Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

This sounded like it should be put to music - I could just feel the rhythm and the beat. I enjoyed this very much.
~Teresa~

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Teresa, and thank you so much for your lovely review.

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

I love the sound of children playing, dancing, and laughing.
They have a natural way of enjoying simple things, Your poem is beautifully written, and the image makes it clear that the children are not spoiled,

Then they swirled and they glided
And they gracefully subsided
In torrents of clear laughter
From their hearts

Well done, Mary

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Mary, and thank you so much for your lovely review.

Comment from Petriesan

Excellent

easy to read with no obvious catches or snags

I particularly like the last four lines, but might have put them as thus:

A taste of the hereafter
To those who dance together
The gods have surely given
In the dust

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Petriesan, and thank you so much for your review.

Comment from D. Longo

Excellent

A second look at this delightful poem and I'm compelled to comment. "When a sigh in the trees, rippled through the leaves, and their toes started tapping, in the dust" An element of the supernatural in these lines, as if the girls were spellbound by the sigh. One might assume that the gods cited in conclusion were responsible for that sigh, "A taste of the hereafter ...." Loved the (subtle) bookending! Also, master strokes of alliteration: flutter, utter, stutter - a rhythm establishing staccato. On the negative side, sorry, nothing to offer.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, D Longo, and thank you so much for your review.

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

I loved it. It flowed beautifully and I enjoyed reading it aloud. A well written sweet and joyful piece. Your words reflect the utter joyful stutter Of their dance.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Janet, and thank you so much for your lovely review.

Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

Very visual - and an enjoyable read.

I felt you bought us along with them as a breeze started and they joyfully tapped with their toes.

You can almost hear their laughter and giggling as they dance.

Again, nice.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, AT, and thank you so much for your lovely review.

Comment from L.A.Matthies

Excellent

For a moment that dust appeared to be water, what an interesting and wonderfully descriptive piece. Dancing is such a sincere expression of joy, you've captured that here, I would be hard pressed to find room for improvement.


Their toes started tapping
And itching to the rhythm
The syncopated rhythm
Of their dance - Love this Tony ... :)Linda

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Linda, and thank you so much for your lovely review.

Comment from pipersfancy

Excellent

I wish I had a 6 for this one, Tony! It's beautifully crafted, with exquisite story-telling going on here. I felt the rise of excitement as the toes started tapping... the exuberance of their youth and sudden burst of joy sweeping through the girls and moving them into their expression of dance... then the wave passing and they, still feeling the lingering happiness, moving on.

Keep experimenting! You alchemy is producing things to marvel!

Christina

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Christina, and thank you so much for your lovely review.

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

yep well written Tfawcus..enjoyed it. you see I am not a grammar nazi poet reviewer so I look at the big picture so I am never fanatical about what is grammatically perfect
thanks for posting

dip

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Thanks, dip. So glad you enjoyed it!

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Dip, and thank you so much for your review.

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

These deprived girls are quite happy to make their own simple entertainment, Tony, and I'm sure it builds bigger character and friendships than, for example, playing computer games all day.

I think your mixed rhyme structure, wording and dramatic repetition is very effective in expressing the imagery and feelings you intended.

Best wishes, Ted

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014

Many thanks, Ted. You are right, I think, about the children and I appreciate your comments about the structure of the poem.

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014

So glad you enjoyed this one, Ted, and thank you so much for your review.