Sticks and Stones
Flash Fiction44 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Okay, nameless friend, I have to play the ignorant reader. First of all, I love your voice, your superb writing skills, technique.
Still and all, I don't understand your plot. I've looked and looked for what could have caused Frank Baker's death. A small knife was mentioned, but apparently not used. Charlie's obvious manipulation of the Social Media had something to do with it, but there was nothing to suggest severe enough lost to warrant actual suicide.
Anyway, suffice it to say, I'm totally lost, here.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Okay, nameless friend, I have to play the ignorant reader. First of all, I love your voice, your superb writing skills, technique.
Still and all, I don't understand your plot. I've looked and looked for what could have caused Frank Baker's death. A small knife was mentioned, but apparently not used. Charlie's obvious manipulation of the Social Media had something to do with it, but there was nothing to suggest severe enough lost to warrant actual suicide.
Anyway, suffice it to say, I'm totally lost, here.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Jay, don't fret. You are not the only person who didn't quite get this one. It's kind of supernatural. Charlie pretty much inhabits the Franks head, through the deletion of frank's family's presence in social media, he is convincing himself and ultimately therefore Frank that they are gone. That's it, hard story to tell in 500 words. thanks for the review and the excellent rating.
Comment from Twilightspire
Not bad at all. A totally new and fresh take on assassination. Your mid-story transition was done flawlessly and moved the tale along perfectly. I loved the description you used: snapping back to his own head like a fresh rubber band. Quality writing.
Good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Not bad at all. A totally new and fresh take on assassination. Your mid-story transition was done flawlessly and moved the tale along perfectly. I loved the description you used: snapping back to his own head like a fresh rubber band. Quality writing.
Good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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TJ, thanks a ton for taking your time to read and review my work. It is much appreciated.
Comment from Spitfire
I had to read this twice and hope I have it right.
He feels the shift in perspective. Suddenly at another desk looking through different eyes, he presses the fine point down and begins.
A red herring here, I thought he was going to kill himself.
Ah, but then the pills. I went back to find the clue:
Some killers use guns, some knives, others use explosions or even strangulation. Charlie prefers poison- straight to the heart.
An excellent piece of work, my friend.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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I had to read this twice and hope I have it right.
He feels the shift in perspective. Suddenly at another desk looking through different eyes, he presses the fine point down and begins.
A red herring here, I thought he was going to kill himself.
Ah, but then the pills. I went back to find the clue:
Some killers use guns, some knives, others use explosions or even strangulation. Charlie prefers poison- straight to the heart.
An excellent piece of work, my friend.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Spitfire, yep you got it. Thanks for the 6 stars. It is much appreciated and I'm glad that i could entertain you. Thanks again.
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Spitfire, yep you got it. Thanks for the 6 stars. It is much appreciated and I'm glad that i could entertain you. Thanks again.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Nice build up to an unexpected denouement.
A serial killer of a different sort.
Very well done, mystery writer.
Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
small with a tiny blade(,) but always up to the task
whiskey, heart heavy with (the thought of
the ...?) impending task, Charlie
in strong(,) dark pencil strokes. Tears blur some of the words(,) but they are all legible.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Nice build up to an unexpected denouement.
A serial killer of a different sort.
Very well done, mystery writer.
Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
small with a tiny blade(,) but always up to the task
whiskey, heart heavy with (the thought of
the ...?) impending task, Charlie
in strong(,) dark pencil strokes. Tears blur some of the words(,) but they are all legible.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Thanks for aking the time to read review and edit. it is much apreciated!
Comment from GeorgieBoy
Unique and suspenseful You had me from start to finish. I especially liked your last lines, a great finish. Good hook, line and lastly, the sinker. Well done
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Unique and suspenseful You had me from start to finish. I especially liked your last lines, a great finish. Good hook, line and lastly, the sinker. Well done
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Unique is always good when it comes to writing. your kind comment and review is much appreciated.
Comment from Jay Leeward
Mystery, horror, a twist on the old adage begun in the title. What more could one ask in a single, 500 word limit story? This isn't what I would call an "easy read", but I do think it rewards the effort needed.
One of the things that gave me some difficulty reading this entry was "he/his/him". One or another of these pronouns appears 10 times in the second paragraph. I'm now sure now that I accurately determined who was being referred to with each usage. The 500-word limit undoubtedly figures into this, but it really slowed down my reading.
In all, I thoroughly enjoyed this contest entry, and would love to re-read the revised edition without the strictures imposed by the word limit.
Thanks for an intriguing tale.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Mystery, horror, a twist on the old adage begun in the title. What more could one ask in a single, 500 word limit story? This isn't what I would call an "easy read", but I do think it rewards the effort needed.
One of the things that gave me some difficulty reading this entry was "he/his/him". One or another of these pronouns appears 10 times in the second paragraph. I'm now sure now that I accurately determined who was being referred to with each usage. The 500-word limit undoubtedly figures into this, but it really slowed down my reading.
In all, I thoroughly enjoyed this contest entry, and would love to re-read the revised edition without the strictures imposed by the word limit.
Thanks for an intriguing tale.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Jay, thank you, your review is much appreciated. The he his and him were on purpose because Charlie is starting to slide into his victim's head and those lines for him are becoming blurred as they were for you. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Comment from Drew Delaney
This is pretty freaky. Writing notes that will kill? Or give reason to the killing as if a suicide was committed. I think of HItchcock. Master of story telling thrillers. Well written.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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This is pretty freaky. Writing notes that will kill? Or give reason to the killing as if a suicide was committed. I think of HItchcock. Master of story telling thrillers. Well written.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Drew thanks for taking the time to read and review it is much appreciated.
Comment from LIJ Red
Was this a case of voodoo magic and the man's family was
annihilated, or just possession-influenced suicide? Nicely written at any rate.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Was this a case of voodoo magic and the man's family was
annihilated, or just possession-influenced suicide? Nicely written at any rate.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Yep, very similar to voodoo. i'm glad you got it. thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from MLoriMotley
This is unique and creative and I loved it. The idea of a hitman murdering his target by suicide after somehow deleting his family is quite intriguing. I'm not 100% sure you intended it as some 'magical' deletion of the family when he deletes the photos, or the photo deletion was metaphorical for their physical deaths. I find the ambiguity on that point intriguing rather than disruptive.
A couple tiny things:
"but always up to the task for tonight's work." Always implies not just tonight's work. Perhaps "always up to the task of a night's work" if he's killed before, or "but certainly up to the task of tonight's work" or just leave out the adverb all together.
Tears wouldn't do much to blur dark pencil strokes if they fell straight on the paper and weren't smudged.
Thanks for sharing this!
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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This is unique and creative and I loved it. The idea of a hitman murdering his target by suicide after somehow deleting his family is quite intriguing. I'm not 100% sure you intended it as some 'magical' deletion of the family when he deletes the photos, or the photo deletion was metaphorical for their physical deaths. I find the ambiguity on that point intriguing rather than disruptive.
A couple tiny things:
"but always up to the task for tonight's work." Always implies not just tonight's work. Perhaps "always up to the task of a night's work" if he's killed before, or "but certainly up to the task of tonight's work" or just leave out the adverb all together.
Tears wouldn't do much to blur dark pencil strokes if they fell straight on the paper and weren't smudged.
Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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MLori, i'll take a look at your suggestion. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. It is much appreciated!
Comment from Tonulak
I've read this twice and a bit confused. I think this is because the focus jumps around. Charlie Baker, the killer, wants/has to have his brother killed? Does Charlie kill Frank's family, forcing him to commit suicide? No, because the wifefinds the body...I know this is a shorty, but I'm still not sure what's going on. The writing was actually very good. Best of luck--Ted
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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I've read this twice and a bit confused. I think this is because the focus jumps around. Charlie Baker, the killer, wants/has to have his brother killed? Does Charlie kill Frank's family, forcing him to commit suicide? No, because the wifefinds the body...I know this is a shorty, but I'm still not sure what's going on. The writing was actually very good. Best of luck--Ted
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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No brother, just a target. He figuratively kills frank's family but in Frank's head they are dead. It's kind of a vodoo supernatural thing. thanks for the kind review.
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In that case, I think you need to bring that out more. It was pretty confusing. No offense:)