Brian's book of poem's
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Changes"poetry
53 total reviews
Comment from Raul1
Interesting on how you set the seasons in order in your poetry. I think that It is well written. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like your poem. Thank you for sharing! Nice job!
  |
Interesting on how you set the seasons in order in your poetry. I think that It is well written. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like your poem. Thank you for sharing! Nice job!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from karenina
Reality is stark but true. Your brevity makes the inevitability of "Changes" all the more contemplative. As in our seasons of life, change is just beyond the bend. Congrats on your recognized status with this one...
Karenina
|
Reality is stark but true. Your brevity makes the inevitability of "Changes" all the more contemplative. As in our seasons of life, change is just beyond the bend. Congrats on your recognized status with this one...
Karenina
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from E. Denison
Nice brief work here, Brian. It seems like we only really recognize when the seasons change when they are the most dramatic (typically into winter). The progressive change in seasons does well as a metaphor for our life and mortality. As a small suggestion, if you add a carefully curated image you may be able to link up with that metaphor even without saying it so much in the body of the work. Excellent subtext opportunities here. As one other suggestion I may recommend a semi-colon rather than a comma as your first point of punctuation (just after ready to change). You have a complete thought there, so the strength of the semi-colon may be fitting. Thanks for sharing.
|
Nice brief work here, Brian. It seems like we only really recognize when the seasons change when they are the most dramatic (typically into winter). The progressive change in seasons does well as a metaphor for our life and mortality. As a small suggestion, if you add a carefully curated image you may be able to link up with that metaphor even without saying it so much in the body of the work. Excellent subtext opportunities here. As one other suggestion I may recommend a semi-colon rather than a comma as your first point of punctuation (just after ready to change). You have a complete thought there, so the strength of the semi-colon may be fitting. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Changing seasons are something that is special to most countries. To have a winter, spring, summer, and autumn, brings their own special gifts. This poem will sit nicely in your book. Well done, Brian. :)) Sandra
|
Changing seasons are something that is special to most countries. To have a winter, spring, summer, and autumn, brings their own special gifts. This poem will sit nicely in your book. Well done, Brian. :)) Sandra
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this chapter from your book of poems. Yes, season's change. I personally think that's a good thing. I like changing seasons. I have a favorite part of each season. Although Autumn with it's rich colors is my favorite.
|
Thank you for sharing this chapter from your book of poems. Yes, season's change. I personally think that's a good thing. I like changing seasons. I have a favorite part of each season. Although Autumn with it's rich colors is my favorite.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are interesting, thought provoking and creative.
I thought about these words and compared them to the changes in life.
The poem flows and connects well.
|
The author's words are interesting, thought provoking and creative.
I thought about these words and compared them to the changes in life.
The poem flows and connects well.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Brian S. Watson,
Short and sweet! You have beautifully depicted the Seasons' Change.
"Brevity is the soul of wit." - Shakespeare.
LAUDABLE Attempt!
|
Hello Brian S. Watson,
Short and sweet! You have beautifully depicted the Seasons' Change.
"Brevity is the soul of wit." - Shakespeare.
LAUDABLE Attempt!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Brian,
with only commas breaking the flow, I find this layout too long and wordy.
Suggestion:
Seasons are getting ready to change
Summer will soon (*is-going-to*omit) change to fall...
(*And then* omit) Fall is eventually going to change to winter.
Being too wordy can take away any shine this poem may have.
It's certainly simplistic, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be some kind of structure and presentation.
Thank you for sharing your chapter in the book of Brian's book of poems, even the chapter heading is wordy! I think Brian's book of poems may have sufficed?
With our thoughts we create...
a structured view.
Kind regards,
James.
 |
Hi Brian,
with only commas breaking the flow, I find this layout too long and wordy.
Suggestion:
Seasons are getting ready to change
Summer will soon (*is-going-to*omit) change to fall...
(*And then* omit) Fall is eventually going to change to winter.
Being too wordy can take away any shine this poem may have.
It's certainly simplistic, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be some kind of structure and presentation.
Thank you for sharing your chapter in the book of Brian's book of poems, even the chapter heading is wordy! I think Brian's book of poems may have sufficed?
With our thoughts we create...
a structured view.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We are well into winter here with cold temperatures and some snow, the summer is just a memory now, a poignant write Brian, roll on spring, love Dolly x
|
We are well into winter here with cold temperatures and some snow, the summer is just a memory now, a poignant write Brian, roll on spring, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Congratulations on the poem being recognized. It's a stark and minimalistic poem which lingers in the mind. Well done!!!!!!!! have a great holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Congratulations on the poem being recognized. It's a stark and minimalistic poem which lingers in the mind. Well done!!!!!!!! have a great holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021