FAMILY TIES.
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 " Diwali Family Festival ""ALL IN THE FAMILY."
71 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
You've certainly caught the festive atmosphere with this one! The pace and excitement are emphasised through your word choices and the way that you have used alliteration and internal rhyme.
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You've certainly caught the festive atmosphere with this one! The pace and excitement are emphasised through your word choices and the way that you have used alliteration and internal rhyme.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Lady Jane
with firework(s) lights. - I'd revise to either:
with firework's lights or with firework lights
Our hosts are diligent, Our dishes are set. - I'd revise to either
Our hosts are diligent(,) our dishes are set -or-
Our hosts are diligent(.) Our dishes are set
YOU'RE ALL FAMILY(.) YOU ALL HAVE YOUR RIGHTS. - I'd put a period here instead of a comma as it is all in caps :)
Come share our Hindu Festival(,)of Diwali Feast And Lights. - I'd remove the comma in this sentence
What an inspiring invitation, dear Rhonnie. Rhyme is smartly presented, image and invitation are crafted well and perfect to the prompt, and the pace, simplicity of the beseeching was honorable and smart! Well done with this entry. Just a few nits I pointed out above and you'll have a strong contender for sure :) Good luck, dear.
Janelle
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with firework(s) lights. - I'd revise to either:
with firework's lights or with firework lights
Our hosts are diligent, Our dishes are set. - I'd revise to either
Our hosts are diligent(,) our dishes are set -or-
Our hosts are diligent(.) Our dishes are set
YOU'RE ALL FAMILY(.) YOU ALL HAVE YOUR RIGHTS. - I'd put a period here instead of a comma as it is all in caps :)
Come share our Hindu Festival(,)of Diwali Feast And Lights. - I'd remove the comma in this sentence
What an inspiring invitation, dear Rhonnie. Rhyme is smartly presented, image and invitation are crafted well and perfect to the prompt, and the pace, simplicity of the beseeching was honorable and smart! Well done with this entry. Just a few nits I pointed out above and you'll have a strong contender for sure :) Good luck, dear.
Janelle
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image, Rhonnie69.
-Your note is appreciated.
-Good imagery and rhyme that
create a flow for your poem.
-The mood is festive, and
all seem welcome to
join in the celebration.
-Thanks for sharing.
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-Very nice image, Rhonnie69.
-Your note is appreciated.
-Good imagery and rhyme that
create a flow for your poem.
-The mood is festive, and
all seem welcome to
join in the celebration.
-Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonnie,
This is an excellent poem in nicely rhymed couplets
The Diwali Festival sounds wonderful
a festival of delicious food and lights
with a long, rich history going back four thousand years
Sounds like great fun.
I enjoyed your reading your poem
Robert
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Hello Rhonnie,
This is an excellent poem in nicely rhymed couplets
The Diwali Festival sounds wonderful
a festival of delicious food and lights
with a long, rich history going back four thousand years
Sounds like great fun.
I enjoyed your reading your poem
Robert
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Adri7enne
I'm not familiar with the Festival of lights, but it sounds like it might be fun. A reason to get together with friends and enjoy a meal and upbeat conversation. And lots of lights. You make it seem like lots of fun. Good luck in the contest.
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I'm not familiar with the Festival of lights, but it sounds like it might be fun. A reason to get together with friends and enjoy a meal and upbeat conversation. And lots of lights. You make it seem like lots of fun. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A delightful celebration here and congratulations on your win, all the fun of the fireworks, food and festive mood is included in your happy poem Rhonnie, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
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A delightful celebration here and congratulations on your win, all the fun of the fireworks, food and festive mood is included in your happy poem Rhonnie, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
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HELLO DOLLY: I haven't heard from you in a while, my dear pen-pal friend. As usual...It's good to hear from you. Thank you for your viewing and complements on my poem. Thank you for the stars. Here's hoping that I'll be hearing from you more often. I've missed you, Dolly. God bless you and yours. Cordially: rhonnie69.
Comment from kiwijenny
Beautiful and well worth the kudos and contest win. Well done. I love everyone is invited to celebrate
You're all family...I love that and feel that too
God bless. Well penned poem
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Beautiful and well worth the kudos and contest win. Well done. I love everyone is invited to celebrate
You're all family...I love that and feel that too
God bless. Well penned poem
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Ogden
Congratulations, Rhonnie, on your excellent poem and first-place finish!
There are two lines you might want to smooth out, one of them to correct the syntax.
Every mother's child (singular) have taken their places (plural), revise to: All the celebrants have taken their places
Every feeding before us; "Ummm! ... just fine." (a bit awkward),revise to: All the food before us, is "Ummm! ... just fine."
Kudos again for your achievement!
Don
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Congratulations, Rhonnie, on your excellent poem and first-place finish!
There are two lines you might want to smooth out, one of them to correct the syntax.
Every mother's child (singular) have taken their places (plural), revise to: All the celebrants have taken their places
Every feeding before us; "Ummm! ... just fine." (a bit awkward),revise to: All the food before us, is "Ummm! ... just fine."
Kudos again for your achievement!
Don
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from RGstar
I know of this festival, have been invited many times to some festivities and customs. One of My brother has an Indian wife.
A lot of imagery here with much info.
Good to read.
My best wishes.
RGstar
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I know of this festival, have been invited many times to some festivities and customs. One of My brother has an Indian wife.
A lot of imagery here with much info.
Good to read.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for sharing about Diwali. It sounds like a happy family celebration like Christmas with all the lights and the feasting and family time. I just can't predict when it happens as sometimes it's near Halloween and sometimes near Christmas.
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Thanks for sharing about Diwali. It sounds like a happy family celebration like Christmas with all the lights and the feasting and family time. I just can't predict when it happens as sometimes it's near Halloween and sometimes near Christmas.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2018