Conflict
A loop poem22 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A clever loop poem which is not easy to achieve and your words are well chosen and have something profound to say, togetherness can quell the conflict, wise words, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
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A clever loop poem which is not easy to achieve and your words are well chosen and have something profound to say, togetherness can quell the conflict, wise words, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much for your very encouraging review****kahpot
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow, a great poem that is a loop poem & acrostic, although entered as a loop poem, kahpot. Your lines flow well, the rhyme scheme is adhered to, the picture is appropriate, &your message is strong & clear. You give readers much to think about. I like the positive ending. Good job & best wishes in the contest. Jan
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
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Wow, a great poem that is a loop poem & acrostic, although entered as a loop poem, kahpot. Your lines flow well, the rhyme scheme is adhered to, the picture is appropriate, &your message is strong & clear. You give readers much to think about. I like the positive ending. Good job & best wishes in the contest. Jan
Comment Written 16-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
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MANY Thanks for a very positive and encouraging review, in case you are wondering I did have some help****kahpot
Comment from Pamusart
Hi kahpot. Your meter is progressing nicely. I used to write in pentameter anapesic as you do here. Pentameter means ten syllables per line. Anapesic means two unstressed syllables in a row. Keep that in mind during this discussion. You are doing very well and it is my pleasure to help.
Dolly of Dolly'sPoems writes in iambic pentameter. Iambic means every other syllable is stressed (accent on that syllable). Many words are always stressed like bell, head and others. It is very rare to see good poetry where two stressed syllables in a row. I have been using iambic tetrameter. Eight syllables per line.
"I watch the babbling brook below". Say it out loud. The stressed syllables are watch, Babb, brook and low. Hear it? Now let's get to your poem. It is fine not to be iambic. But you should strive to have the same order of unstressed and stressed syllables on each line for it to be perfect meter.
"Oceans that reach all the world nations
Nations now fighting for misunderstood faith
Faith we have sailed to all our locations
Locations divided with prayers individual "
Ok the first line
"Oceans that reach all the world nations"
It is amnapesic. O in oceans is stressed and ceans is unstressed. Reach is almost always stressed. So that is unstressed. Two unstressed in a row. Ceans and that. All is usually stressed as well. But it is one of those words that can be either stressed or unstressed. But three unstressed in a row is not usually done. World and nations are two stressed in a row. Again not perfect but fine. So for this line you have (s=stressed; u=unstressed)
s-u-u-s-s-u-s-s-u. This line is also only nine syllables. Compare that to your first line which is
s-u-u-s-u-s-u-u-s-u. See the difference? The second line should be ten syllables.
I know not all lines in this poem are ten syllables. I am just showing you the concept of meter. This seems like a good entry for the contest. Good luck in it. Thank you for sharing
"Conflict has bloodied all of our oceans"
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Hi kahpot. Your meter is progressing nicely. I used to write in pentameter anapesic as you do here. Pentameter means ten syllables per line. Anapesic means two unstressed syllables in a row. Keep that in mind during this discussion. You are doing very well and it is my pleasure to help.
Dolly of Dolly'sPoems writes in iambic pentameter. Iambic means every other syllable is stressed (accent on that syllable). Many words are always stressed like bell, head and others. It is very rare to see good poetry where two stressed syllables in a row. I have been using iambic tetrameter. Eight syllables per line.
"I watch the babbling brook below". Say it out loud. The stressed syllables are watch, Babb, brook and low. Hear it? Now let's get to your poem. It is fine not to be iambic. But you should strive to have the same order of unstressed and stressed syllables on each line for it to be perfect meter.
"Oceans that reach all the world nations
Nations now fighting for misunderstood faith
Faith we have sailed to all our locations
Locations divided with prayers individual "
Ok the first line
"Oceans that reach all the world nations"
It is amnapesic. O in oceans is stressed and ceans is unstressed. Reach is almost always stressed. So that is unstressed. Two unstressed in a row. Ceans and that. All is usually stressed as well. But it is one of those words that can be either stressed or unstressed. But three unstressed in a row is not usually done. World and nations are two stressed in a row. Again not perfect but fine. So for this line you have (s=stressed; u=unstressed)
s-u-u-s-s-u-s-s-u. This line is also only nine syllables. Compare that to your first line which is
s-u-u-s-u-s-u-u-s-u. See the difference? The second line should be ten syllables.
I know not all lines in this poem are ten syllables. I am just showing you the concept of meter. This seems like a good entry for the contest. Good luck in it. Thank you for sharing
"Conflict has bloodied all of our oceans"
Comment Written 16-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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I have now written all this down writing it down helps for it to sink in, thank you very much for such help and understanding, I will reward this when I am able, many thanks****kahpot
Comment from country ranch writer
Until man can learn to get along there will be no real harmony amongst nations in the world. Conflicts seem to create the hate in a mans soul and unrest in others.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
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Until man can learn to get along there will be no real harmony amongst nations in the world. Conflicts seem to create the hate in a mans soul and unrest in others.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
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Exactly and thank you very much****kahpot
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smiles
Comment from Jesse James Doty
You have accomplished a very good loop poem. Those are extremely hard to do. Not only have you done a good job with the style, but your insightful and thought-provoking rhetoric is fascinating. Although it doesn't flow as much as I'd like, I still like the sentiment of your last line. "Together we'll float drowning all conflict." Let us hope so! You call this "Self Improvement Poetry," the piece seems to be pointed outward toward your readers. Not that I knock it. I like what you have to say. and you say it in such an unusual way. Thanks for encouraging me to think.
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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You have accomplished a very good loop poem. Those are extremely hard to do. Not only have you done a good job with the style, but your insightful and thought-provoking rhetoric is fascinating. Although it doesn't flow as much as I'd like, I still like the sentiment of your last line. "Together we'll float drowning all conflict." Let us hope so! You call this "Self Improvement Poetry," the piece seems to be pointed outward toward your readers. Not that I knock it. I like what you have to say. and you say it in such an unusual way. Thanks for encouraging me to think.
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 16-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much, I took the self-improvement part as I am trying to write different forms ( self-improvement for me) but now I think about it differently, many thanks for this wonderful and encouraging review****kahpot
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You're very welcome.
Jesse
Comment from meeshu
a very good loop poem, these are hard to write, I know. you written a good one here, though. I think it should do well in the contest. nice, Kahpot..........meeshu
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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a very good loop poem, these are hard to write, I know. you written a good one here, though. I think it should do well in the contest. nice, Kahpot..........meeshu
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much, a very encouraging review****kahpot
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Loop poems to me seem relatively contrived, but you've taken this one and really delivered a powerful message! :) :) Great job! You take a bloody beginning and finish with a floating end....awesome!
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest! :)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Loop poems to me seem relatively contrived, but you've taken this one and really delivered a powerful message! :) :) Great job! You take a bloody beginning and finish with a floating end....awesome!
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest! :)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much for your wonderful review****kahpot
Comment from donette1914
very powerful thought with deep emotions
I hope for the best in the contest
thank you for sharing this is a well-penned work you had made
i like the artwork and how creative you are
it was a pleasure
donette1914 Aug 15 2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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very powerful thought with deep emotions
I hope for the best in the contest
thank you for sharing this is a well-penned work you had made
i like the artwork and how creative you are
it was a pleasure
donette1914 Aug 15 2018
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much for your very encouraging review****kahpot
Comment from Lady Jane
Love the image and imagery. The flow of the loop is smooth and technical. And, might I add, has an excellent message. Well done, Kahpot. I found no errors in this well perfectly conceived write. Good luck in the contest, you :)
Janelle
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Love the image and imagery. The flow of the loop is smooth and technical. And, might I add, has an excellent message. Well done, Kahpot. I found no errors in this well perfectly conceived write. Good luck in the contest, you :)
Janelle
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much and as always very encouraging many thanks****kahpot
Comment from Gloria ....
Cute picture, and I must agree there's a whole lotta not listening going on.
And the fantastic and looped together the starting word and finishing word.
Excellent loop poem and much good luck to you in the contest.
Gloria
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Cute picture, and I must agree there's a whole lotta not listening going on.
And the fantastic and looped together the starting word and finishing word.
Excellent loop poem and much good luck to you in the contest.
Gloria
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much, as always very encouraging****kahpot