Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Gossip"A book of a mixture of stories
37 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
I loved your story about gossip. Your story is very well written. Excellent dialogue, wonderful characterization of two friends gossiping, and very descriptive writing. Cool photo. Here are the paragraphs that stood out:
Much to their chagrin, they soon learned, upon arrival, the schedule called for back to back speakers throughout the day and discussion periods at night. Having endured two days of boredom, the girls were teetering on the edge of exhaustion.
Amy twirled around, tilting her head toward the ceiling. "It's so romantic. Too bad we're not here for a party or something. At least they could have had a small cocktail party for everyone."
"I heard there's a big wedding taking place in the other wing. Suppose to be a big hush-hush thing. Someone real important." Traci's smug expression made her friend laugh.
"Don't get your panties all in a wad, silly. You were asleep and I was bored so I just took a little walk."
Amy chased after her, grabbing Traci's arm and spinning her around. "I'm going to knock your block off if you don't quit with your games. Tell all, girlfriend, or is this just one of your jokes? That's it, huh? You didn't go anywhere last night except to bed."
"He didn't! Traci, what about Todd? How quickly he's forgotten." Amy chuckled at the thought of Traci's well-at-least-he's-a-date friend back home. She knew her friend liked him, but it would never ever go any further than a quick goodnight kiss. Traci dreamt of romantic walks under the stars, not Friday Night Fish Fry with the parents at the local diner. Todd believed in keeping things plain and simple.
As they neared the end of the long hallway, loud, upbeat music drifted toward them. Both girls instantly quickened their steps, moving in the direction of the Latin rhythmic sounds. Rounding the corner, they looked out into a huge courtyard. Speechless, they gawked at the enormous sprays of flowers, the linen draped chairs and tables covered with platters of food and sparkling crystal. Women in designer dresses and dripping with diamonds clung to the arms of elegantly dressed men, sipping white wine and smiling demurely as others waved and continued milling about the room.
Another man and woman walked by, blocking their vision. The girls were instantly distracted. Simultaneously, their mouths dropped open and their eyes were glued to the couples activity. Unaware or merely unconcerned of anyone watching, the gentleman let his hand roam freely across the woman's small, tight derriere. She giggled and playfully slapped him. Rounding the corner, they disappeared from sight.
Hilary smiled and draped her arm around the young woman's shoulders. "I learned a long time ago that diplomacy was a necessary key to achieve success."
"It's a chance of a lifetime, girlfriend. Maybe one of those journalists you are always talking about will get our picture and we'll be plastered across the headlines. I can see it now, 'Gate Crashers at Clinton wedding."
Laughing hysterically, the girls walked into the courtyard with Hilary at their side. As Bill approached, each girl swallowed hard and accepted his firm handshake.
Your story about the two girls at a boring seminar at a hotel and run into Bill and Hilary Clinton. Good luck in the contest. It was a delight to read your story. Have a lovely evening. . .Melissa.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Carol,
I loved your story about gossip. Your story is very well written. Excellent dialogue, wonderful characterization of two friends gossiping, and very descriptive writing. Cool photo. Here are the paragraphs that stood out:
Much to their chagrin, they soon learned, upon arrival, the schedule called for back to back speakers throughout the day and discussion periods at night. Having endured two days of boredom, the girls were teetering on the edge of exhaustion.
Amy twirled around, tilting her head toward the ceiling. "It's so romantic. Too bad we're not here for a party or something. At least they could have had a small cocktail party for everyone."
"I heard there's a big wedding taking place in the other wing. Suppose to be a big hush-hush thing. Someone real important." Traci's smug expression made her friend laugh.
"Don't get your panties all in a wad, silly. You were asleep and I was bored so I just took a little walk."
Amy chased after her, grabbing Traci's arm and spinning her around. "I'm going to knock your block off if you don't quit with your games. Tell all, girlfriend, or is this just one of your jokes? That's it, huh? You didn't go anywhere last night except to bed."
"He didn't! Traci, what about Todd? How quickly he's forgotten." Amy chuckled at the thought of Traci's well-at-least-he's-a-date friend back home. She knew her friend liked him, but it would never ever go any further than a quick goodnight kiss. Traci dreamt of romantic walks under the stars, not Friday Night Fish Fry with the parents at the local diner. Todd believed in keeping things plain and simple.
As they neared the end of the long hallway, loud, upbeat music drifted toward them. Both girls instantly quickened their steps, moving in the direction of the Latin rhythmic sounds. Rounding the corner, they looked out into a huge courtyard. Speechless, they gawked at the enormous sprays of flowers, the linen draped chairs and tables covered with platters of food and sparkling crystal. Women in designer dresses and dripping with diamonds clung to the arms of elegantly dressed men, sipping white wine and smiling demurely as others waved and continued milling about the room.
Another man and woman walked by, blocking their vision. The girls were instantly distracted. Simultaneously, their mouths dropped open and their eyes were glued to the couples activity. Unaware or merely unconcerned of anyone watching, the gentleman let his hand roam freely across the woman's small, tight derriere. She giggled and playfully slapped him. Rounding the corner, they disappeared from sight.
Hilary smiled and draped her arm around the young woman's shoulders. "I learned a long time ago that diplomacy was a necessary key to achieve success."
"It's a chance of a lifetime, girlfriend. Maybe one of those journalists you are always talking about will get our picture and we'll be plastered across the headlines. I can see it now, 'Gate Crashers at Clinton wedding."
Laughing hysterically, the girls walked into the courtyard with Hilary at their side. As Bill approached, each girl swallowed hard and accepted his firm handshake.
Your story about the two girls at a boring seminar at a hotel and run into Bill and Hilary Clinton. Good luck in the contest. It was a delight to read your story. Have a lovely evening. . .Melissa.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Melissa,
Been away from the site for so long and miss you and all my friends. Thank you for enjoying my work and I hope to be back soon. I truly miss the pleasure. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Trybuck
Great job with this one. The girls go with hope and hope is soon taken away. Hope is revived and just as quick dies again, and then hope is revived once again and the girls get the weekend of their lives.
Very well done, Buck
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Great job with this one. The girls go with hope and hope is soon taken away. Hope is revived and just as quick dies again, and then hope is revived once again and the girls get the weekend of their lives.
Very well done, Buck
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Buck,
Been away from the site for so long and miss you and all my friends. Thank you for enjoying my work and I hope to be back soon. I truly miss the pleasure. Smiles, Carol
Comment from RebelRose
Man, this would have been a great thing to have happen. Just being at the right place at the right time. And being invited to attend ...
Great contest entry. Just one nit (below).
Realizing her friend couldn't have been been (one too many beens).
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Man, this would have been a great thing to have happen. Just being at the right place at the right time. And being invited to attend ...
Great contest entry. Just one nit (below).
Realizing her friend couldn't have been been (one too many beens).
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Patti,
Been away from the site for so long and miss you and all my friends. Thank you for enjoying my work and I hope to be back soon. I truly miss the pleasure. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
This read realistically like two country girls in the Big Apple. It was truly titled "Gossip<'
You capture the idium and vernacular well. Your dialogue is great, an area where I have fault.s
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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This read realistically like two country girls in the Big Apple. It was truly titled "Gossip<'
You capture the idium and vernacular well. Your dialogue is great, an area where I have fault.s
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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stumbly,
Been away from the site for so long and miss you and all my friends. Thank you for enjoying my work and I hope to be back soon. I truly miss the pleasure. Smiles, Carol
Comment from adewpearl
This is an enjoyable story with excellent, natural-sounding dialogue between the two friends and eventually with Hillary. They really do sound like two friends, the way they spar with each other.
My only nit is that you make it sound like the wedding took place in a NYC hotel when it was in the small town of Rhinebeck, NY - guests were driven from their hotels to some estate where they got married - so for people like me who followed the wedding, the fact these girls ended up at the wedding is unrealistic. I'm sure most people won't notice or care :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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This is an enjoyable story with excellent, natural-sounding dialogue between the two friends and eventually with Hillary. They really do sound like two friends, the way they spar with each other.
My only nit is that you make it sound like the wedding took place in a NYC hotel when it was in the small town of Rhinebeck, NY - guests were driven from their hotels to some estate where they got married - so for people like me who followed the wedding, the fact these girls ended up at the wedding is unrealistic. I'm sure most people won't notice or care :-) Brooke
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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Brooke,
I too followed the wedding and wished the couple happiness..but in my story, I took a few liberties since it is all fiction. I never actually say we are in New York City..so I leave it to the reader's imagination. Thanks for the kind review...Smiles, Carol
Comment from patwannabe
Ok, Carol. This one sounds like you, right up to par. I love it. You made it so real I had to check to see if it was fiction. Wouldn't that be fun? I'll bet Hilary would have really let them in.
Delightful. No SPaG, as usual. pat
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Ok, Carol. This one sounds like you, right up to par. I love it. You made it so real I had to check to see if it was fiction. Wouldn't that be fun? I'll bet Hilary would have really let them in.
Delightful. No SPaG, as usual. pat
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Pat,
Been away from the site for so long and miss you and all my friends. Thank you for enjoying my work and I hope to be back soon. I truly miss the pleasure. Smiles, Carol
Comment from c_lucas
Open mouth; insert foot. This is very well written with very believable dialogue. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good Luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Open mouth; insert foot. This is very well written with very believable dialogue. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good Luck in your contest.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Charlie,
Been away from the site for so long and miss you and all my friends. Thank you for enjoying my work and I hope to be back soon. I truly miss the pleasure. Smiles, Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from RKagan
I've always thought that your stories had a very real feeing to them. The dialog is never forced, ect. Today as I was reading I happened to look over at your bio. NOW I know why. You have tremendous life experience that you draw on. You are an amazing lady and an excellent writer.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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I've always thought that your stories had a very real feeing to them. The dialog is never forced, ect. Today as I was reading I happened to look over at your bio. NOW I know why. You have tremendous life experience that you draw on. You are an amazing lady and an excellent writer.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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A belated but deeply felt thank you...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Writeaway...
Great competition entry Begin Again, you certainly have my vote :), I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing!!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Great competition entry Begin Again, you certainly have my vote :), I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing!!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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A belated but deeply felt thank you...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Thesis
The only problem I have with this story, is that Chelsea's wedding was held in Poughkeepsi, NY, not NYC. It sounded like the seminar was in the city, unless I read it wrong. Otherwise, it was cool. - John
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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The only problem I have with this story, is that Chelsea's wedding was held in Poughkeepsi, NY, not NYC. It sounded like the seminar was in the city, unless I read it wrong. Otherwise, it was cool. - John
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2010
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John,
That's why it's fiction..so I can play with the location...at least I said New York..didn't actually say where. Thanks for the review...Smiles to you, Carol
