlie152
This is a delightful poem of a small child waking up to a great day of adventure with his/her teddy bear. I like the fact that this could have been a little boy or a little girl, with a great imagination to enjoy each moment of a wonderful childhood day.
Joan
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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This is a delightful poem of a small child waking up to a great day of adventure with his/her teddy bear. I like the fact that this could have been a little boy or a little girl, with a great imagination to enjoy each moment of a wonderful childhood day.
Joan
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thanks, Joan.
I actually patched this together in haste with the deadline only minutes away, so the outcome was pleasing!
Comment from Buddhapest18
Very cute and creative poem. This contest is no fair with how cute that picture is! "Molly" "Ted" and "Jemima" are all old time classic names which help set an even better tone/environment. Almost all rhymed words are one syllable and the others as simple as possible. The intro stanza is not what you'd expect to start off this poem but this gives it creativity and takes nothing away in my mind.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Very cute and creative poem. This contest is no fair with how cute that picture is! "Molly" "Ted" and "Jemima" are all old time classic names which help set an even better tone/environment. Almost all rhymed words are one syllable and the others as simple as possible. The intro stanza is not what you'd expect to start off this poem but this gives it creativity and takes nothing away in my mind.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you - I am interested in your comment about the first stanza - I just wanted to create the feeling of 'no time to waste, excitement and fun to be had...'
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Oh that makes sense. I think I initially just misinterpreted when I thought of a "mistress" scurrying to put clothes on in the morning :) haha
Comment from jaeladarling
What a beautifully sweet poem! This would be great on a poster, with adequate decoration, hanging on the wall over a child's bed. Great work, and thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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What a beautifully sweet poem! This would be great on a poster, with adequate decoration, hanging on the wall over a child's bed. Great work, and thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you jd
I may do up a version for my grand-daughter - she conveniently has a two-syllable name that could replace 'Molly' in the poem.
Comment from rawahymis
Well done!
The poem is so well crafted the reader easily suspends his/her disbelief and the teddy is almost human, partaking in the activities of the day.
Well used language and rhyme scheme.
The imagery is excellent, allowing the reader first hand view of the house and outdoors, and the different activities.
The teddy's perspective is personalized in the telling, making the tale quite believable and realistic, and it takes a while before the reader realizes that the 'we' is a teddy and not a real person.
Best wishes and good luck.
rawahy
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Well done!
The poem is so well crafted the reader easily suspends his/her disbelief and the teddy is almost human, partaking in the activities of the day.
Well used language and rhyme scheme.
The imagery is excellent, allowing the reader first hand view of the house and outdoors, and the different activities.
The teddy's perspective is personalized in the telling, making the tale quite believable and realistic, and it takes a while before the reader realizes that the 'we' is a teddy and not a real person.
Best wishes and good luck.
rawahy
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you, Rawahy, for taking the time to read and comment on the different aspects of the poem - I don't often analyse my own work, so these things are not planned - when I read comments like yours I go, "Oh, so that's what I did!'
Actually, this was conceived and executed within 2 hours with the deadline looming...
Comment from RWGoldsmith
I really enjoyed this. I found it very accessible to my non-poetry oriented mind. You did a great job capturing the innocence and joy in a young child's day.
I don't know a thing about the mechanics of poetry so I can't comment on that aspect of your work.
I easily give this six stars.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I really enjoyed this. I found it very accessible to my non-poetry oriented mind. You did a great job capturing the innocence and joy in a young child's day.
I don't know a thing about the mechanics of poetry so I can't comment on that aspect of your work.
I easily give this six stars.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thanks for coming across to review the dark side.
Six stars - Wow!
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18 votes! You must be jazzed. Congratulations.
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There are a lot of teddy-lovers out there!
Also managed to promote this at the right time...
I'm thrilled, of course, not least bevause this was written in a very short space of time with the deadline looming - must work for me; I recollect I won another contest with a similar rush job...
Steve
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I wrote a flash fiction piece today for the "Why didn't someone stop me? contest. When I finished, I discovered the deadline had ended. I suppose I should look next time. LOL.
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All you can do is hang onto it and hope the contest comes round again! Or change it enough to fit into a different contest prompt... :o)
Steve
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Not the first time I neglected to pay attention to a deadline. Once I once wrote a piece for a contest which had ended the month before. :)
Comment from irish53
That was a beautiful story
the rhymes are good
it flows so
nice i really enjoyed
reading this story
plus i love teddy
bears i collect them
great job
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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That was a beautiful story
the rhymes are good
it flows so
nice i really enjoyed
reading this story
plus i love teddy
bears i collect them
great job
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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So far that's three teddy-collectors and one teddy-maker - easy writing poetry for you people!
Thanks for the kind words.
Comment from chita
I love your artwork and you have a good flow with your write and rhyme well-you are descriptive and write a lovely story in your poem-Teddy bear has an active life--I love where you write("Mummy, my Teddy and I will be playing-Outside in the garden," I her Molly saying) what a delightful and enjoyable read--great job.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I love your artwork and you have a good flow with your write and rhyme well-you are descriptive and write a lovely story in your poem-Teddy bear has an active life--I love where you write("Mummy, my Teddy and I will be playing-Outside in the garden," I her Molly saying) what a delightful and enjoyable read--great job.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you, Chita. glad you enjoyed this little children's piece.
Comment from starkat
What an absolutely delighful children's poem - well written and rhymed. Enjoyed hearing all about the amazing adventures of Molly and Teddy Bear. What a fun, full day they had. Love the personification of Ted and the imaginative joy in Molly. I'm sure teddy would fit in the tub but mommy knows best it would take too long to dry teddy out. A dry teddy is best for snuggling in bed and listening to stories. There's always time for bedtime stories for Molly and Ted.
This is an outstanding story-poem and a great contest entry. Young kids will love this story - the life of Teddy Bear- and you really should get it published someday.
Loved it! Definitely deserves a 'sixer'. Should be a strong contender in the contest. Wishing you the best ...;o)
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2011
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What an absolutely delighful children's poem - well written and rhymed. Enjoyed hearing all about the amazing adventures of Molly and Teddy Bear. What a fun, full day they had. Love the personification of Ted and the imaginative joy in Molly. I'm sure teddy would fit in the tub but mommy knows best it would take too long to dry teddy out. A dry teddy is best for snuggling in bed and listening to stories. There's always time for bedtime stories for Molly and Ted.
This is an outstanding story-poem and a great contest entry. Young kids will love this story - the life of Teddy Bear- and you really should get it published someday.
Loved it! Definitely deserves a 'sixer'. Should be a strong contender in the contest. Wishing you the best ...;o)
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2011
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Thank you so much for your enthusiastic review and the six stars.
I did think of dropping Ted in the tub - he was pretty dirty after those mud pies- and then I was going to peg him up somewhere by his ear to dry - Ouch!
Ran out of time though. I actually patched this together in haste with the deadline only minutes away, so the outcome was pleasing!
Comment from sunnilicious
"Teddy Bear" is cute. And you have many good rhymes. In every verse too. The flow is nice. Well written. Enjoyable read. Good luck in the writing prompt contest.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2011
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"Teddy Bear" is cute. And you have many good rhymes. In every verse too. The flow is nice. Well written. Enjoyable read. Good luck in the writing prompt contest.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2011
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Thank you.
I actually patched this together in haste with the deadline only minutes away, so the outcome was pleasing!
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It read like you worked weeks on it. Loved it. And you're welcome.
:)