Brian's book of poem's
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "fallen leaves"poetry
46 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Brian,
This is an excellent practice haiku, presumably to get feedback
and/or suggestion about the form.
Generally in haiku, there are two grammatically connected lines
and a reflective thought called a satori line.
Autumn is here
leaves have fallen
The leaves are brown
Suggestion:
Autumn is here--
yellow leaves that have fallen
are now mottled brown
The second and third lines are grammatically connected; the first line
is the satori thought. (or you could connect one and two, and have three the satori line)
Imagery is the key. You want to convey in words what your eyes see.
You have a good seasonal reference with "Autumn" and falling leaves.
Only use capitals for proper nouns and punctuation is minimal.
A good way to learn more is to join Gypsy's haiku club.
Best wishes.
Robert
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Hello Brian,
This is an excellent practice haiku, presumably to get feedback
and/or suggestion about the form.
Generally in haiku, there are two grammatically connected lines
and a reflective thought called a satori line.
Autumn is here
leaves have fallen
The leaves are brown
Suggestion:
Autumn is here--
yellow leaves that have fallen
are now mottled brown
The second and third lines are grammatically connected; the first line
is the satori thought. (or you could connect one and two, and have three the satori line)
Imagery is the key. You want to convey in words what your eyes see.
You have a good seasonal reference with "Autumn" and falling leaves.
Only use capitals for proper nouns and punctuation is minimal.
A good way to learn more is to join Gypsy's haiku club.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from Ulla
Hi Brian. First off I would like to say that I liked your haiku practice poem.
Now, haiku is always written in lower case. Also two lines have to be grammatically connected. And then comes the satori, the aha moment: Oh so this is what it is about.
So your poem could go something like this:
autumn is here
and leaves are falling
brown carpet
This makes it a 4-5-3 haiku which is also fine. As long it is 17 syllables or less. I hope this was helpful. Ulla:)))
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Hi Brian. First off I would like to say that I liked your haiku practice poem.
Now, haiku is always written in lower case. Also two lines have to be grammatically connected. And then comes the satori, the aha moment: Oh so this is what it is about.
So your poem could go something like this:
autumn is here
and leaves are falling
brown carpet
This makes it a 4-5-3 haiku which is also fine. As long it is 17 syllables or less. I hope this was helpful. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a nicely written haiku for autumn. A picture of falling leaves would really add to this. Autumn is such a pretty time of year. Very nicely done.
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This is a nicely written haiku for autumn. A picture of falling leaves would really add to this. Autumn is such a pretty time of year. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from papa55mike
Living in Tennessee, the leaves are just starting to turn, and we're still waiting on cooler temps. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Living in Tennessee, the leaves are just starting to turn, and we're still waiting on cooler temps. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Nice 5-7-5 poem. It is so sad when autumn leaves fall in their finest colors, making an array of dazzling splendor...then they turn brown and brittle and are nothing but a nuisance. You have expressed this well.
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Nice 5-7-5 poem. It is so sad when autumn leaves fall in their finest colors, making an array of dazzling splendor...then they turn brown and brittle and are nothing but a nuisance. You have expressed this well.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from Cogitator
That always makes me think of spring and how those leaves will be recycled for springtime growth. We have a few months of slow descent before rising again. Good work...John
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That always makes me think of spring and how those leaves will be recycled for springtime growth. We have a few months of slow descent before rising again. Good work...John
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"fallen leaves", is short, succinct and deftly descriptive. With a minimum of words this talented poet has told it as it is. I look forward to seeing your next post.
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"fallen leaves", is short, succinct and deftly descriptive. With a minimum of words this talented poet has told it as it is. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
It's always hard to let go of summer, but what makes that goodbye a little easier is to be ready to embrace Autumn After the fun-filled craze of summer, autumn is a time to slow down, get cosy, and take a deep breath.I like your short poem on Autumn. It would be eye-catching if you could include an Autumn image. Thanks for sharing!
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It's always hard to let go of summer, but what makes that goodbye a little easier is to be ready to embrace Autumn After the fun-filled craze of summer, autumn is a time to slow down, get cosy, and take a deep breath.I like your short poem on Autumn. It would be eye-catching if you could include an Autumn image. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from nandimandisa
Great attempt for the Haiku challenge. The first thing I like to notice is, does this make sense? And yours absolutely does! All three lines are sensible and true. It is a bit simplistic and choppy though. Some fine tuning would help. Keep up the good work!
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Great attempt for the Haiku challenge. The first thing I like to notice is, does this make sense? And yours absolutely does! All three lines are sensible and true. It is a bit simplistic and choppy though. Some fine tuning would help. Keep up the good work!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from Hitcher
I think you need to seek out Gypsy Blue Rose when it comes to Haiku Brian. The traditional haiku has 17 syllables and is formatted in 5-7-5 syllable lined structure. There is a haiku club which she runs and they are constantly setting challenges.
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I think you need to seek out Gypsy Blue Rose when it comes to Haiku Brian. The traditional haiku has 17 syllables and is formatted in 5-7-5 syllable lined structure. There is a haiku club which she runs and they are constantly setting challenges.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021