Little ones
Viewing comments for Prologue "cocoon-life"5/7/5 poems
265 total reviews
Comment from Louise Michelle
I'm so glad you posted the author's notes because it adds to the depth of the poem. These short, shorts are supposed to pack a lot of meaning and you have done that. Nicely done, Lou
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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I'm so glad you posted the author's notes because it adds to the depth of the poem. These short, shorts are supposed to pack a lot of meaning and you have done that. Nicely done, Lou
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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For me,it was essential to put the notes.though anyone is free to have his own perception,yet reader should know what poet has visualised.
Your words will help.thanks for your share of thoughts:-)
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For me,it was essential to put the notes.though anyone is free to have his own perception,yet reader should know what poet has visualised.
Your words will help.thanks for your share of thoughts:-)
Comment from sunnilicious
That is such a natural photograph. Nice colors captured. Good poem. You met the syllable count requirement. Nicely done. Great work.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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That is such a natural photograph. Nice colors captured. Good poem. You met the syllable count requirement. Nicely done. Great work.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2013
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I appreciate your words.thanks a lot for sharing them:-)
Comment from Tina McKala
Very nice imagery proved in this 5-7-5. For the first attempt it's really awesome. Keep it up and follow this direction :) structure was perfect and the image you've painted engaging.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Very nice imagery proved in this 5-7-5. For the first attempt it's really awesome. Keep it up and follow this direction :) structure was perfect and the image you've painted engaging.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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I will keep it in mind.thanks for your time and sharing your views:-)
Comment from ravenblack
Like what you are trying to say, just only fully understood it in the author notes. For a 5-7-5, you should try to have 3 distinct lines, not yet, comma.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Like what you are trying to say, just only fully understood it in the author notes. For a 5-7-5, you should try to have 3 distinct lines, not yet, comma.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Ok.i will look into it.thanks for your time and views:-)
Comment from Cedar
According to the announcement, you have entered a 5-7-5 contest. 5-7-5 poems are the same as haikus and senryus as far as the syllable count goes, but that's it. Haikus pertain to mother nature and senryus pertain to human nature. A regular 5-7-5, such as this contest, can be about "any" subject. For an explanation of the different styles of poetry, click on "home" in upper left corner, then click on "poetry dances". Good luck and welcome. Bill
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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According to the announcement, you have entered a 5-7-5 contest. 5-7-5 poems are the same as haikus and senryus as far as the syllable count goes, but that's it. Haikus pertain to mother nature and senryus pertain to human nature. A regular 5-7-5, such as this contest, can be about "any" subject. For an explanation of the different styles of poetry, click on "home" in upper left corner, then click on "poetry dances". Good luck and welcome. Bill
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Thanks for the guidance.it will help for sure
Comment from dmt1967
This is a good poem my friend it is a good 5-7-5 poem its short but it makes sense very nice picture as well good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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This is a good poem my friend it is a good 5-7-5 poem its short but it makes sense very nice picture as well good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review:-).
Comment from Treischel
A nicely done 5-7-5 formatted poem that conveys the protection offered by the cocoon. This form is expressive without all the structure of a true Japanese Haiku, or Senryu. Your poem gives an interesting perspective from within the cocoon. Can the caterpillar sense or see the moon through protective membrane and imagine the world while it is being transformed? An intriguing thought.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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A nicely done 5-7-5 formatted poem that conveys the protection offered by the cocoon. This form is expressive without all the structure of a true Japanese Haiku, or Senryu. Your poem gives an interesting perspective from within the cocoon. Can the caterpillar sense or see the moon through protective membrane and imagine the world while it is being transformed? An intriguing thought.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Firstly,thanks for your sharing your kind views:-).
In answer to the question raised by you,i want to point out that caterpillar is symbolic of our childhood and the cocoon is the veil which hides the realities of harsh world.its transluscent nature gives out an idealised version of world,but reality is in stark contrast
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Yup, I got all that, along with the thought of being impatient to grow up with childish perspectives derived from within the cocoon. Thus the question about the moon as a metaphor for that perception.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a lovely piece which inspires the feeling of resigned patience when waiting for true transformation to occur. It is always amazing to me at how much can be said in just a few words and you have done a masterful job in this verse. Thank you for sharing it with me.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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This is a lovely piece which inspires the feeling of resigned patience when waiting for true transformation to occur. It is always amazing to me at how much can be said in just a few words and you have done a masterful job in this verse. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Thanks for taking time out to read it.your words are really encouraging.they will boost up my spirit:-)
Comment from Debra White
Hi :) Nice 5-7-5 with great thinking behind it.
Your author notes are very true, life isn't always as rosy as we dream it will be when we finally get our wings to fly... It would be very nice to climb back into our cocoon once in a while!
I enjoy the echoed sounds in moon and cocoon. Perfect syllable count... Good luck in the contest :) Debra
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Hi :) Nice 5-7-5 with great thinking behind it.
Your author notes are very true, life isn't always as rosy as we dream it will be when we finally get our wings to fly... It would be very nice to climb back into our cocoon once in a while!
I enjoy the echoed sounds in moon and cocoon. Perfect syllable count... Good luck in the contest :) Debra
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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I was sure what i had to write about,but to put in the requisite format,it took time.with the feedbacks that i have received so far,i will definitle strive for next level.thanks for the view and good luck
with affection:-)
as
Comment from chasennov
'Cocoon Life.' Your 5-7-5 poem is a good attempt, and you will probably get a few points in a contest. But you have to be aware of what you write though: Your sentences must, apart from conforming to the 5-7-5 count, be extremely relative to it's own events. I also read the other poem you wrote about two years ago. It appears that you mix your rhyming sequence. This means that you try to rhyme words which does not make any sense. Try first to make sense of your story, then follow a rhyming pattern like this:
I AM GOING TO TOWN,
TO SEE A FUNNY CLOWN,
I WLL ASK HIM TO BE,
IN A CIRCUS WITH ME.
You're telling the story which makes sense, and you are following a very strong rhyming pattern. This is an AABB pattern. Next comes the RHYTHM. This means you have to balance your rhyming with your rhythm. Say it out loud and count the syllables at the same time. You have six syllables in each line of the Stanza. Practice this piece with words of your own choice, and always say it out loud. I hope this helps you. Should you need any more help, just come back to me. Kind regards.
I will give you five stars for this poem just because you made no mistakes.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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'Cocoon Life.' Your 5-7-5 poem is a good attempt, and you will probably get a few points in a contest. But you have to be aware of what you write though: Your sentences must, apart from conforming to the 5-7-5 count, be extremely relative to it's own events. I also read the other poem you wrote about two years ago. It appears that you mix your rhyming sequence. This means that you try to rhyme words which does not make any sense. Try first to make sense of your story, then follow a rhyming pattern like this:
I AM GOING TO TOWN,
TO SEE A FUNNY CLOWN,
I WLL ASK HIM TO BE,
IN A CIRCUS WITH ME.
You're telling the story which makes sense, and you are following a very strong rhyming pattern. This is an AABB pattern. Next comes the RHYTHM. This means you have to balance your rhyming with your rhythm. Say it out loud and count the syllables at the same time. You have six syllables in each line of the Stanza. Practice this piece with words of your own choice, and always say it out loud. I hope this helps you. Should you need any more help, just come back to me. Kind regards.
I will give you five stars for this poem just because you made no mistakes.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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I will keep it in mind.thanks for being generous and such analytical review.
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You're most welcome.