Murder or Coincidence
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Murder or Coincidence? Part 3"Was it Murder
30 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with controlled emotions. You ask about the ending. "Rest in peac, brother, rest in peace." - says nothing about Rebecca. Good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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This is very well written with controlled emotions. You ask about the ending. "Rest in peac, brother, rest in peace." - says nothing about Rebecca. Good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Charlie Thank you for the review. I appreciate your comments. Thanks again Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from Readywriter52
It was a logical ending to the story. Lee and Rebecca had hurt each other so much that no amount of words would have helped the situation. They found the only peace available to both of them - death. In death we find peace.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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It was a logical ending to the story. Lee and Rebecca had hurt each other so much that no amount of words would have helped the situation. They found the only peace available to both of them - death. In death we find peace.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Readywriter Thanks for the review. I appreciate your comments Carol
Comment from frankcriss
Very, very ,good story,spine tingling right down to the end. Good strong characters,love the conflict. Toward the end might have been a good idea not to admit they were dead so soon,holding on till the last possible opportunity too maintain the suspense.
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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Very, very ,good story,spine tingling right down to the end. Good strong characters,love the conflict. Toward the end might have been a good idea not to admit they were dead so soon,holding on till the last possible opportunity too maintain the suspense.
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Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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frank I suppose I could leave out the lifeless part and let the reader wonder if they are still alive under the collapsed roof. That's an idea I will reconsider. Thanks for the review. CArol
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
I like your story.
And I liked the ending.
I liked your realistic characters.
You have a good balance between dialog, description, and action.
It is interesting and suspenseful.
And a good read.
Kathryn
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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I like your story.
And I liked the ending.
I liked your realistic characters.
You have a good balance between dialog, description, and action.
It is interesting and suspenseful.
And a good read.
Kathryn
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Kathryn Maybe I should have let her shoot him...But then their friends would have thought of her as a killer.
Glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the review. Carol
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No, I like the way you ended it. If you let her shoot him, it would be satisfying in a way, but it would be cliche, and as you said, then, they would think of her as a killer, which wouldn't be good. So, I like how you ended it.
Kathryn
Comment from Shirley B
I enjoyed your story. It had so much action. I only wish Rebecca's bullets got him first before the storm did. Am I terrible for that? I can't stand abuse. The storm seemed very real. It was an action packed story. Good job. Happy writing. Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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I enjoyed your story. It had so much action. I only wish Rebecca's bullets got him first before the storm did. Am I terrible for that? I can't stand abuse. The storm seemed very real. It was an action packed story. Good job. Happy writing. Shirley
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Shirley...I have thought about revising and having the bullet wound him. I simply didn't want his friends to remember one of them as a killer. It's based roughly on one of my son's ex-friends life...There storm was not caused by mother nature. They had a child and the only love that exists is how both of them treat that baby. Strange how they can love her but not each other. Thanks for the review. Carol
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Yeah, you are right. It's best to keep it the way it is. It is a great story. Best of luck to you. Shirley
Comment from Jnetgame
This is a great conclusion to your story; I like the ending. Just one minor SPAG:
My god, what had he done to her.(replace . with ?)
This is truly a great story.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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This is a great conclusion to your story; I like the ending. Just one minor SPAG:
My god, what had he done to her.(replace . with ?)
This is truly a great story.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Jnetgame
Thanks so much for the review. I am glad that you enjoyed the story. Thanks again CArol
Comment from adewpearl
deaths was ruled accidental were ruled
Pausing, he wipes a tear away wiped
I think the ending is authentic and realistic - I'm not saying there could not have been a happy outcome where the woman turned him into the police and then made a new life for herself - that happens sometimes, too, but this ending is also most tragically possible. Even with the irony that the shots did not find their target and they both died from the tornado instead, this ending is in keeping with her having shot him, a likely outcome. I think you've written an excellent, gripping story about a horrible problem that plagues our society. Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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deaths was ruled accidental were ruled
Pausing, he wipes a tear away wiped
I think the ending is authentic and realistic - I'm not saying there could not have been a happy outcome where the woman turned him into the police and then made a new life for herself - that happens sometimes, too, but this ending is also most tragically possible. Even with the irony that the shots did not find their target and they both died from the tornado instead, this ending is in keeping with her having shot him, a likely outcome. I think you've written an excellent, gripping story about a horrible problem that plagues our society. Brooke
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Brooke
Thanks so much for the review...The story was based on a tragic relationship of a young man my son knew...Neither one died, but their relationship was so devastating to each other. One went off on drugs and the other became an alcoholic and gambled beyond his means. Two young people who just couldn't get it right...the only good thing in their relationship is they both are madly in love with their daughter. Maybe she'll teach them about love...the right way. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from Louise Michelle
This was very well written. I didn't find any spag, not that that is a guarantee for you, LOL. I think the ending was fine.
Lou
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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This was very well written. I didn't find any spag, not that that is a guarantee for you, LOL. I think the ending was fine.
Lou
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Louise....
Thank you so much for the review. Had to read the other two parts or did you read this as a stand alone chapter? Not that it matters. I was just checking how it flowed together. Thanks again Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Wow, it was definitely a surprise ending, but it worked. I, of course, wanted a happy ending. Rebecca for giving him and they happily forever, but that doesn't always happen. It's very good.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Wow, it was definitely a surprise ending, but it worked. I, of course, wanted a happy ending. Rebecca for giving him and they happily forever, but that doesn't always happen. It's very good.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Barbara...Was it a realistic ending or do you think it was too contrived? I prefer happy endings too but this comes from a section of a book my son and I wrote. I'm trying to make adjustments, using what I've learned on fanstory. Thanks for the review. I always appreciate your help. CArol
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It worked. It will be interesting to see what other reviewers say. There are very few people who knew what was really going on in their lives. So it was covered up, much like the tornado covered their house. There's a lo of symbolism there too. Rebecca started the physical fight. I understand how upset she was and why, but I don't think she'd have gotten hit if she didn't start it. Wow, I just don't know.
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It worked. It will be interesting to see what other reviewers say. There are very few people who knew what was really going on in their lives. So it was covered up, much like the tornado covered their house. There's a lo of symbolism there too. Rebecca started the physical fight. I understand how upset she was and why, but I don't think she'd have gotten hit if she didn't start it. Wow, I just don't know.
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I think she'd been hit before and both of them were taking their pain out on the other. she'd lost the baby, hated how her life was ending up, and he hated how women deserted him...What a twisted mess. Thanks so much...haven't had any other reviews yet. Just have to wait and see. Take care Carol
Comment from RebelRose
An interesting story. I enjoyed it. I vaguely remember reading another part of it as I remember the characters' names. Good work.
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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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An interesting story. I enjoyed it. I vaguely remember reading another part of it as I remember the characters' names. Good work.
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Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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RebelRose
I posted Part 1 and 2 yesterday. I hoped to learn how the three blended together, but I must not have left much of an impression. Thanks for the review. Carol