An Epic Tornado Tale
A 30 stanza true story in poetry31 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
You've done a great job telling us this story through poetry, Beth. I can't even imagine what that life would be. It sounds like something from the Wizard of Oz. We have had a few small tornados go through our area in more recent years. I pray they never become anything like this. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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You've done a great job telling us this story through poetry, Beth. I can't even imagine what that life would be. It sounds like something from the Wizard of Oz. We have had a few small tornados go through our area in more recent years. I pray they never become anything like this. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you Judy. It wasn't the first or last storm to go through that area. I'd been told the story of how my cousin as a tiny child and been airborne in a tornado. I said "I wish I could that." They say be careful what you wish for, LOL
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Oh, my goodness, Beth! How terrible! You are quite welcome.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Wow. That must have been terrifying to experience. The fact that it really isn't but for a brief period of time but the power of a tornado changes lives and people forever. This was well written and an epic tale. Gretchen
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Wow. That must have been terrifying to experience. The fact that it really isn't but for a brief period of time but the power of a tornado changes lives and people forever. This was well written and an epic tale. Gretchen
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you Gretchen, I appreciate the review and comments. It is not something I will ever forget. I've been in one since but only the roof and trees were destroyed.
Comment from royowen
I know here when the fires and then the floods came to NSW and Queensland there were plenty of people that helped each other, it's funny how disasters can bring out the best in people, somehow it seem strange that it should, but Jesus was right when He told the rich young ruler to give away all he had. This is beautifully written dear Beth , blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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I know here when the fires and then the floods came to NSW and Queensland there were plenty of people that helped each other, it's funny how disasters can bring out the best in people, somehow it seem strange that it should, but Jesus was right when He told the rich young ruler to give away all he had. This is beautifully written dear Beth , blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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I always appreciate your reviews because you are such a good writier. I really appreciate the six stars.
Beth
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Well done
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You poem is excellent, Beth. There's smooth flow, good rhymes,
and great imagery. I could see this monster as I read and the way
you and your mom, then dad reacted. I've read a couple earlier posts
by you about this tornado. This is one of the best.
I believe this is a winner.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Causiously, we called--->cautiously
Once he was haled by a helpless old man,--hailed
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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You poem is excellent, Beth. There's smooth flow, good rhymes,
and great imagery. I could see this monster as I read and the way
you and your mom, then dad reacted. I've read a couple earlier posts
by you about this tornado. This is one of the best.
I believe this is a winner.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Causiously, we called--->cautiously
Once he was haled by a helpless old man,--hailed
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much Jan. I'm so glad you like this. I appreciate you seeing the spags. I'm thrilled with the stars.
Beth
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This was a great poem. And yes, I know how dangerous those storms are in the south. In Birmingham, there was a place called Tornado Alley. The storms seem to hit in the same vicinity. It was a scary place to live. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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This was a great poem. And yes, I know how dangerous those storms are in the south. In Birmingham, there was a place called Tornado Alley. The storms seem to hit in the same vicinity. It was a scary place to live. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you Carolyn, I'm so glad you liked my poem. There have been at least five storms in this little town in Mississippi. It was called Tornado Alley too. There have been three in the same area in Chattanooga in the last few years.
Beth
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You are welcome.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Bravo! Well-told story of an incredible event that I am always ready to hear more about. Your poem is spellbinding!
Some suggestions:
February, thirteenth in forty-eight,
=>
February thirteenth in forty-eight,
[I'm not 100% positive on this one, but if you think it's better with the comma, see if anyone else suggests taking it out; but the comma before "13th" seems to work better in the next paragraph]
It's as clear to me now as it was then
=>
It's as clear to me now as it was then.
On that Friday, 13th, there was no school.
Home on that day was exception to rule.
=>
On that Friday, 13th, there was no school,
which was an exception to the rule.
but why this was true, to me wasn't clear.
=>
but why this was true, to me isn't clear. [From your perspective as an adult, in the present]
"It is coming a storm." Aunt Eva moaned.
=>
"It is coming, a storm!" Aunt Eva moaned.
we sat upright up in the one nailess spot
=>
we sat upright up in the one nailless spot
Causiously, we called out as we drew near,
=>
Cautiously, we called out as we drew near,
crawling was called for to get to the floor
=>
We needed to crawl, to get to the floor.
My aunt had managed to get into the pit.
but all survived ...
=>
My aunt had managed to get into the pit,
but all survived ...
Rubble was burning in spite the of rain.
=>
Rubble was burning in spite of the rain.
He finally made it over Gramp's hill
=>
He finally made it over Gramp's secure hill [it helps the meter]
And lives were altered in an adverse way.
=>
And lives were altered in an frightful way. [Stronger word; too strong? Up to you.]
Excellent presentation; the picture fits and the earth tones work very well. I hope you do well in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Bravo! Well-told story of an incredible event that I am always ready to hear more about. Your poem is spellbinding!
Some suggestions:
February, thirteenth in forty-eight,
=>
February thirteenth in forty-eight,
[I'm not 100% positive on this one, but if you think it's better with the comma, see if anyone else suggests taking it out; but the comma before "13th" seems to work better in the next paragraph]
It's as clear to me now as it was then
=>
It's as clear to me now as it was then.
On that Friday, 13th, there was no school.
Home on that day was exception to rule.
=>
On that Friday, 13th, there was no school,
which was an exception to the rule.
but why this was true, to me wasn't clear.
=>
but why this was true, to me isn't clear. [From your perspective as an adult, in the present]
"It is coming a storm." Aunt Eva moaned.
=>
"It is coming, a storm!" Aunt Eva moaned.
we sat upright up in the one nailess spot
=>
we sat upright up in the one nailless spot
Causiously, we called out as we drew near,
=>
Cautiously, we called out as we drew near,
crawling was called for to get to the floor
=>
We needed to crawl, to get to the floor.
My aunt had managed to get into the pit.
but all survived ...
=>
My aunt had managed to get into the pit,
but all survived ...
Rubble was burning in spite the of rain.
=>
Rubble was burning in spite of the rain.
He finally made it over Gramp's hill
=>
He finally made it over Gramp's secure hill [it helps the meter]
And lives were altered in an adverse way.
=>
And lives were altered in an frightful way. [Stronger word; too strong? Up to you.]
Excellent presentation; the picture fits and the earth tones work very well. I hope you do well in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Mary Kay, It is so good to see your smiling face. Without you around, my posts aren't getting cleaned up the way they should. I so pleased you liked this and took so much time to help me make it better. I hope things are improving in your life. You and your family are in my prayers.
Beth
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It's good to read your work again too, Beth! Thank you for your warm and generous attitude, and especially for your prayers! I am sorry to say that Mom is very unhappy in assisted living. There's just not enough assistance there for her needs, and I doubt she would like a nursing home, either. Plus Covid took over the facility these past few weeks, not sparing my mother, but I'm thankful she's recovering. I'm just praying God will open the door for a better arrangement.
I don't remember if I told you, but Jorge had a heart attack in July. But God was merciful, and we got through that. I'm slowly dealing with my health issues, and we're dealing with our apartment issues, even more slowly. We're praying for God to give us strength and help, to make this place more habitable. The summer was very hot and difficult (for reasons I can't go into, no A/C) and I'm grateful that it's about over! Your prayers are DEEPLY APPRECIATED. God bless you and your family! Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is a great poem. Yes an epic one. You managed to tell this devastating story in a long rhyming poem. What a dramatic experience and you turned out fine after such a trauma at ten years old.
I enjoy reading this one very much.
Excellent. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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This is a great poem. Yes an epic one. You managed to tell this devastating story in a long rhyming poem. What a dramatic experience and you turned out fine after such a trauma at ten years old.
I enjoy reading this one very much.
Excellent. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much for a great review. I really appreciate you comments.
Beth
Comment from Teri7
This had to be a very scary time for you all. Tornadoes don't play around. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery from the art work you chose. We were in a tornado two or three times and it was so scary at the time. The only good thing about them is the Lord was with us through it all, just like with you and your family! Thanks for sharing. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, teri
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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This had to be a very scary time for you all. Tornadoes don't play around. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery from the art work you chose. We were in a tornado two or three times and it was so scary at the time. The only good thing about them is the Lord was with us through it all, just like with you and your family! Thanks for sharing. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, teri
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Yes, they are scary. My daughter was in one here in Chattanooga a could of years ago and she lost her house but she and her husband weren't hurt either. She didn't get the sky ride I die but her pacemaker when really really fast. God has protected us more than we deserve but I can only praise Him.
Beth
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest story/poem with us. I really enjoyed reading and wish I had a six left. I am sorry I don't. Good luck with the contest.
"It's coming a storm." my Aunt Eva moaned. (I'm not a poet but when I read this I leave out 'my'. I might be wrong.)
It thought we might die, or be badly hurt. (I thought...)
Our lives could by easily ended this day. (By doesn't belong there, maybe 'could be' or 'could easily end this day')
"No way, could he cross it." people still say. (comma after 'it')
"Don't worry." She said. "We're not hurt at all." (comma after 'worry' and lower 's' on 'she')
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you for sharing this contest story/poem with us. I really enjoyed reading and wish I had a six left. I am sorry I don't. Good luck with the contest.
"It's coming a storm." my Aunt Eva moaned. (I'm not a poet but when I read this I leave out 'my'. I might be wrong.)
It thought we might die, or be badly hurt. (I thought...)
Our lives could by easily ended this day. (By doesn't belong there, maybe 'could be' or 'could easily end this day')
"No way, could he cross it." people still say. (comma after 'it')
"Don't worry." She said. "We're not hurt at all." (comma after 'worry' and lower 's' on 'she')
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the review and comments and for the help with the editing. I put the my in the make the line ten syllable, but I changed the 'It's' to 'It is' and the the 'my' out, so it works.
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is a great entry for this contest. I wish you well. You have a real talent for being able to tell a story in the form of a long poem. Not only is it a good story, but it is also a good poem. Very Well Done. Terry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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This is a great entry for this contest. I wish you well. You have a real talent for being able to tell a story in the form of a long poem. Not only is it a good story, but it is also a good poem. Very Well Done. Terry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you Terry, I appreciate the review and comments.
Beth
