Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, my friend. By now I realize that you and the moon have a special bonding. LOL. This is anotrher wonderful poetic gem, Jeni. I especially like these lines for on ereason or another:

"The Moonchild shed a tear,
so perfect was this land.
Then just as he had planned,
an Angel in her ear ..."

Bless you and Happy Holidays! (ps. when you were on Fs before was it under the name of Luna of something else? Just curious. Bob

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016

Hi again, my friend!

I'm thrilled that the poem touched you, Bob.

Before, my name was luna {small l.)

Let me know if you have any problems finding it!

I'm not using it as a real profile inasmuch as I won't be posting or taking messages or comments from there. I'm using it for a portfolio only. I've tried unsuccessfully to access this before and couldn't. I am happy to have access to all of my poems. Many are not as good as the ones siince my return. I think my ability may have matured as the years passed, also I do notice a difference in my thought process as I'm writing. I want as disciplined or thorough with my preparation as I am now.
Thanks for being interested in my work, Bob!

jeni ❤️❤️

reply by Mastery on 06-Dec-2016

Hi, Jen. That's exactly why I am in the proccess of reviving my book "Falling Up the Stairs" because I have matured as a writer and think I can now do something with it after I revise each chapter. Plus findinf an agent and getting my two novels published gave me some confidence that I am publishable. So I believe you when you say you have grown in your thinking and writing. bless you, my friend. Bob

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Luna, this is beautiful. It takes be back to a fairytale land. The imagery is wonderful. I really liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Oh my dear friend, this is so true. The natives of northern Canada fully believe that butterflies and hawks bring and take messages to heaven. After my mom died a cardinal kept pecking at her kitchen window for a week, that was her favorite bird. I know it was her.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

Comment from winnona

Excellent

This is a beautifully written poem. Your words combine easily forming an image of the two lovers in my mind. thank you for sharing. Your artwork is perfect for the piece and the background color completes it well.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

Again an excellent example of another style of poetry that I didn't know existed. Poetry requires a lot more knowledge of rules than prose. That's why I suck at it, but I like to read it.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

Comment from Heather Knight

Exceptional

This is incredibly beautiful, Jeni.
I have to confess I didn't know Selene was another name for the moon.
I don't know what I have enjoyed more: your gorgeous poem or the author's notes.
Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2016

Dear Maria, I'm so sorry that this reply is so tardy.

Thank you SO MUCH for this wonderful 6-star review. I'm truly thrilled that you thought the poem beautiful..

Thanks once again for the kind words of review and the exceptional rating, it means so much.

Always,

jeni

Comment from sandy montgomery

Excellent

This was a lovely piece. The added meaning of what happened with your son adds an emotional punch. I feel my mom visits me in the form of butterflies and I wrote a poem about it a while back. You are welcome to visit my portfolio to read it f you would like to. This was really beautiful. Thank you for sharing your work.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016

I will indeed read your poem, thank you for inviting me to read it. Expect my review before TOO long!

Thanks so much for reading my work and for this review. I appreciate your attention to my work.

luna

reply by sandy montgomery on 06-Dec-2016

I high lighted it on my portfolio so you could find it easier. Feel free to browse though if you are inclined to. Its called Butterfly Memos

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

This is a fascinating form that I like very much. I am currently preparing for a class I am running in January here on FanStory on the subject of rhyme. One of the things I have noticed here is that plurals and pasts are accepted without demur as rhymes for singles and presents. You have some here, dreams/scheme and sign/designed. I have always been brought up to believe that these were at best examples of assonance and possibly of forced rhyme as they are indicative of a kind of poetic laziness. Ken Nesbitt in his website Poetry4kids.com, an American poetry teacher is in agreement with me on this one, and I think we should try and avoid it where possible. Taking care not to fall into the trap of using the verb "to do" as an auxiliary. We don't want to see did design -- yuk! I have re-done the whole of your first stanza here in the present tense and made Helios the master of Dream which is the same as Master of Dreams. Most here will say it doesn't matter but I think it does. What do you think.

As Helios lost steam,
Selene began to shine.
Her light serves as a sign
that he, Master of Dream
a most heavenly scheme
for Luna would design.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016

I love that you edited the first stanza. I'm also happy you shared that we me about assonance and forced rhyme. However, I can't be accused of poetic laziness. It does, however make me think about the rhyming I'll use going forward. I bet you don't see too much of t hat coming from me anymore.

In my poem, what do you think about the second stanza's fifth line? I'm not sure any longer about the word planned.

I'm going to edit the poem after I do my chores, which I'm avoiding. I can't keep doing that.

Thank you for your input, my friend.

reply by Pantygynt on 06-Dec-2016

There is nothing wrong rhyme wise but I thought perhaps "They made her undersatand" (why she couldn't stay this time) What do you think.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written heartfelt poem in the format of a Hexsonnetta. It is the first time I read a poem in this format. I still learning new things every day.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016

Thanks so much for reading my work and for this review. I appreciate your attention to my work.

luna

Comment from mbroyles2

Excellent

I think this poem is most beautiful.
The calmness and eloquence are on display.
It brings peace to hectic situations
Very nice!
Michael

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2016

Thanks so much for reading my work and for this review. I appreciate your attention to my work.

luna