Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Betrayal Chapter 38"In the title.
36 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Gripping! The story has taken on the aura of desperation. Rapier is determined to carry out his job and yet so many things are deterring the final act. Hopefully, Grant will return before all hell breaks loose.
Ralf
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Gripping! The story has taken on the aura of desperation. Rapier is determined to carry out his job and yet so many things are deterring the final act. Hopefully, Grant will return before all hell breaks loose.
Ralf
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Thank you so very much for this wonderful review and for that sixth lovely star, Ralf. It was such a long part I didn't think I'd get many reviews. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I think you'll be happy with the outcome in the next part. Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sandra:
I suppose it would not be very Christian of me to wish that the dogs would catch up to Rapier and rip him to shreds for traumatizing Jose's entire family, especially his children, would it? Oh well, guess I'm just not in a charitable mood tonight. I'll ask for forgiveness later. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Sandra:
I suppose it would not be very Christian of me to wish that the dogs would catch up to Rapier and rip him to shreds for traumatizing Jose's entire family, especially his children, would it? Oh well, guess I'm just not in a charitable mood tonight. I'll ask for forgiveness later. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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LOL! I think you could be forgiven! Thank you so much for this lovely review, my friend, I really appreciated reading your wonderful, (sinful) thoughts!! Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Sandra. My my your story has many twists and turns and just enough breath holding moments to keep one reading and wondering what will happen next . Grant seems go be the man of the moment
Has the baby got a name yet? What is going on with Grants brother etc . Dont let the story get away from the original theme.
No time to see any spags too busy reading
Cheers Chris
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Hi Sandra. My my your story has many twists and turns and just enough breath holding moments to keep one reading and wondering what will happen next . Grant seems go be the man of the moment
Has the baby got a name yet? What is going on with Grants brother etc . Dont let the story get away from the original theme.
No time to see any spags too busy reading
Cheers Chris
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Chris, and for your very pertinent questions. The baby is only two days old and they are waiting to share the naming with Latifah's parents. You will all find out her name later. (I decided I should be the one to name her, Lol!) Colin and his mother will be coming back into it very shortly, that will be a stinging one! And we will find out who has betrayed them, and why. So a few things are in store. Thank you, my friend, I really enjoyed your review. Thank you so much for the sixth star, that was a bonus on top of your lovely review. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from judiverse
Interesting details about Rapier's childhood, and the mistreatment he received from his father. Great descriptions of Grant and Shadow's movements as they try to locate Anna and the children. Apparently Rapier is tied up with some German Shepherds. You put his fear of them to great use in the story. With Anna and the children rescued, will Rapier's capture come soon? Great story. Very intense. judi
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Interesting details about Rapier's childhood, and the mistreatment he received from his father. Great descriptions of Grant and Shadow's movements as they try to locate Anna and the children. Apparently Rapier is tied up with some German Shepherds. You put his fear of them to great use in the story. With Anna and the children rescued, will Rapier's capture come soon? Great story. Very intense. judi
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Thank you so very much for this wonderful review, Judi, and all the stars! I think you'll like the next part as many things will happen, edging towards the end of the book. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part, my friend, thank you! Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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You're very welcome. A villain has to have some kind of flaw, and we've seen Rapier's. judi
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with this post. I like how you give us a background to show us why Rapier became the villain that he is. I'm also glad Grant rescued Anna and the kids and also realized his grave error by not leaving at least one of is men there. But perhaps the dogs will alert Peter to the problem.
Comments:
I felt something was missing between these paragraphs:
"Rapier wasn't there.
After they'd released Anna"
We were told they didn't see anything. As the reader, I want to know what what Grant and Shadow saw. We know Anna and the kids are there. We just don't know how Grant and Shadow recognized it was them.
Grant asked Anna if there was anyone who could come and be with them until José was home. (I wonder if this part would be better as direct dialogue.)
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Great job with this post. I like how you give us a background to show us why Rapier became the villain that he is. I'm also glad Grant rescued Anna and the kids and also realized his grave error by not leaving at least one of is men there. But perhaps the dogs will alert Peter to the problem.
Comments:
I felt something was missing between these paragraphs:
"Rapier wasn't there.
After they'd released Anna"
We were told they didn't see anything. As the reader, I want to know what what Grant and Shadow saw. We know Anna and the kids are there. We just don't know how Grant and Shadow recognized it was them.
Grant asked Anna if there was anyone who could come and be with them until José was home. (I wonder if this part would be better as direct dialogue.)
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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You've raised some good points here, Helen, and I will sort them all out. This is what I love best about the reviews I get from people like you. I'm glad you liked the actual part, so now I'll go and make it better! Thank so much, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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Thank you for your gracious response, Sandra! Your writing is always marvelous and engaging!
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Aw, thank you! I think the same about your writing. xxx
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💖
Comment from Jay Squires
Another action-filled chapter, Sandra.
I only had a couple of suggestions:
"It needed a lot of work doing to it, but the cost made it far too expensive for José to even consider." [To me, Sandra "...a lot of work doing to it," sounds kind of clunky. But if it's the speech rhythm familiar to Brits, who am I to say? I would have rephrased it, "... needed having a lot of work done to it."]
before he'd had a chance to think, he grabbed it and stuck it in his father's chest. [For such a critical scene, I suggest finding a better verb than "stuck" here ... like rammed, for example. But that's just a judgment call.]
Well, it looks like Rapier is on the defensive as the dogs have spotted him.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Another action-filled chapter, Sandra.
I only had a couple of suggestions:
"It needed a lot of work doing to it, but the cost made it far too expensive for José to even consider." [To me, Sandra "...a lot of work doing to it," sounds kind of clunky. But if it's the speech rhythm familiar to Brits, who am I to say? I would have rephrased it, "... needed having a lot of work done to it."]
before he'd had a chance to think, he grabbed it and stuck it in his father's chest. [For such a critical scene, I suggest finding a better verb than "stuck" here ... like rammed, for example. But that's just a judgment call.]
Well, it looks like Rapier is on the defensive as the dogs have spotted him.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Jay, and for giving me one of your lovely golden stars. I thought your comments were great and went ahead and made some changes. The first one about the work needing doing, now reads:
[... the house was a pale shadow of its former glory. It needed to be completely renovated but the cost made it far too expensive for José to even consider.]
The second regarding 'stuck' now reads|:
His eyes spotted the knife on the table, and before he?d had a chance to think, he grabbed it, and, with all the force he could muster, thrust it in his father?s chest...
What do you think? Thank you again, my friend, your reviews are always very helpful. Warm hugs! Sandra xxx
Comment from Gert sherwood
Sandra,
You knowhow to make a reader feel tense, especially, the search for Anna and the children. What I like is how you describe the emotions feelings of Anna and the children
Gert
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Sandra,
You knowhow to make a reader feel tense, especially, the search for Anna and the children. What I like is how you describe the emotions feelings of Anna and the children
Gert
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Aw, thank you, Gert. You are the first one to pick up on the children's feelings, and their mothers. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You are so welcome Sandra
Gert
Comment from Sankey
Hi there. This was a good chapter. So glad I have another prose writer to review. pretty dramatic and just sorry I missed all the earlier chapters. Maybe get back there later.
A typo in the title Bertayal??
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Hi there. This was a good chapter. So glad I have another prose writer to review. pretty dramatic and just sorry I missed all the earlier chapters. Maybe get back there later.
A typo in the title Bertayal??
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Aw, thank you so much, Sankey, for this fabulous review and for the sixth gold star award! It's lovely to have you on board. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from royowen
Shadow and grant were looking for a formidable foe in Rapier, but discovered the captive family of Jose's' they were tied up in the attic, and the kids were traumatised, but he realised he'd left Latifah and Tania with Peter, but Peter takes the dogs for a walk, and then they sniffed the air and growled... Well done Sandra, great story telling, and no violence...great! Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Shadow and grant were looking for a formidable foe in Rapier, but discovered the captive family of Jose's' they were tied up in the attic, and the kids were traumatised, but he realised he'd left Latifah and Tania with Peter, but Peter takes the dogs for a walk, and then they sniffed the air and growled... Well done Sandra, great story telling, and no violence...great! Blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Roy. I really appreciate this lovely review. I think the story is heading rapidly to the end now, just a few more parts. Warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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I?m so glad you?re you Sandra, bless you
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Aw, thank you! I think the same about you, dear Roy. xxx
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Bless you
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This chapter is well-written and intense, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. You gave readers much action with great details in all circumstances of looking and finding Anna and the kids. I could visualize everything as I read. The ending was suspenseful--what a draw to bring readers back. Did the dogs find Raoier? The part about Rapier and his parents was intense and handled well. Even though it started him on his way to becoming the hired killer, I have no sympathy for him because of his earlier life.
'But it suddenly occurred to me that if Rapier wasn't there with them, there is only [ one ] other place he would be ... on the island! I've left them on their own! Peter won't be able to handle that psycho alone!'
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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This chapter is well-written and intense, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. You gave readers much action with great details in all circumstances of looking and finding Anna and the kids. I could visualize everything as I read. The ending was suspenseful--what a draw to bring readers back. Did the dogs find Raoier? The part about Rapier and his parents was intense and handled well. Even though it started him on his way to becoming the hired killer, I have no sympathy for him because of his earlier life.
'But it suddenly occurred to me that if Rapier wasn't there with them, there is only [ one ] other place he would be ... on the island! I've left them on their own! Peter won't be able to handle that psycho alone!'
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for pointing out that missing word, Jan, I really appreciate that. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. I agree with you, and, apparantly, so does everyone else, that Rapier's childhood does not excuse him for his actions now. Thanks, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
