Comment from jojosug

Excellent

Everybody has a different version of hell, cancer pretty hellish, but dementia! I liked your story and the simple concise way you wrote it.

Jo

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you, Jo, for taking the time to read and review this flash fiction. Thanks for your kind comments.
Indy :>)

Comment from EllieKaye

Excellent

Hi Indy-
Oh! this is so sad! Yes, cancer can definitely be compared to hell. You did a fine job in presenting the feeling of one diagnosed. Your wording, especially that first paragraph, is lovely.

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you very much for this kind review, EllieKaye. I appreciate your taking the time to comment.
Thanks!
Indy :>)

Comment from kenorabug

Excellent

Very well written. I love the first line of your story, as well as... It's an equal opportunity invader who welcomes everyone with open arms. This couldn't be more true when speaking of cancer. You show compasion with your last line. Good luck with the contest.

Rachel

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you very much, Rachel, for taking the time to read and review this story. Your kind words are appreciated very much.
Thanks!
Indy :>)

Comment from L K Pinaire

Excellent

Nice work. I liked it. Unfortunately, I'm sure it's more common than anyone wants to think about. Best of luck to you.

Good writing,

Larry

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you LK Pinaire for taking the time to read and comment on this flash fiction.
Thanks!
Indy :>)

Comment from Allmine

Excellent

This is really good version of hell. I had an ovarian cancer scare about 2 years ago. Was hell going through all of the tests. Then, I got pregnant and had a miracle, so I guess it was God's way of telling me something. Good Luck

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and comments about this story, Allmine. From someone who has lived through this horror, I really appreciate your review. I'm glad your miracle came when it did.
Indy :>)

Comment from pixiemillie

Excellent

Good luck in the contest. This is clearly an excellent use of the 'Hell found me' and how you expound on attributes of hell.

'Hell knew where to find me, and it hung around just waiting for the right time to pounce.'

'All it took was one word, and it honed in on me like I was sending out a tracking signal. It didn't need an invitation,'

And the true 'Hell' in this write 'ovarian cancer'.

AND. . .

'Drug addiction, homelessness, hunger, alcoholism, poverty, and abuse are places it feels welcome, so it'll barge in and make itself at home. My hell? It demonstrates no bias for race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, or disability. It's an equal opportunity invader who welcomes everyone with open arms.'

Well written, succinct, excellent description of 'hell'. I hope this isn't the case for this writer of this post.

thank you. Nothing to note that needs any help from me.

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you for this very kind review, pixiemillie. I appreciate all your kind commemnts and I'm so thrilled you enjoyed it.
Smiles,
Indy :>)

Comment from Lynn27

Excellent

Hi Indy,

This is a great story. It kept me on the edge of my chair while I was reading. Full of raw emotions pouring out from your words.

You did a wonderful job,

Lynn

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you very much, Lynn, for this kind and encouraging review. Thanks for reading the story.
Indy :>)

Comment from Prof. Mom

Good

Nice. Good story -- just shy of the 300 word mark.

This is quite touching and would make a great piece if expanded. Could you explore more about the hell of cancer or about the regrets of dying early. I would want more voice from the character.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Hello Prof. Mom! Thank you for taking the time to read and review this flash fiction. I agree with you that this story would have been very easy to expand, but as a flash fiction, I wanted to keep it tight and brief. Sorry you didn't like the story as written and felt it needed more. I appreciate your comments and feedback.
Thanks!
Indy:>)

Comment from KYPollard/El Gato

Excellent

This is well written and follows the guidelines nicely. I found no errors while reading. It was my pleasure. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Hello El Gato! Thanks for taking the time to read this story and for your kind comments.
Thanks!
Indy :>)

Comment from LauraKatherine

Excellent

I like your idea about hell being ovarian cancer. I also liked how you personified hell as someone always looking for places to conquer, never demonstrating bias, easily finding someone to take the narrator's place.

I liked your metaphor of hell not needing a GPS, etc; nice extension in the next paragraph with the words "like I was sending out a tracking signal."

I looked for spag and didn't see any. (And I usually find at least one!)

Great work and good luck in the contest. Laura

 Comment Written 05-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 06-Jun-2009

Thank you very much, Laura, for taking the time to read and review this story and for your excellent comments. I'm delighted to have your feedback.
Smiles,
Indy :>)