Visible Flight of Invisible Might!
An invisible might drives one to a visible flight.78 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Very well done, indeed, RP. Your message is well written from start to finish:
"With heart and soul if hard you strive,
God is near at rear to help you thrive;
Look within and find Him everywhere,
Bow to God and go ahead in His care."
Bravo! Bob (Mastery)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Very well done, indeed, RP. Your message is well written from start to finish:
"With heart and soul if hard you strive,
God is near at rear to help you thrive;
Look within and find Him everywhere,
Bow to God and go ahead in His care."
Bravo! Bob (Mastery)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Hi Mastery,
Thank you very much for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from gazzagodbod
yes liked this one alot my friend truly life has no bounds when your rich in faith well done and thank you for sharing gazza
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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yes liked this one alot my friend truly life has no bounds when your rich in faith well done and thank you for sharing gazza
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Hi
Thank you very much for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from Norbanus
This excellent message with superior structure is diluted by the inconsistent meter. The Hexameter pattern in the first stanza. Is not as familiar to reader as the more common pentameter like that used in Shakespearian sonnets.
Consider something on this order:
I wonder at the hexameter flow,
As five resounding feet more reader know.
The light we seek has guided birds in flight,
Just trust in God, and use his blazing light!
The Lord resides within the glowing sun,
a visible resource for everyone.
It guides our insights and it keeps them bright;
Helps choose the path to bring your goals to light.
Will build the heart and soul for you to strive,
We know that God is near to help you thrive;
A look inside will show him dwelling there,
Accept your God, and go forth in His care.
Success belongs to those who seek and try.
It shunts them all who flee, retreat or cry;
Defeat does not mean losing every game,
But losing heart means no fuel to inflame.
Don't stop to cry. Push on and drop it in.
Try just once more until you earn your win.
God's inner sight will steer the upright role.
But feeling shy will take a mighty toll.
Have faith in God and stand up brave and bold,
The craved success is yours in shining gold!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
|
This excellent message with superior structure is diluted by the inconsistent meter. The Hexameter pattern in the first stanza. Is not as familiar to reader as the more common pentameter like that used in Shakespearian sonnets.
Consider something on this order:
I wonder at the hexameter flow,
As five resounding feet more reader know.
The light we seek has guided birds in flight,
Just trust in God, and use his blazing light!
The Lord resides within the glowing sun,
a visible resource for everyone.
It guides our insights and it keeps them bright;
Helps choose the path to bring your goals to light.
Will build the heart and soul for you to strive,
We know that God is near to help you thrive;
A look inside will show him dwelling there,
Accept your God, and go forth in His care.
Success belongs to those who seek and try.
It shunts them all who flee, retreat or cry;
Defeat does not mean losing every game,
But losing heart means no fuel to inflame.
Don't stop to cry. Push on and drop it in.
Try just once more until you earn your win.
God's inner sight will steer the upright role.
But feeling shy will take a mighty toll.
Have faith in God and stand up brave and bold,
The craved success is yours in shining gold!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Hi Norbanus,
Thank you very much for your kind review and thoughtful comments.
Comment from Glasstruth
This has such an incredible flow, especially with your internal rhyming, happens so unexpectedly. You're about those who help themselves. Good actions are also good karma. Thanks for sharing. Les
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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This has such an incredible flow, especially with your internal rhyming, happens so unexpectedly. You're about those who help themselves. Good actions are also good karma. Thanks for sharing. Les
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
-
Hi
Thank you very much for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from Janet Foor
Wonderful message of faith in Visible Flight of Invisible Might!
Very nice rhyming couplets with good internal rhyming.
Very well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Wonderful message of faith in Visible Flight of Invisible Might!
Very nice rhyming couplets with good internal rhyming.
Very well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
-
Hi
Thank you very much for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from gaangel62
Beautiful poem. The love and grace of God our father keeps me going. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem about God....Angie
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Beautiful poem. The love and grace of God our father keeps me going. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem about God....Angie
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
-
Hi
Thank you very much for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Poem! The author gave a very positive outlook about striving and not giving up. The words the author used were strong and descriptive. The artwork was great and enhanced the read. Thank you, harmony13
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Excellent Poem! The author gave a very positive outlook about striving and not giving up. The words the author used were strong and descriptive. The artwork was great and enhanced the read. Thank you, harmony13
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
-
Hi
Thanks a lot for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
With heart and soul if hard you strive,
God is near at rear to help you thrive;
Look within and find Him everywhere,
Bow to God and go ahead in His care.
Our God is an awesome God who is here to help us in any way we need. We just has to allow Him too. Great poem.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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With heart and soul if hard you strive,
God is near at rear to help you thrive;
Look within and find Him everywhere,
Bow to God and go ahead in His care.
Our God is an awesome God who is here to help us in any way we need. We just has to allow Him too. Great poem.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
-
Hi
Thanks a lot for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Beautiful, uplifting words of truth and hope. I love the conversational tone of the opening line and how the faith and exhortation builds as the lines progress.
All the best in the contest. I think this is a worthy contestant. :)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Beautiful, uplifting words of truth and hope. I love the conversational tone of the opening line and how the faith and exhortation builds as the lines progress.
All the best in the contest. I think this is a worthy contestant. :)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
-
Hi
Thanks a lot for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.
Comment from mizzkris20
I loved every stanza in your poem and think you may have penned a winner for the faith poetry contest. I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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I loved every stanza in your poem and think you may have penned a winner for the faith poetry contest. I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
-
Hi
Thanks a lot for your so nice, thoughtful and morale boosting comments.