Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Well that should get the brushes into action all right! Just the kind of humour that appeals to children and the poem has a great rhythm for reading aloud. I was always told not to swallow grape pips or else I'd have vines growing out of my ears! Gave me nightmares for years!

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014

Thanks, Tony.

I have never been sure why parents spread that nonsense about seeds and pips...

Steve

Comment from Treischel

Excellent

Excellent story with a good message using very colorful poetic imagery for full impact. It would scare me into brushing every day for sure. Nice rhythm and rhyme. Very clever. Well done.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thank you!

Comment from Carole Rosa

Excellent

To the author of Tommy Who Wouldn't Brush His Teeth. Hilarious! This is just too funny for words. I'm going to print it and give it to my eight-year-old grandson to read. You've got my vote. Carole

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Carole!

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

That should get it done, poet. Kids will be buying tooth brushes by the score. Still laughing about this one. Well done. Shalom to all.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Ben!

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This is a fun poem that should scare a kid into brushing his/her teeth. The hyperbole builds as Tommy's mouth becomes a botany project. I think a kid would get a kick out of this.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Bill - more for a laugh than serious motivation.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

HAHAHAHA! Eeewww - yuck! If this poem is supposed to motivate kids to brush their teeth, I'm afraid it might accomplish the opposite because it's just too much fun being described in Tommy's mouth! LOL

Best of luck with this adorably icky poem. :)

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Dawn. Kids love icky of course...

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Poor Tommy Pom....the tooth will set him free.....not....if he had used a brush ....if only........I like your incidental tale.....do you remember Rapunzel where the prince fell on thorns and they poked his eyes out.....now that was a fairy tale...spooked me for years....
Good poem ..made me chortle
God bless

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Jenny - that's what I mean - the old fairy tales nearly all had gruesome portions...

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

We had all that, too, ours was called the bogeyman! Or, we were told, your teeth will fall out. This was a super poem, with excellent rhyming and choice of words. Great humour, fun read and good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Faye!

Comment from bob cullen

Excellent

Humour and poetry, what an awesome combination when it works. And here it did.

The rhyme was great and the story sold itself. I'd call it a dental masterpiece.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Thanks, Bob!

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Exceptional

I'm impressed with the craftsmanship: pristine rhymes and meter, but no more so than the cleverly told story and the poetics that make it a great read. And funny. Motivational? --yeah like Copenhagen. Look out for the Dept. of families and services. Kenny

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Is Copenhagen supposed to be motivational? You lost me there, but thanks for the great review and the six stars!

Steve

reply by Kenneth Schaal on 15-Jun-2014

Senior moment. A plug of that stuff would be motivation to never use it again.

reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014

Got you now - you're talking about tobacco, not the city...