Poems By AnnieDawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 68 "Lovers Tryst"My book of poems and stories
55 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
An unfulfilled story - methinks they would scurry away to somewhere more private to do the deed!
Your couplets have a nice easy rhythm to them, but for some reason you rhymed all of them but one....
The syntax of that line:
Awaiting lovers tongue its first sweet taste.
also seems a bit off, and there needs to be an apostrophe in lovers.
Good luck
Steve
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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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An unfulfilled story - methinks they would scurry away to somewhere more private to do the deed!
Your couplets have a nice easy rhythm to them, but for some reason you rhymed all of them but one....
The syntax of that line:
Awaiting lovers tongue its first sweet taste.
also seems a bit off, and there needs to be an apostrophe in lovers.
Good luck
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from c_lucas
Awaiting lovers tongue (lovers') -- You may have used poetic license. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Awaiting lovers tongue (lovers') -- You may have used poetic license. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
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You're welcome, Annie. Charlie
Comment from Kingsrookviii
I hate when that happens. This has good rhyme, drama with a story to tell and a surprise, if not, frustrating ending! Good luck.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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I hate when that happens. This has good rhyme, drama with a story to tell and a surprise, if not, frustrating ending! Good luck.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much for your review of my poem.
Comment from mickbey
You described it just right in the author notes, a little passion, a little humor, it's nice to see a little boldness, and the poem fits the spirit of young lovers, stimulating and enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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You described it just right in the author notes, a little passion, a little humor, it's nice to see a little boldness, and the poem fits the spirit of young lovers, stimulating and enjoyable read.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you so very much for your review of my poem.
Comment from kiwijenny
Dum dum do do we were just walking down the lane holding hands. Put a ring on it you two and get a room!
They find their lovers tryst to no avail.
God bless
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Dum dum do do we were just walking down the lane holding hands. Put a ring on it you two and get a room!
They find their lovers tryst to no avail.
God bless
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from Irish Rain
ah well! such are the chances young lovers take...cute picture to go with your poem, best of luck to you in this contest, and blessings to you tonight!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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ah well! such are the chances young lovers take...cute picture to go with your poem, best of luck to you in this contest, and blessings to you tonight!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for reviewing my poem.
Comment from Anthony Crosbie
How frustrating is that! Adds to the fun though - the danger of being caught! Very descriptive and sexy poem. I just love the ending too. I could picture them walking on - clothes crumpled, faces red... Archie
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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How frustrating is that! Adds to the fun though - the danger of being caught! Very descriptive and sexy poem. I just love the ending too. I could picture them walking on - clothes crumpled, faces red... Archie
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for reviewing my poem.
Comment from gaangel62
Very well written, too be young again and have a romantic tryst.....great walk down memory lane.....thanks for sharing.....hugs.....Angie
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Very well written, too be young again and have a romantic tryst.....great walk down memory lane.....thanks for sharing.....hugs.....Angie
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for reviewing my poem.
Comment from bluedragon776
This is hot and steaming but is not over the to smutty. I have on thing to ask. Isn't the second and third lines supposed to rhyme according to the example provided in the contest guidelines?
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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This is hot and steaming but is not over the to smutty. I have on thing to ask. Isn't the second and third lines supposed to rhyme according to the example provided in the contest guidelines?
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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You know it just may. I will have to check on that. Thanks for your review and comments.
Comment from godlucifer
very interesting with a lot of drama. it was funny but at the same time kinky. your poem was good,fun,and an art of poetry to read. i enjoyed n reading your poem. thanks for the read. "your so vein" means mood or humor.
your so vein
godlucifer
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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very interesting with a lot of drama. it was funny but at the same time kinky. your poem was good,fun,and an art of poetry to read. i enjoyed n reading your poem. thanks for the read. "your so vein" means mood or humor.
your so vein
godlucifer
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your comments and for your review of my poem.