Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Winds of Change"A book of Poetry & Writing
251 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi deepwater,
This is a lovely poem and one I enjoyed. However, you have some issues that need looking at. I did check your reviews and see that these have already been addressed so I won't do it again. I really like the theme and when you make the suggested changes please let me know so I can raise my score. chey
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Hi deepwater,
This is a lovely poem and one I enjoyed. However, you have some issues that need looking at. I did check your reviews and see that these have already been addressed so I won't do it again. I really like the theme and when you make the suggested changes please let me know so I can raise my score. chey
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from IanC
This poem is wonderful when read out loud. There is a nice flow with nice concise ideas. The love you speak of is obvious and true. Well done. Blessings, Ian
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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This poem is wonderful when read out loud. There is a nice flow with nice concise ideas. The love you speak of is obvious and true. Well done. Blessings, Ian
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thanks Ian
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
You have some great lines in
this free verse, so touching
and romantic.
The only line that didn't quite make sense to me -
Like ripples betraying still waters, will you stay with me?
Maybe I'm misunderstanding.
Otherwise, a great read.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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You have some great lines in
this free verse, so touching
and romantic.
The only line that didn't quite make sense to me -
Like ripples betraying still waters, will you stay with me?
Maybe I'm misunderstanding.
Otherwise, a great read.
Margaret.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from Frozen Fire
This is a wonderful example of how loving and losing changes our way of thinking the next time around. This piece has great structure, wording, and a legitimate concern. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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This is a wonderful example of how loving and losing changes our way of thinking the next time around. This piece has great structure, wording, and a legitimate concern. Nicely done!
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from wierdgrace
Wow this is so emotional and so well written, flowed smoothly and tells so much, and its great, I loved it, word by word, the structure strong, the image firm, thank you for sharing your emotions.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Wow this is so emotional and so well written, flowed smoothly and tells so much, and its great, I loved it, word by word, the structure strong, the image firm, thank you for sharing your emotions.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from FredCollingwood
Bring that pen on the tractor with you. You should have been writing all these years. This is great. It has a message written with emotion. Excellent.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Bring that pen on the tractor with you. You should have been writing all these years. This is great. It has a message written with emotion. Excellent.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Thank you Fred for your review, this is my first year to write and from some of the comments i'm getting it may be my last, i did come on this site to have fun
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Don't give up. It's better than many on the site. Not as good as some of the very skilled poets.
Comment from rama devi
This is a good poem about the theme of uncertainty in new love. Nice imagery and simile. Good phrasing. Good presentation with artwork.
Tone, pace and theme are well matched.
There are two areas that need work in my opinion. 1) SPAG issues. 2) Spacing---having every line double spaced with no separate stanzas gives it a flat flow, if you know what I mean. One of the most potent tools in a poet's palette is to use spacing and line breaks to give dramatic pause between lines, highlighting and emphasizing some lines (if desired).
In this review, I'll focus on spag issues since there are many--You pose a lot of questions but only sometimes use question marks, and not always in the appropriate location.
I see your reflection so warm upon waters so still and tranquil,
Are you:(o colon here) my love, my life, my soul mate? Or do I dare to dream,(?)
Can we stand hand in hand at peace with the understanding of time in this moonlight.(?)
Or will the cold winds of change blow upon our earthly spirits,(?)
Would this change our intimacy,(no ,) to the discomfort of being apart,
Like ripples betraying still waters,(?) will you stay with me? (no ?)
Or run for the shelter of the near shores,
That voice always calling your name. (?)
If I dare show you my heart, will you cherish the passion it would bring. (,)
Or slowly destroy the life within with promises that will never be, (?)
When I fall(,) will you extend your inner spirit to catch my worthlessness,
Or cast me aside to be forgotten,
Only to replenish yourself with the next winds of change, (?)
Fear and anxiety that love will not last is a way of blocking the love itself. Fear adn love are polar opposites. Only when there is trust is love real and lasts. These are the thoughts your poem leads me to.
One more suggestion--I see your reflection so warm upon waters so still and tranquil,
the word SO used twice in one line weakens the line. I recommend removing at least one of them.
This is a beautiful poem and sounds good read aloud. It just needs work on the issues noted above.
Do let me know if you make changes on spag issues.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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This is a good poem about the theme of uncertainty in new love. Nice imagery and simile. Good phrasing. Good presentation with artwork.
Tone, pace and theme are well matched.
There are two areas that need work in my opinion. 1) SPAG issues. 2) Spacing---having every line double spaced with no separate stanzas gives it a flat flow, if you know what I mean. One of the most potent tools in a poet's palette is to use spacing and line breaks to give dramatic pause between lines, highlighting and emphasizing some lines (if desired).
In this review, I'll focus on spag issues since there are many--You pose a lot of questions but only sometimes use question marks, and not always in the appropriate location.
I see your reflection so warm upon waters so still and tranquil,
Are you:(o colon here) my love, my life, my soul mate? Or do I dare to dream,(?)
Can we stand hand in hand at peace with the understanding of time in this moonlight.(?)
Or will the cold winds of change blow upon our earthly spirits,(?)
Would this change our intimacy,(no ,) to the discomfort of being apart,
Like ripples betraying still waters,(?) will you stay with me? (no ?)
Or run for the shelter of the near shores,
That voice always calling your name. (?)
If I dare show you my heart, will you cherish the passion it would bring. (,)
Or slowly destroy the life within with promises that will never be, (?)
When I fall(,) will you extend your inner spirit to catch my worthlessness,
Or cast me aside to be forgotten,
Only to replenish yourself with the next winds of change, (?)
Fear and anxiety that love will not last is a way of blocking the love itself. Fear adn love are polar opposites. Only when there is trust is love real and lasts. These are the thoughts your poem leads me to.
One more suggestion--I see your reflection so warm upon waters so still and tranquil,
the word SO used twice in one line weakens the line. I recommend removing at least one of them.
This is a beautiful poem and sounds good read aloud. It just needs work on the issues noted above.
Do let me know if you make changes on spag issues.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment from Dall
I just wanted to close my eyes and imagine this... Things do change about as frequently as the wind. This was nice, it made you feel a longing. I enjoyed it very much!
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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I just wanted to close my eyes and imagine this... Things do change about as frequently as the wind. This was nice, it made you feel a longing. I enjoyed it very much!
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Thank you
Comment from Valkarie
I like this because...It sends out a message to all who read this piece of prose. Its artistic and concise and a powerful piece with an intriguing an emotional expression which is quite complex. Your words flow so eloquently making this piece into an elegant and immensely good piece of writing.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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I like this because...It sends out a message to all who read this piece of prose. Its artistic and concise and a powerful piece with an intriguing an emotional expression which is quite complex. Your words flow so eloquently making this piece into an elegant and immensely good piece of writing.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from Amicus
This is a splendid depiction of the inner thoughts and doubts of one about to bare his soul and commit to another who he hopes but cannot be sure will stick by him. The monologue is credible, romantic and moving. The poem is well constructed and flows smoothly in free verse that conveys both the narrator's longing for and doubts about the potential for the future of this couple.
I enjoyed reading this original voice. Good job.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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This is a splendid depiction of the inner thoughts and doubts of one about to bare his soul and commit to another who he hopes but cannot be sure will stick by him. The monologue is credible, romantic and moving. The poem is well constructed and flows smoothly in free verse that conveys both the narrator's longing for and doubts about the potential for the future of this couple.
I enjoyed reading this original voice. Good job.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you
