Detour
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Missteps (Gretchen)"Two very real women in not so real situation.
23 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Did you not finish writing the background (italics)? It ends with "They" Should the second paragraph be in italics also?
Gretchen, this was a great piece to go with Rachelle's. She's the chatty, outgoing personality and you're the quiet one. I like the contrast in personalities which becomes more obvious because two people are writing this. Interesting format, good storytelling, love the humorous bits. If I have one critique, it would be the use of commas. There seems to be several where they're not needed. Otherwise, good write:-)
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Did you not finish writing the background (italics)? It ends with "They" Should the second paragraph be in italics also?
Gretchen, this was a great piece to go with Rachelle's. She's the chatty, outgoing personality and you're the quiet one. I like the contrast in personalities which becomes more obvious because two people are writing this. Interesting format, good storytelling, love the humorous bits. If I have one critique, it would be the use of commas. There seems to be several where they're not needed. Otherwise, good write:-)
xo
Pam
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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I'm not sure why the background didn't show completely. I double checked and it's showing completely for me. I will go back and de-comma some. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
Oh Gretchen. I love your story! So good. You have described yourself so well (I identify with your personality) and I think you are describing Rachelle brilliantly (that's exactly how she seems to me, vibrant, fashionable, and a people person. Well done. I am looking forward to more.
Wendy
Edit: It means your about to be struck by lightning (you're)
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Oh Gretchen. I love your story! So good. You have described yourself so well (I identify with your personality) and I think you are describing Rachelle brilliantly (that's exactly how she seems to me, vibrant, fashionable, and a people person. Well done. I am looking forward to more.
Wendy
Edit: It means your about to be struck by lightning (you're)
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Wendy. I call people like you and me, no nonsense. We do what needs to be done, then we have our fun. Gretchen
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is hilarious. I enjoyed every word as you described your ride in an Amish buggy. You make it easy to envision the road, countryside and cloudy sky. I grew up an hour and ten minutes away from Lancaster Pennsylvania...Amish country. On Saturdays, the Amish came to the farmers market in the city, to sell meats, produce, and fresh juices.
I look forward to how you and Rachelle survive in their culture. I hope you make it to the FS Convention in time.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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This is hilarious. I enjoyed every word as you described your ride in an Amish buggy. You make it easy to envision the road, countryside and cloudy sky. I grew up an hour and ten minutes away from Lancaster Pennsylvania...Amish country. On Saturdays, the Amish came to the farmers market in the city, to sell meats, produce, and fresh juices.
I look forward to how you and Rachelle survive in their culture. I hope you make it to the FS Convention in time.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much. This is quite the adventure. Appreciate your nice review. Gretchen
Comment from lyenochka
Good to know that no one harmed in the making of this story. Enjoyed your humorous conversational missteps with the overly serious child. I liked your comment of regret of not being played by Kathy Bates! Cute parallel story with Rachelle's! Yes, those extroverts know how to make light of an awkward situation!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Good to know that no one harmed in the making of this story. Enjoyed your humorous conversational missteps with the overly serious child. I liked your comment of regret of not being played by Kathy Bates! Cute parallel story with Rachelle's! Yes, those extroverts know how to make light of an awkward situation!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed this. Gretchen
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You are so funny Gretchen and I loved your sense of humour. You and Rachelle are a right pair of comedians and I am loving this road trip the two of you have embarked on. This is so entertaining and a joy to read, I adore these posts, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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You are so funny Gretchen and I loved your sense of humour. You and Rachelle are a right pair of comedians and I am loving this road trip the two of you have embarked on. This is so entertaining and a joy to read, I adore these posts, love Dolly x
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much. I'm having a blast writing them. Gretchen
Comment from patcelaw
And so much enjoyed this creative little story about you guys on a trip to fanstory convention. It was very cleverly written and I enjoyed it very much very well when it is read aloud. I am glad no fanstorians were hurt. Patricia.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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And so much enjoyed this creative little story about you guys on a trip to fanstory convention. It was very cleverly written and I enjoyed it very much very well when it is read aloud. I am glad no fanstorians were hurt. Patricia.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Patricia. This is fun to write, especially when you can just make it up as you go along. Gretchen
Comment from pome lover
neat part of a story. As I haven't read it from the beginning, I'll have to check it out, but I do have a question. Are you and Rachelle friends outside of FS, or strictly FS friends?
We have critiqued each other back and forth in the past, but not lately. I like her and think it would be wonderful to have her musical talent.
I'm not good with foul smells either. But I think it would be fascinating to meet some Amish folk.
Katharine
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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neat part of a story. As I haven't read it from the beginning, I'll have to check it out, but I do have a question. Are you and Rachelle friends outside of FS, or strictly FS friends?
We have critiqued each other back and forth in the past, but not lately. I like her and think it would be wonderful to have her musical talent.
I'm not good with foul smells either. But I think it would be fascinating to meet some Amish folk.
Katharine
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Katharine. Rachelle and I only know each other through this site. She is very witty and I appreciate that in her writing. Thank youso much. Gretchen
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am pretty sure this gentleman with the scythe is just coming to see what all the laughter is about and will do nobody any harm. Most of them are conscientious objectors, but I guess you could meet the one that's not. LOL Love this story.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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I am pretty sure this gentleman with the scythe is just coming to see what all the laughter is about and will do nobody any harm. Most of them are conscientious objectors, but I guess you could meet the one that's not. LOL Love this story.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Barbara. My character has an over zealous imagination. I'm glad you are enjoying this. Gretchen
Comment from Mrs. KT
What a hoot, Gretchen!
I so love the Amish people, their habits, culture, and practices.
But to find you in the midst of them, in a buggy behind "Stiletto-Girl" just made me laugh aloud!
And when you told Hannah the following, I nudge Hannah. "Did you know if your hair sticks up like static electricity, it means your about to be struck by lightning?"
Hannah's hand reaches up and touches her cap. I realize this wasn't the best information to give out.
"Well, if you see my hair standing on end, you might want to scootch over." I stop talking, because I'm rambling. And, there is nothing worse than rambling about things that no one wants to hear." I suddenly realized that those are the kind of conversations that often come out of my mouth as well! Hilarious!
One small edit: removed "we don't know" from the following because, well, you know... :) :) :)
"So, as we ended the last chapter, Rachelle and I are now in separate buggies, with strangers we don't know"
Much enjoyed!
Thank you for sharing!
Fondly,
diane
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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What a hoot, Gretchen!
I so love the Amish people, their habits, culture, and practices.
But to find you in the midst of them, in a buggy behind "Stiletto-Girl" just made me laugh aloud!
And when you told Hannah the following, I nudge Hannah. "Did you know if your hair sticks up like static electricity, it means your about to be struck by lightning?"
Hannah's hand reaches up and touches her cap. I realize this wasn't the best information to give out.
"Well, if you see my hair standing on end, you might want to scootch over." I stop talking, because I'm rambling. And, there is nothing worse than rambling about things that no one wants to hear." I suddenly realized that those are the kind of conversations that often come out of my mouth as well! Hilarious!
One small edit: removed "we don't know" from the following because, well, you know... :) :) :)
"So, as we ended the last chapter, Rachelle and I are now in separate buggies, with strangers we don't know"
Much enjoyed!
Thank you for sharing!
Fondly,
diane
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much, Diane. This has been a hoot so far. No idea where it's going. I appreciate the six. Gretchen
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Gretchen. I hope you are well.
I like the bottom part of your notes where you say no fanstorians were injured in the making of this story
So, Hannah is the little girl and Helene is her mother. I didn't catch that right away.
I thought this was very humorous and that you let your hair down and I really like that. I could see your emotions even though this is not a real story. I could feel your fear I could hear your laughter.
Rachelle's fall was pretty funny too
This sounded just like it was two antique little old ladies driving cross-country
Here. Should be brother and me. You wouldn't say she took I
" My parents took my brother and I."
I enjoyed reading your chapter
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Hi, Gretchen. I hope you are well.
I like the bottom part of your notes where you say no fanstorians were injured in the making of this story
So, Hannah is the little girl and Helene is her mother. I didn't catch that right away.
I thought this was very humorous and that you let your hair down and I really like that. I could see your emotions even though this is not a real story. I could feel your fear I could hear your laughter.
Rachelle's fall was pretty funny too
This sounded just like it was two antique little old ladies driving cross-country
Here. Should be brother and me. You wouldn't say she took I
" My parents took my brother and I."
I enjoyed reading your chapter
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much, Pam. I'm so glad you got a kick out of this. Thank you for the edits, as well. Gretchen
