A Night From Hell
A ride home takes a bad turn27 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Beth, you have written a compelling drama here that progresses from danger and high anxiety to an ending of peace and protection - you use detail well to build suspense and to convey her horror while in the car with that awful man and while running from him and the peace that comes over her with the dawn. This is extremely well written and kept me riveted. Brooke
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
  |
Beth, you have written a compelling drama here that progresses from danger and high anxiety to an ending of peace and protection - you use detail well to build suspense and to convey her horror while in the car with that awful man and while running from him and the peace that comes over her with the dawn. This is extremely well written and kept me riveted. Brooke
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
-
Thank you Brooke, I really appreciat those kind words. I'm so glad the story held your interest.
Beth
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Most excellent, Beth! And I'm not even a fan of the horror genre! This had me holding my breath and on the edge of my seat. Great writing. Not a spag in sight either!
Hugs
Kat
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
 |
Most excellent, Beth! And I'm not even a fan of the horror genre! This had me holding my breath and on the edge of my seat. Great writing. Not a spag in sight either!
Hugs
Kat
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
-
Kat, Thank you so much for the six star review. I'm not a fan of horror either but the guy in my writing group that gave me that first sentence to work with is. I didn't really want it to be horror but there wasn't any other catagory that would fit.
Comment from fictionwriter
What a great little story. I believe that somewhere is one word, and you had he produced the knife from some where. Other than that, great job.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
What a great little story. I believe that somewhere is one word, and you had he produced the knife from some where. Other than that, great job.
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Thank you so much for the review and nice comment. I also appreciate that you picked up on the spag. I'm glad you liked it.
Beth
Comment from Realist101
Hi Beth! THIS was great! I was thoroughly entranced, I do wish you had elaborated a bit more about what the flying things had been, I take it, that they had been her imagination, from the fear of what had happened? She was a country girl? and should/maybe not been so afraid of the woods? Just an observation, this really is a good and very entertaining tale, I LOVE this style!! :) Susan
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
Hi Beth! THIS was great! I was thoroughly entranced, I do wish you had elaborated a bit more about what the flying things had been, I take it, that they had been her imagination, from the fear of what had happened? She was a country girl? and should/maybe not been so afraid of the woods? Just an observation, this really is a good and very entertaining tale, I LOVE this style!! :) Susan
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Thank you so much Susan for the lovely review and comments. As to the flying things, as I explained in my author notes, this sentence came from the imagination of one of the guys in my writing group. I had no idea what to do with it. I thought of luna moths but of course the whispering evil things had to be her imagination. If I'd been writing Science Fiction, maybe I could have come up with something but I doubt if anything natural would have wings colored like the description. LOL
Beth
Comment from Mrs Jones
Well done Beth. I enjoyed the story. The suspense is great. No errors as far as I can see. I have been offline for weeks. Nice to be back.
Keep writing
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
Well done Beth. I enjoyed the story. The suspense is great. No errors as far as I can see. I have been offline for weeks. Nice to be back.
Keep writing
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Thank you so much for the lovely review. I've been offline for a month myself. I had a computer virus and company from April 1 until May 5. Unfortunately in June and July my company will return. It is hard to write with guests in the house.
Beth
Comment from AlvinTEthington
You describe horror quite well. This brought back (cathartic) memories of when I was gay bashed on my thirty-third birthday. I know the fear (instead of switchblades, I was kicked with jackboots.) My senses became heightened of everything around me, just as yours did. Luckily, I escaped, too. If you can cause that kind of anamnestic reaction in a reader, you have done well as a writer.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
You describe horror quite well. This brought back (cathartic) memories of when I was gay bashed on my thirty-third birthday. I know the fear (instead of switchblades, I was kicked with jackboots.) My senses became heightened of everything around me, just as yours did. Luckily, I escaped, too. If you can cause that kind of anamnestic reaction in a reader, you have done well as a writer.
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Wow! Alvin, thank you so much for the six stars. What a horrible experience that must have been for you. Some people out there are pure evil and others think they much destroy anything they don't understand. You are fortunate to have escaped. Many have not been so lucky. My story was fiction. I'm sorry to have triggered bad memories but I guess it is the writer's aim to move the reader in some way.
Beth
-
Unfortunately, that's only the beginning of it. I have received death threats since I was fifteen. But I see it was all worth it now. Gay people are now an accepted part of society. You deserved the six stars.
Comment from Sharesy
This was a great read, Beth. it could easily be expanded into a book. Those flying creatures sounded interesting. Well done. Just a couple of little spags, easily fixed.
Miranda found the city [terrifing.]- terrifying
We can do this (the) hard way(,) if that('s) what you want. I'll teach you to say 'no' to me."
best regards,
sharesy
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
This was a great read, Beth. it could easily be expanded into a book. Those flying creatures sounded interesting. Well done. Just a couple of little spags, easily fixed.
Miranda found the city [terrifing.]- terrifying
We can do this (the) hard way(,) if that('s) what you want. I'll teach you to say 'no' to me."
best regards,
sharesy
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Thank you so much Sharesy. I really appreciate the comments and help with the spags. I've been tied up a over a month with company and computer problems. It's good to know you are still there for me.
Beth
-
I enjoy your work, Beth.It's enjoyable reading.
regards,
sharesy
Comment from Rama Rao
A simple story written in an excellent style. It had me riveted and made fine reading. You're a master story teller, and you have a way with words.
However, I noticed two-
We can do it the hard way if that is what you want.
Hell-hell.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
A simple story written in an excellent style. It had me riveted and made fine reading. You're a master story teller, and you have a way with words.
However, I noticed two-
We can do it the hard way if that is what you want.
Hell-hell.
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Thank you Ramarao. I appreciate the review and comments. I fixed the first spag you caught but I wasn't sure about hell. I have to look it up. It is a proper name for a place, real or otherwise. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Beth
-
I checked up the Chicago manual of style before giving my comment.
-
You are probably right. I checked a number of differ sources on language and found this is considered a gray area. Some said yes when it refers to a place and other said no. In most all other cases the name of a place is considered a proper noun and is captalized so it seemed logical to me.
Comment from patmedium
Hello, Beth... this is great. A strong, atmospheric write... thoroughly enjoyed by this reader. I like the way you finished on such an upbeat note. Pat.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
Hello, Beth... this is great. A strong, atmospheric write... thoroughly enjoyed by this reader. I like the way you finished on such an upbeat note. Pat.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Thank you so much Pat, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I also glad to find you name among my reviewers.
Beth
-
Memorable piece of work. Pat.
Comment from Jnetgame
Great story. I'm glad you included your author notes. The only sentence that I felt was awkward/too long was the one furnished by your writing group. This story held my interest from start to finish.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
|
Great story. I'm glad you included your author notes. The only sentence that I felt was awkward/too long was the one furnished by your writing group. This story held my interest from start to finish.
Comment Written 09-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
-
Thank you so much for the review and the nice comments. I agree the first sentence is long and awkward. I probably should change it for fanstory even though I had to leave it as is for my writer's group.
Beth