haiku (a cloud of blackbirds)
A 5-6-5 haiku-club challenge poem20 total reviews
Comment from Ritasher
A really well-done haiku! I love the the last line - it gives that AHA moment and creates a vivid image in my mind. I like that you've chosen a "cloud" definition for this, it really fits your further description (and also a picture) of thaaaat many blackbirds :)
Sincerely, Rita
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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A really well-done haiku! I love the the last line - it gives that AHA moment and creates a vivid image in my mind. I like that you've chosen a "cloud" definition for this, it really fits your further description (and also a picture) of thaaaat many blackbirds :)
Sincerely, Rita
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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A group or collective of Blackbirds is called a cloud, cluster, or merle, the further description is doubtful-do trees sleep? I read many poems and stories I do not comment on them all, if I do not understand or relate I put them in my learning pocket, I will not discredit someone who is trying to improve, learn, or express themselves, please understand this is my opinion****kahpot
Comment from lyenochka
Whoa! That's quite the "cloud of blackbirds." I like how you moved from that enormous number of blackbirds descending on the trees to a more calming metaphor of "blanketed trees sleep." Enjoyed your haiku!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Whoa! That's quite the "cloud of blackbirds." I like how you moved from that enormous number of blackbirds descending on the trees to a more calming metaphor of "blanketed trees sleep." Enjoyed your haiku!
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Thank you or your wonderful and encouraging comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a terrific haiku. Your concrete imagery is easy to imagine even without the amended artwork. And yes, with a cloud of blackbirds the trees are definitely covered for a good night's sleep.
Very, very well written. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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This is a terrific haiku. Your concrete imagery is easy to imagine even without the amended artwork. And yes, with a cloud of blackbirds the trees are definitely covered for a good night's sleep.
Very, very well written. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you very much for your understanding comments and very encouraging review, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Kahpot,
This is a wonderfully visual haiku. Your photo is fitting.
I've seen clouds of blackbirds before, and what looks like chaos is really orderly flight.
Great work, Kahpot.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Kahpot,
This is a wonderfully visual haiku. Your photo is fitting.
I've seen clouds of blackbirds before, and what looks like chaos is really orderly flight.
Great work, Kahpot.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you so very much for your encouraging comments and review, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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You?re welcome, Kahpot.
Cindy
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
haiku (a cloud of blackbirds)
by kahpot
Hello Kym
Wonderful imagery and presentation for your haiku. Good syllables count and connection between lines. The satori, last line, is clever and made me think. Well done!
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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haiku (a cloud of blackbirds)
by kahpot
Hello Kym
Wonderful imagery and presentation for your haiku. Good syllables count and connection between lines. The satori, last line, is clever and made me think. Well done!
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you for your very encouraging comments and review, means a lot, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I wasn't aware that a group of blackbirds was called a cloud--interesting. You have made excellent use of your few syllables to describe this awesome scene in nature.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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I wasn't aware that a group of blackbirds was called a cloud--interesting. You have made excellent use of your few syllables to describe this awesome scene in nature.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you very much, I believe a group of Blackbirds is called a cloud, cluster or merle, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from AnnaLinda
Kym,
Wow! You nailed this challenge! Super imagery, fantastic form and your satori is not asleep.
Not sure I can or will do anything with this challenge.
I have no suggestions for improvements. You rock!
AnnaLinda
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Kym,
Wow! You nailed this challenge! Super imagery, fantastic form and your satori is not asleep.
Not sure I can or will do anything with this challenge.
I have no suggestions for improvements. You rock!
AnnaLinda
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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AnnaLinda, you have made my day, no help! I feel this is the best comment I could receive, I may actually be getting the hang of this form, I hope that rock don't crumble, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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Wow! You've got this !
Thanks for the compliment too.
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Kym...now that I looked at it this morning...the only thing I see is that you have a past tense in your satori..."blanketed"
I don't know how to adjust it. I guess because "sleep" is present tense it may still work. Which is a personification of trees...who cares about breaking that rule. haha
Comment from Jesse James Doty
So, the cloud of blackbirds comes down to their trees to sleep. I always, in the morning, hear them chattering away but, they have to sleep sometime, so maybe at night, they sleep. I am no longer a night owl, and I go to bed earlier all the time so, I do not hear the blackbirds snoring, or do they snore? I wouldn't imagine so. Anyway, thanks for the haiku and for letting me share my story.
Have a nice evening,
Jesse
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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So, the cloud of blackbirds comes down to their trees to sleep. I always, in the morning, hear them chattering away but, they have to sleep sometime, so maybe at night, they sleep. I am no longer a night owl, and I go to bed earlier all the time so, I do not hear the blackbirds snoring, or do they snore? I wouldn't imagine so. Anyway, thanks for the haiku and for letting me share my story.
Have a nice evening,
Jesse
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you Jesse, your stories are always welcome on my page, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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Thanks, I feel welcome to share and air my feelings on your reviews. I am glad you like my style of writing, which includes sharing.
Have a good night,
Jesse
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You'll always be welcome here Jesse, I like being informed on how you are going
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Thanks. That means a lot to me.
Take care, my friend,
Jesse
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, A Cloud of Blackbirds, presented as a 5-6-5, captures a stunning moment when a google of birds descend onto the limbs of what was a tree and is now a bird sanctuary.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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This haiku, A Cloud of Blackbirds, presented as a 5-6-5, captures a stunning moment when a google of birds descend onto the limbs of what was a tree and is now a bird sanctuary.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you very much, I hope the tree is still a tree, and a collective of Blackbirds is called a cloud, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow! This is a great haiku. I love the image you chose--perfect. Your haiku is in good form, too. I could see this as I read even if no picture had been included. This is one of the best haiku I've read in a long time--should have been in a contest.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Wow! This is a great haiku. I love the image you chose--perfect. Your haiku is in good form, too. I could see this as I read even if no picture had been included. This is one of the best haiku I've read in a long time--should have been in a contest.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Wow! back, thank you very much-who needs to be in a contest, with comments like these I believe I am winning my quest to improve on this form, as always very much appreciated****kahpot