Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Those Sad Brown Eyes"A book of a mixture of stories
60 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You really, really must get all these wonderful short stories published, Carol. I think they are brilliant. This one really got to me, I was with Jake, shouting for them to listen to him. We don't know what is going on behind someone else's closed door. Excellent writing, my friend, well done. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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You really, really must get all these wonderful short stories published, Carol. I think they are brilliant. This one really got to me, I was with Jake, shouting for them to listen to him. We don't know what is going on behind someone else's closed door. Excellent writing, my friend, well done. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Yes, after I get my story ready I will gather together the short ones and put them in a book as well. Glad you enjoyed this one too! Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from royowen
The boy's instincts were correct, usually with this type of story, it backfires, I think this is the first time an abduction has worked, and it's like a breath of fresh air to experience it. Well done, another great story from the fabulous dancing pen of Carol, my friend, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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The boy's instincts were correct, usually with this type of story, it backfires, I think this is the first time an abduction has worked, and it's like a breath of fresh air to experience it. Well done, another great story from the fabulous dancing pen of Carol, my friend, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read, enjoy and comment on my story. I appreciate your thoughts. Hugs, Carol
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Well done Carol
Comment from karenina
Another fine write! Stan surely is a strong character and his dogged determination and fine instinct was unwavering. Without his persistence the outcome would have been the all too familiar (in real life) report of yet another forever missing young lass...or the discovery of a body dumped, defiled before death.
Your spacing is a bit askew here... LOTS of distance between title and post...and again after post to the "strong character contest entry" notification. ("Evil Eddie" strikes again!)-- That's an easy fix for sure.
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In this sentence. Should the quote end in a question mark?:
" None of us had our own cars because, as my father so aptly put it, "There's nothing to drive to around here that you can't walk to, so why have a car."
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also, maybe it's me, but in this sentence:
"Okay, Jake, now I need you to remain calm for a few more minutes. I'm going out to my car and radio dispatch. See if they are having anything going on. I'll give them your description."
'See if they are having anything going on' sounds off. Maybe just a more direct>> SEE IF ANYTHING'S BEEN REPORTED<< ??
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Other than these miniscule suggestions everything about this story was tight and concise and tension filled and intriguing!
Ah! A world where people follow up on their instincts! How many lives could be saved if we all lived in a town like Wheaton???
Karenina
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2021
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Another fine write! Stan surely is a strong character and his dogged determination and fine instinct was unwavering. Without his persistence the outcome would have been the all too familiar (in real life) report of yet another forever missing young lass...or the discovery of a body dumped, defiled before death.
Your spacing is a bit askew here... LOTS of distance between title and post...and again after post to the "strong character contest entry" notification. ("Evil Eddie" strikes again!)-- That's an easy fix for sure.
--
In this sentence. Should the quote end in a question mark?:
" None of us had our own cars because, as my father so aptly put it, "There's nothing to drive to around here that you can't walk to, so why have a car."
--
also, maybe it's me, but in this sentence:
"Okay, Jake, now I need you to remain calm for a few more minutes. I'm going out to my car and radio dispatch. See if they are having anything going on. I'll give them your description."
'See if they are having anything going on' sounds off. Maybe just a more direct>> SEE IF ANYTHING'S BEEN REPORTED<< ??
--
Other than these miniscule suggestions everything about this story was tight and concise and tension filled and intriguing!
Ah! A world where people follow up on their instincts! How many lives could be saved if we all lived in a town like Wheaton???
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2021
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My sweet karenina, I am so ashamed that I have not responded to you or anyone else, thanking them for reading anything I have written. I hope that you and your husband are doing okay. You are in my thoughts all the time, and my heart goes without saying!
I've not been able to see Kaitlyn but from what I am told... She denies that anything is wrong at home or between her parents BUT... yes...BUT she does not want to go home and has asked the doctors if she could stay for a little while in Rosecrance (a juvenile group home). I am in "race-track warp" for worry and tired beyond words....which you, of course, can relate to as well.
I just wanted to thank you and let you know what's happening...
Smiles and hugs...Love ya, Carol
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Oh. Well that's a voice that ought to be listened to. I hope her request is honored. VERY brave of her to speak up! More than anything...her courage should be affirmed! No worries here, my friend. I have only compassion for you. Stay strong but take care of yourself, okay?--Karenina
Comment from Anne Johnston
I enjoyed your story very much. So many times, we are afraid of getting involved, even though we feel there is something wrong. Glad this young man persisted in getting help.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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I enjoyed your story very much. So many times, we are afraid of getting involved, even though we feel there is something wrong. Glad this young man persisted in getting help.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read, enjoy and comment on my story. I appreciate your thoughts. Hugs, Carol
Comment from Summer Falls
This was an amazing story, capturing me from the beginning. The imagery was so good, I saw this unfold on that movie screen in my head. (yep, I realize that sounds crazy--but I have a movie theatre up there--stocked with popcorn, and the airconditioning is never too high. lol)
I loved everything about this story. The mystery, emotions, descriptions, and actions were all well portrayed. The ending, where she mouthed, thank you was striking! It said so much in that scene, though there was no dialogue. I think both characters found peace in the end. I wouldn't change a thing. It is amazing as it stands, Carol. I can see why it placed in the contest!
Congrats!
Summer
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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This was an amazing story, capturing me from the beginning. The imagery was so good, I saw this unfold on that movie screen in my head. (yep, I realize that sounds crazy--but I have a movie theatre up there--stocked with popcorn, and the airconditioning is never too high. lol)
I loved everything about this story. The mystery, emotions, descriptions, and actions were all well portrayed. The ending, where she mouthed, thank you was striking! It said so much in that scene, though there was no dialogue. I think both characters found peace in the end. I wouldn't change a thing. It is amazing as it stands, Carol. I can see why it placed in the contest!
Congrats!
Summer
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Summer Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning. I love to write, but it's much more satisfying when others appreciate your work. Often on this site, I am confused by people's reviews. They will say they liked it, but give you three stars...without ever explaining why. Why always helps for next time.
You on the other hand with your popcorn and movie theater have more than thrilled me with the review. I guess I needed that little pick me up this morning and you were there to give it to me. Thanks my friend. Have a great day! Carol
Comment from lola29
Wish I had six stars to give. This, by far is the best story I've read. You are an amazingly prolific writer; one of my favorites. This story had all the ingredients for a number one hit. Best wishes in the contest and I truly hope you win.
Lola
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Wish I had six stars to give. This, by far is the best story I've read. You are an amazingly prolific writer; one of my favorites. This story had all the ingredients for a number one hit. Best wishes in the contest and I truly hope you win.
Lola
Comment Written 18-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Lola...
Your virtual stars and most generous words more than suffice for me. I am blessed that you appreciate my written word. Thank you for the kind and awesome review. Always, Carol
Comment from nightslasher
Can I just say I want to live in Wheaton, I have a strange affection for little towns like that. The story itself was fantastically written with an insight into a character that never even speaks a word and communicates entirely with her eyes through a gap in the curtins. Stunning.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Can I just say I want to live in Wheaton, I have a strange affection for little towns like that. The story itself was fantastically written with an insight into a character that never even speaks a word and communicates entirely with her eyes through a gap in the curtins. Stunning.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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nightslasher... Thank you so much for reading and understanding the connection between the two...eyes can speak volumes. I appreciate you kind words. Carol
Comment from Tellis
This is a very vivid and interesting story and I really enjoyed reading this well written tale. The description of the town kind of reminds me of my home town. LoL
Tellis
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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This is a very vivid and interesting story and I really enjoyed reading this well written tale. The description of the town kind of reminds me of my home town. LoL
Tellis
Comment Written 18-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Tellis...Small towns have a certain homey feel to them, and then on the other hand, everyone knows everything. Thanks for reading and commenting. Carol
Comment from Sarabran
This was an exciting and scary story about the kidnapped girl. And the bravery of the young man. He must have been her Angel in disguise that was there to protect her. I was so glad that it had a happy ending. Good work ! Good Luck in the writing contest ! Sarabran
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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This was an exciting and scary story about the kidnapped girl. And the bravery of the young man. He must have been her Angel in disguise that was there to protect her. I was so glad that it had a happy ending. Good work ! Good Luck in the writing contest ! Sarabran
Comment Written 18-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2009
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Sarabran...Thank you for reading, enjoying and commenting. I was glad for the happy ending too. In life, the ending is most often a sad and heartbreaking one. Thanks again Carol
Comment from perunest
A happy ending to what could have
turned out another way. I'm glad you
resolved the situation with a good outcome
for all. Good luck in the contest! Carolyn
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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A happy ending to what could have
turned out another way. I'm glad you
resolved the situation with a good outcome
for all. Good luck in the contest! Carolyn
Comment Written 17-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2009
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Carolyn..
Thanks so much for your kind review. Even though Jake still thinks about those sad eyes, he knows that she is safe. Nice way to end the story, Thanks again. Carol